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Showing posts from October, 2015

Sam!!!!!!

Sam loves to be around the house. Through his first 15 and a half years he has always made the decision to stick around Camp Clifford. He doesn't sleep at his friend's houses...he invites them here instead of going there. He explained that he's happy with his bed, his dogs, the food and drink we have at his fingertips, his television, and his role in the family. Which is good because he's the heartbeat of the house. He's also the kid who runs around getting shit for us. "SAM!" "Can you grab me a blanket?" "Can you get me a water?" "The dogs have to go out." "Check the mail." "SAM!" So what's the problem, you ask? Sam is on a trip to visit his cousins. My beautiful sister was his traveling companion and I could almost hear the laughter of those two together. (They really make each other laugh). But Sam is certainly missed around here. There were a lot of groans as my bea

Little Jobs-D.B. of the Week - Sammy Watkins

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A wise man once told me that he doesn't 'give two shits' what an athlete thinks. Probably a good way to go, but in the middle of a week of forced relaxation (I caught Quincy twice)... ...I grew aggravated by the above statement posted to Twitter by Buffalo Bills wide receiver Sammy Watkins. And perhaps it shouldn't aggravate me. I shouldn't 'give two shits'. But it really aggravated me and it wasn't that he has trouble mastering the English language as written word (that is a pet peeve). It wasn't that he emotionally responded to idiots who were baiting him. It wasn't that he's thin-skinned and can't handle his spot as a member of the public. It was because he took a broad swipe at people that he evidently feels are beneath him because they toil every day at 'Y'All Little Jobs.' For that Sammy Watkins is the D.B. of the Week I get it. He was at Disney on the Bills week off. He was with his daughter. He

Jeter, Jeter, Jeter!

Word came down on Wednesday that Derek Jeter is finally biting the bullet and marrying his longtime girlfriend, Hannah Davis. First off, Hannah ain't no Kathy Fazzolari. So Jeets might be making a mistake there because word around my house is that had Jeter ever met my wife (or my mother for that matter) he'd have been part of the family. But have you noticed that men always say biting the bullet . You know why? Because there's a chance that it can explode and maim or kill the poor man who is in the process of entering holy matrimony. I suppose it works both ways, but whenever there is a story that starts with: "You know who's getting married?" My mind automatically goes to: "That poor clueless bastard." And I usually say just that and get a weird look from my beautiful wife. Yet marriage is a weird deal when you think about it from the point-of-view of a man who has been in it for a long period of time. We were discussing it

Taking A Break

It's all my fault. I have a job where it is tough to just shut it down because my clients are always working and there are a number of people involved so it's tough to take a day off while informing everyone not to call. So...for six years (taking a few days off for surgery recoveries)...I just figured it was better off if I just got up and went to work. I needed to eventually take a break. My legs were crying out and mentally...I was beat. It took my boss to say: "That's it! You aren't working next week!" Weird. I know. But to tell the God's honest truth...I don't know how to shut things down. My mind works like this: "What do I have to do today?" When I get through the list I think: "What else can I get done?" My boys and my beautiful wife have long since learned to just let things slide because I'll eventually do it. "You write books for fun," Sam is fond of saying. "We figure that

Get A Life

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The Buffalo Bills played the Jacksonville Jags in a game on Sunday in London. The Bills lost and a lot of the blame for their poor play went to their backup quarterback E.J. Manuel. A lot of the blame probably should have went to him. He didn't play great. Yet the above photo shows some of the things that were presented directly to E.J. Manuel's social media account. I'm hoping the guy didn't see those posts, but he probably did. By all accounts, Manuel appears to be a decent enough fellow. He was drafted in the first round and was anointed the new savior for a franchise that has had problems putting a win streak together. He didn't set the world on fire as a starter. Then his backup job was saved although there were others who assumed that he would be cut and out of work. He made the team and had to start again because of injury. And he did stink it up in the 2nd quarter. Perhaps he deserved to be booed. I even posted a photo of him as Stev

