A New Religion

Maybe I need a new religion. We've had so many of the old ones around that perhaps coming up with something new might be of benefit.

I thought of this because Demi and Ashton are chasing down their Kaabal master to figure out why he put his dinky where it wasn't supposed to go.

What can religion do for you in such a situation?

Is it all about the confession and the forgiveness?

I must be honest here and admit that I'm sort of up against it when it comes to figuring out whether I should face west and bow to the sun, or spin in a circle and chant the name of L. Ron Hubbard.

I think of the scene in the Will Ferrell movie where he's running on the track in his underwear asking all the gods for help and he says, "Save me Tom Cruise."

And it's weird but it sort of stands to reason that what others believe is sort of foreign and kind of open to scorn.

There was an episode of Family Guy where they prayed to Arthur Fonzarelli as a god.

Life isn't easy to handle and a lot of people push their beliefs out there on others. A lot of people believe in a lot of strange things...at least in my book. What would you think of someone who worshipped the sun, or the moon, or the stars?

Is there a Kaabal version of Santa Claus in the sky somewhere who saw what Ashton Kutcher did, or what you did, or what I did, and he's keeping track of it on a piece of paper for a final judgement of sorts.

"He helped the poor."

"He was nice to dogs."

"He banged the babysitter."

I'm not sure about the scorecard.

I'm not sure about the grace of the Fonz.

I'm not sure that the sun isn't a god.

All I know is that it was raining in the South Bronx yesterday and I ran out to put a rosary in a bush and it didn't stop raining.

So, I went to bed thinking of Ashton and Demi and hoping that the god of Tom Cruise can save their marriage.