I Broke Down

Back years ago around 1998 I made a deal with my kids. Matt, being the oldest of the dopes...and the only one actually coherent at that time - (Sam wasn't even here!) got to decide on 4 teams to choose to win a championship. If any of those teams won one...they would get a pool. Matt chose: 1). The Buffalo Sabres 2). The Buffalo Bills 3). The Charlotte Hornets 4). The Oakland A's I tried to explain to him that the idea behind it was to actually get a pool and that he should probably choose the Yankees ...but he had his mind made up. The Sabres almost actually got there immediately, but lost in the finals. The Bills...well...sorry to kick a franchise when it's down...haven't been in a playoff game since '99. The Hornets aren't even there anymore...that choice has turned into the New Orleans Pelicans (Matt is a strange bird). And the Oakland A's finished dead last and look down for a while. They did make me nervous a couple of times, b

Playing Dress Up

So, it's Halloween week. I was never actually big on the traditions. I actually always felt weird dressing up and we all know enough to turn down any costume party invitations. I can only actually remember four times when I dressed up: As Howard Stern As a Beautiful Woman As a Hard-ass gangster type (Kathy went as a hooker). And of course, As an beautiful tribal woman with a caveman husband (my brother, Jeff). But I always felt silly as an adult, dressing up. As a 51-year-old man... ...there's no way! And it appears to me that the young girls of today dress up as scantily as they can...(that's what I notice on the Google machine) - which is a little weird. Than there are the crazy costumes. Caitlyn Jenner is the big costume this year. Cecil the Lion is another. And it occurs to me that people who go to a party dressed like that must surely get groans of discomfort... ...but I couldn't pull it off. We don't get a lot of visitors to o

I Got a Big Tusk

I listen to the Opie & Jim Norton show most every day. Jim Norton is a very funny comic who makes me laugh at least three times a day. He has an alter-ego named Chip Chiperson and Chip does all sorts of goofy things that usually bring the laughs. I want to kill both Norton and Chip this week. You see, Fleetwood Mac has a great old song called Tusk ...it has a big band in it...and haunting lyrics. I love the song. So does Chip, evidently. Except Chip ruined the song for me and has now replaced it all inside my head because he started chanting: "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." And you know what I spent Thursday and Friday listening to the voice in my head say? Yeah. "I got a big tusk, just like an elephant." "

Montanta, McCartney, Meetings and the Mets

McCartney played Buffalo last night and I didn't get there. The tickets were sold out quickly on a day when I was out of town...the da m n scalpers are ridiculous at grabbing all the seats...and I never really had a good lead at a ticket that wasn't going to cost a fortune. I would've loved to see the show. Waiting on the reviews. Sir Paul is a m azing. Received an offer to speak to a construction co m pany in Montana . I've never been there. And a funny thing happened about a year ago...I was asked to speak at a conference in Vegas and I kinda' crushed the speech with a whole bunch of jokes and a R-rated explanation of how crazy construction guys can be. And I've received a lot of offers to speak to specific groups. Montana? Should I go? I hear it's nice...and the speech will be fun. So, the Mets made it to the World Series. Their young pitching ca m e of age at just the right ti m e and they made some nice deals to pull it off

D.B. of the Week: Oscar Pistorius

Yeah. The D.B. of the Week , based simply on the fact that he was released from jail already, just a single year into the sentence for shooting his beautiful girlfriend to death while she cowered in a bathroom, and he pretended that he was scared because he heard intruders... ...is Oscar Pistorius. We remember Oscar. D.B. He got one year for ending her life! One year! The South African parole board released him because of over-crowding in their prisons. You can't keep a murderer for more than a year??? What the hell kind of crime is going on there? But, of course, his sentence isn't quite over: Oscar now gets house arrest for four more years and can not be released from that until October of 2019. The poor guy has to live in his uncle's mansion and suffer through the time he has left. Talk about cruel and unusual punishment! So... ...from February 2013 when he fired shots into her until she died... ...until October of 2019... Oscar will hav

It's Not My Fault!

As we raised our kids we often had to referee battles. "It was his fault." "He did it!" "I didn't do anything!!" I was reminded of that a bit as I listened to The Donald and Jeb fight about who was and who wasn't responsible for keeping us safe back in 2001. It's a senseless argument, but one that I've often found mystifying. The Donald has a point. The tragedy did occur while George W. was the president... ...no matter how much his side would like that to be directed elsewhere. So, it rings a little hollow when you try and run on your brother's record of 'keeping us safe.' "Other than what happened, Mrs. Lincoln, how'd you like the movie?" But then The Donald messes up his perfectly good point by saying that he would've stopped the events of 9/11. "I'm tough on immigrants. They wouldn't have been here," was essentially what he said. First off, where is he 'tough

Birthday Fall Out

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Doesn't that look fairly natural. Not sure that my position of outfielder is all that accurate though because I was a little challenged by judging the depth of the routine fly ball. Plus I could never really get to the spot. And I liked to drop it. But I certainly could be a member of the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized American Sports. And that photo came from Dan O'Neill - a renaissance man. But the old celebration went okay...the Bills put a little bit of a damper on things because it made my kids sad. (I tried to tell them). But we had pasta - I went with ravioli - Kathy said I could make anything I wanted because it was my birthday. And then we settled in for gifts and cake. No gifts. Evidently the family purchased the gift... ...and then lost it. "Buy what you need," was what I heard. But the cake! That beautiful creation almost never came to be. I was picking up the groceries, on my bir

Social Media

Isn't it wonderful? Where else can you go to hear from someone you knew in the 2nd grade, or fight with a complete and total stranger? I thought about it a lot yesterday because I answered a whole bunch of 'Happy Birthday' messages. There were a few very interesting new photos of me...I'll be using the one of me as a Yankee in a Tops baseball card...great shot. (Thanks, Dan). But the well wishes also made me smile all day long. You see, being a tad O.C.D. I can't possibly just wait until all the messages arrive and then send out a blanket 'Thank-you'. I have to respond immediately to each one. Which makes for a busy day. But that is certainly the gift that social media brings. There are old friends -from grammar school-from high school-from college, and now onto work who I'd never actually hear from unless we were simply trading messages on Twitter or Facebook. And it's not like you know everyone like you did back in the day...

Happy Birthday, Cliffy!

Was just hanging around on Friday night when I saw a Twitter note about the anniversary of The River CD release from Springsteen. They're finally putting out the box set. Of course, the greatest news was that there were going to be some outtakes from the session - songs that didn't make the cut. Bruce songs that I'd never heard before! Then I got a text. "Did you get the song they released today?" I went straight to iTunes and 30 seconds later I had the song: Meet Me In the City . A half an hour after that and I had the lyrics memorized after listening to it about a dozen times. Do I have to say it? It's a great song! I smiled when I heard the Clarence solo in the middle of the song. (RIP Big Man). Then I thought about the fact that it was presented to me just a couple of days before my 51st birthday. "Fifty-one? Really?" My boss, who is a good friend, said. "You look great for 70!" And I must admit to feeling

Lamar Odom

Not quite sure that I want the news story to say: "Cliff was found unresponsive in a Las Vegas brothel." I said, I'm not quite sure. But make no mistake, it's a sad story. Odom was a professional basketball player...a pretty good player, I'm told- by my kids - who watch a lot of the N.B.A. Odom found huge fame by hanging out and eventually marrying and then leaving one of those freaking Kardashian girls. He was subjected to a life of aggravation as he was invited into their reality world. Like all the other men that run into one of those girls, he was chewed up and sorta' spit out. (Or so it seems). Well, Odom drifted out of the spotlight, I guess. Except when the reports of his drug use were highlighted on the news. Until Wednesday. When he was found unresponsive in a Las Vegas brothel. The reports are that drugs are the culprit and it sure sounds that way. Cocaine and performing enhancing drugs that are part of visiting a brothel.

I Hate It

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I'm sorry. I was really aggravated with Jose Bautista when he stared down the pitcher and then flipped his bat in the direction of the Rangers dugout. It was exciting...I'm sure...for Blue Jays fans. (By the way...baseball is by far and away the best game ever invented. Seriously...the edge of your seat excitement with every single pitch was unreal and has been in each and every playoff game). But this topic gets me hot. Imagine, if you will, kids all over the country now flipping their bat and staring at the pitchers. It's against everything that I know about sportsmanship... ...Sorry! I don't mind the players who celebrate with their teammates... in the dugout. I don't mind the players who shake hands or high-five their teammates when something good happens. I don't mind the gathering at home plate when a walk-off hit occurs. I don't even mind the Gatorade baths or the shaving cream in the face during the interview. Celebrating is

D.B. of the Week - Ben Carson

Sorry I gotta' do it. First Ben explained that he would've rushed the gunman in Oregon. Sure. We all like to think that we'd be a hero, but think what the families of the people who died think of a comment like that. People died! You make their memory a little less by saying they weren't brave enough in a situation where a madman wearing a vest and armed to the teeth shoots them to death? That was bad enough to earn Carson the old D.B. of the Week honors... ...but then I heard something about what he said about those buried when a volcano erupted. He would've outran the lava instead of being buried. Did he really actually say that? Did he think that people, in that situation, just stood there and allowed themselves to be buried? Now I don't know if any of this is true. I read the quotes. I didn't actually see the words come out of Carson's mouth. In this day and age there are sometimes words put into the mouths of the men and

Glory Days

My boys are playing a lot of basketball these days. All three of them are on rec-league teams and before the game we have animated discussions about how they're going to do. (My boys do not lack self-confidence). And after the game I hear all about the plays that were made and weren't made. It's a funny thing about getting old. I used to love to play pickup basketball. We played on Sunday mornings and at least one evening during the week. I played from the time I was 18 until I had to give it up when I tore my first tendon - about 32. I miss not being able to play that game. I recall specific games and plays and shots that didn't fall. In fact, just the other day I was rehashing a moment of near-glory . My buddy Chris was the captain of Canisius College. He, along with a couple of other close friends were really, really good basketball players. I was on the team because I was a fun guy to drink with after the game. Plus I did not lack for self-confiden

Back to the Polls!

We have to continue to recap the political race, right? After all, the presidential election in this country is something of a horse race... ...people vote for a candidate based on a meme that may or may not even be true. Those things are all over the place. Hell, I didn't even know what a meme was until about a week ago... ...but they rule the day now. A meme is a social media picture that shows a photo of someone: Obama with his eyes closed, for instance. Then underneath there are words that hammer him: Obama made a statement about Ferguson, but he was sleeping when it came to the white guy who got shot. How come he doesn't go to a white guy's funeral? Then there are 1.3K likes and 785 comments. Someone out there may choose to either vote or not vote in a particular manner based on a fake meme that someone developed in their basement without checking even a single fact. It's weird. But let's check in on the leaders who are positioning

No More Bye-Byes

The pizza place down the road was celebrating their anniversary so they hung up one of those big red plastic things that sort of flaps around in the breeze. The pizza place is on the direct route where I take the dogs for their ride each day. Melky didn't care for the red guy. The weeping pit bull as we call her, cowered in the seat next to me. The next day... ...she wouldn't get in the car. No big deal, right? It makes my life easier not to have to take her bye-byes, but I do have another dog and Paris is of the opinion that the after dinner rides should continue. But Melky won't go. It's weird. Especially weird for an OCD guy who is used to routines. I've had conversations with Melky to try and get her back in the fold. "The red guy is gone," I say. The mere mention of the red guy brings discomfort. Yet, on a much larger scale, it's interesting to me that the dog has irrational fears based on something that brings mental a

MLB Playoffs

Yeah...the Yankees are gone, but man... the baseball playoffs are awesome. On Friday the games were on from noon until one in the morning. "More baseball?" My beautiful wife asked as Sam flipped it to the Cards-Cubs game. "All day!" He said. We watched Prince Fielder bat. We all cheered hard against the Blue Jays in an epic 14-inning game, and during one of the breaks there was a commercial asking what the greatest baseball memory of your life is. Sam turned to me: "What is it?" Four memories immediately came to mind: 4). Chris Chambliss hit a home run in the 9th inning to propel the Yankees to a win over the Royals. My Dad watched that game with me. We were the only two who stuck with it to the end and when the ball cleared the wall Dad said: "How about a celebration sandwich?" Dad made the best sandwiches. 3). I was on a soccer field when the Yankees played the Red Sux in the one-game playoff in '78. I hated soccer.

We Need More Cliffords

We were watching the baseball game and I made a comment about the name 'Addison', saying that it was a rather unique first name. Sam was able to think of another 'Addison' and I said that it wasn't real popular... ...then I said: "The name 'Clifford' isn't popular either." "There are three of 'em left in the country," my beautiful, wise-ass wife said. "Ain't no one naming their kids 'Clifford' anymore." I suppose not. Yet the conversation didn't quite end because we have Google and Google has an answer for everything. Evidently how many Cliffords there are in the world was interesting to my wife. "It was a popular name in the 1880's," she said. "But look where it is now." She showed the screen to Sam. "Three left," he said. Yet I wonder. How many Cliffords are out there? I know it's more than three! Kathy then looked up everyone's name

I KNOW!!!!!

I had to actually silence my phone on Tuesday night. I started to get the texts in about the 6th inning. "What's wrong with YOUR Yankees?????" "$220 million payroll and they're getting beat!" "Do you think C.C. has a television on in rehab?" I answered a few of the good-natured jabs with things like... "27" "The 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized American Sports." I even threw in a: "Are they on tonight? I'm so bored with the 7 titles I've watched them win...I sometimes just forget that they're in the playoffs." But I wanted to get some sleep. After the final out I shut my phone off. And when I turned it on again in the morning those taunts were waiting for me. I opened my eyes and the thought that their season was over hit me. There was no pain involved. They had a nice year. But then the texting started: "How pissed are you?"

D.B. of the Week: eBible Fellowship Lunatics

Well, we're still here. The world didn't end in a fiery ball. And for that the eBible Fellowship out of Sharon Hill, Pennsylvania has been awarded the prestigious D.B. of the Week Award. Work has been rough. The Yankees were eliminated. Winter is coming. The Bills still look like the Bills... so... ...I wasn't all that disappointed when I got the news, but no worries, anyways. We live to see another day! But when is enough just about a freaking 'nuff with these religious fights, proclamations and righteous stands? When are people gonna' figure out that these lunatic preachers are pedaling fear with the end of times crap? Perhaps one day one of them will be right, but who's going to be around to congratulate the Jimmy the Greek of the religious ranks? If we all go at once, besides, the line to go either up or down is going to be ridiculous. I suppose I should pack a bag to go either way... ...but why these people win the D.B. of the we

Let It Be

Ran into a guy on a job yesterday and immediately began asking him questions. He looked familiar and I thought I knew what he'd been up to recently, but he surprised me. "Haven't been working for two years," he said. I must have looked confused. "This is my first day back in the real world. My son died of cancer and the week after the funeral I rented a boat in Florida and just drove around for awhile. I fished. I boated. I considered things." Wow. I was going to start asking questions, but instead just offered my condolences. "You figure anything out?" I asked. "Not a f*cking thing," he answered. We talked about cancer and how it ravages a 20-year old body. We talked about death and grief and trying to rise above things. "I don't believe in God anymore," he said. I found that a little curious but perhaps that was all that he had figured out as he boated around. I decided to tell him the story about P

Win One for C.C.

The 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized American Sports - The Yankees play a single-elimination game this evening for a chance to play the Royals. Make no mistake about it... ...I want them to win. But in some respects it has been an unusual season. I didn't expect them to even qualify for the playoffs. I believed they were transitioning from veterans to young guys and that usually doesn't go all that well. But they are, after all, The 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized American Sports! My excitement for the game has been tempered by a couple of things: 1). Joe Girardi, who is a decent manager from April to the end of August is an absolute nightmare in September when the rosters expand. Clueless Joe as a lot of his haters call him seems to want to play all the rookies at his disposal and he constantly talks about giving 29-year-old professional athletes a 'rest day'. Drives me nuts! I

You Don't Know How to Argue

"Yes, I do." "No, you don't." My college roommate and I used to do a little skit based on the 'You don't know how to argue' premise. Girls didn't hang around with us much when we did it, but Rosie and I laughed a lot while doing it. The problem is that most people don't know how to argue...and unfortunately that's all people do on social media. Debating is something that I love to do...we do a lot of it around my house... But there are some people who flat-out don't get the concept of debating properly. The argument this week is the same old argument concerning guns. Here's a bad argument: Person 1 - "The shooter was a responsible gun owner right up until the moment when he shot ten people. What do we do about that fact?" Here's the answer: Person 2 - "People die in car accidents should we take away cars?" Do you see the problem? Person 1 asked a direct question. Person 2 not on

Crumbling Down

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That was the button that the Mayor of Buffalo pressed to reduce Gates Hospital to a cloud of dust and rubble. I was just a few feet away from Mayor Brown when he hit the button as someone yelled "Fire in the Hole!" And as I swung my phone around to take the slo-mo video of the blast the first bangs echoed out in the early morning sky. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Those early blasts were followed by much louder, mind-numbing blasts, and in mere seconds, the concrete and steel began to break away...like a house of paper... ...the walls came crumbling down. The shiver that shook my body was undeniable. It was an out and out attack on my senses that while anticipated (I'd been at an implosion before) was shocking. The crowd gasped and then a cheer went up. A spontaneous, wonderful cheer that gave way to amazed chatter. I had two thoughts: "Amazing!!!" and "Everything eventually breaks down." Those two thoughts erupted in my

Should Be A Blast

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Getting ready for the blast. Gates Hospital will be reduced to rubble this morning and the thing about it is that months of work has gone into something that will be over in just a matter of seconds. I had a chance to talk to the supervisor of the crew that was setting the explosives and the one question that I thought to ask him was: "Is it fun?" The man explained that he enjoyed the challenge of making sure that the explosives are properly set so that the building comes down in a safe manner. He then started to explain the process to me and I nodded a lot. He was, after all, talking to a man who has to get help to put those cardboard mailer boxes ready. But I was interested enough to listen to how the explosives are installed around the columns. Of course, as the safety guy for the project I had my own concerns, but I didn't ask the explosives guy too many questions. I was real confident that he knew what he was doing. "How many buildings have

No Emotion

Another school shooting. A number of casualties. An afternoon of horrified accounts by people who were unlucky enough to be there, but lucky enough to survive. And the same old tired responses. Shocked and Horrified. Thoughts and Prayers. Gun-free zones. Mental Health. We Need More Guns. And then the even more tired arguments: Libtard. 2nd Amendment. NRA. Obama. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah fucking blah. When CNN flashed the report of the shooting as news to me. I just glanced. Then went about my day. No emotion. No shock. I didn't even think to pray. Just too busy to think about it. Didn't have a thought that might matter anyway. Didn't want to know the shooter's name. Didn't care about why they think he did it. Doesn't matter. But I can't NOT feel. I'm part of the community of people who are horrified by a shooting such as yesterday's shooting. It's as horrendous as the last one...and the

D.B. of the Week - Alexandra Tomlinson

By most accounts the visit recently concluded by Pope Francis was an extremely warm and sensitive...and positive experience for all. Most accounts. There were some people who were dismayed by the fact that Pope Francis talked about global warming. One of the presidential candidates stated that the Pope isn't a scientist... ...even though he was actually a chemistry major. Still others didn't care for the fact that the Pope just kept talking about those pesky poor people who seem to be too lazy (sarcasm) to become CEO of their own company. But one person took the criticism to a whole new level: Alexandra Tomlinson, a top model for Trump Model Management, criticized the Pope... ...and took D.B. of the Week honors for her horribly dim-witted take on the visit and the man. "As I see the egregiously positive reaction to Pope Francis by the citizens of this country and this world, I'm left dumbfounded. He is completely transparent. How is he pulling the woo