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Showing posts from October, 2009

Trick or Treat

The kids will soon be beating a path to every door in the neighborhood in an effort to grab some candy, but there is not a lot of ceremony involved. They are not fired up about their costumes, and they don't have any special designs on staying out too long - there's a baseball game to watch after all! We don't get many visitors to our home anymore, either. I'm not sure why, but our house is often skipped. Perhaps the imposing figure of Melky is enough to halt the parents of the neighborhood children. Whatever, not to sound like an old grouchy man here, but I don't much care for the up and down and the ringing doorbell - after all there's a baseball game to watch. Through the years I've shared in a few memorable Halloween parties and dressed up quite a few times myself. The last costume I wore was a Howard Stern get-up that itched like crazy and was basically ruined because I drank way too much tequila. I dressed as a woman a few times too, and when I was you

Talented People

Just came across the new CD by David Gray...good stuff...love talented people! Nemesis 'Neath an avalanche - soft as moss I am a creeping and intangible sense of loss I'm the memory you can't get out of your head but if I leave you now you'll wish you were somewhere else instead. I'm the Manta Ray - I'm the louse I am the photograph they found in your burned out house. I am the sound of money washing down the drain I am the face of lies that keep you sane. Gates of heaven are open wide God Help me I'm trapped inside Feels like I'm buried alive. I'm the bottom line of the joke I am ecstasy spilling like bright egg yolk. I'm the thoughts you're too ashamed to share and I'm the smell of it - you're trying to wash out of your hair. Gates of heaven are open wide God Help me I'm trapped inside Feels like I'm buried alive. Possibilities limitless just give me something that's more than this one shot and I'll never miss Yes. I

Changes I Got Used To

My wife often reminds me of the night when I was trying to watch a World Series Game back in '96 and the dog was jumping and Matt who was just a toddler for crying out loud, was screaming, and Joe Buck was talk, talk, talking so much that I didn't know what was going on... "SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE!" I bellowed. A few minutes later, all was quiet as the dog curled up and Kathy and Matt left the room. Cut to last night's game... Bottom of the first two outs and Tex up. Buck has told me that it's 52 degrees - for the 7th freaking time - Paris is chasing Sam in a circle around the kitchen - Jake is poking me in the ribs asking me why Jeter struck out - Kathy is thinking about setting the DVR when the inning is over, Matt is growling that Burnett sucks and is going to throw three wild pitches. McCarver explains that it's a must win even though the Yankees have routinely won the series after being down two games to zip... yada, yada, bullshit, headache. Tex swin

Why Worry?

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In 1978 the Dodgers took a 2-0 lead against the Yanks in New York. I remember Davey Lopes (the phils 1st base coach now) circling the bases with his right hand extended skyward. After the game he explained that they were the better team. That was the last game the Dodgers won that year. In 1996 it was worse. Remember Larry? The Braves had a 2-zip lead leaving NY. Maddux and Glavine were unhittable. They also failed to win another game. Not saying anything bold,Lee was good last night, but it ain't over until (what does Yogi say?), it's over. Yet the story of the day is my buddy Michael. He is a Yankee and a Phils fan. Earlier this year we saw a game with him in Philly and asked him about the possibility of this years match up. "I think my head might explode," he said. During the game last night the text messages were burning. When Utley homered, I texted Utley sucks. When Tim McCarver called Derek Jeter, "Jerry Cleater," I laughed through the blackberry. (Ca

Going Rogue

As if having to wait another day for the Series to start isn't enough to frost my ass, tonight I stumbled upon the story that speaks of Sarah Palin and her $1.25 million dollar book advance. Is it a pop-up book? The book is to be released on November 17th and it is already number one on the best-sellers list. Come on, people, really? What can she tell us? How to skin a coon? And if that ain't enough, George W. is getting $100,000 per speech. What is the speech entitled, "How to Screw up Your Job in 10 Easy Lessons?" Now before I get accused of being a liberal, let me explain. It's all too soon. We have not yet gotten over the disaster of the last eight years. We are still scrambling around in caves and sand trying to save face somehow. People are still out of work. The trillion dollar debt is still threatening our future. And we're giving these people millions to spread more fertilizer? I must admit, I didn't read Clinton's book either, and had no inte

Schlubby

I never liked that ESPN Analyst Steve Phillips. He was a General Manager for the minor league baseball team in New York (the Mets) and at ESPN he did little more than bash the Yankees and their 'gigantic payroll.' A-Ha-A-Ha-A-Ha-A-Ha Seems Phillips was canned the other day because of his dalliance with, as the New York Post calls her, a "Schlubby" 22-year-old woman. There is so much of the story to comment on. First off, "Schlubby" is a horrible way to refer to anyone. Coming from a man who can be confused for Schlubby, I take offense. I don't believe we should be referred to in such a manner, especially in a news story. Imagine seeing your name in print and the description that follows being something like .. pale and puffy, bald as a cue ball, round as a melon, pear-shaped, vertically-challenged, Mets Fan, mentally-handicapped, ...schlubby. (Oh sorry, Mets Fan and mentally-handicapped are one and the same). Yet what galled me about the article was the

I Can See Number Twenty-Seven From Here

Geez, what should we talk about today? The fact that the Bills have won two straight games and are on the charge towards the Super Bowl? Probably not. The horrific murders and strange crimes throughout this great land? We can cover that on any given day. The Fall TV Schedule and how Family Guy is still the best show on television? My wife made me sit through a couple of episodes of the Good Wife - aaaaaaah! Perhaps? What's going on in baseball? Oh yeah! The freaking Yankees! I nearly forgot! Four more games to end the long-suffering of the Yankee fans. A couple of starts by CC, a few more bombs by A-Rod, listening to Jimmy Rollins and Pedro (the Yankees are my Daddy) shoot off their mouths for a week, it's all part of the ceremony. A couple of rain-outs, a snow-out, and if all goes according to planned, title #27 by the time the kids get off for Thanksgiving break. We watch the Yankees so much around here that this morning my wife was getting misty-eyed as they celebrated. It&#

Life, Love, Laughter

For the past 10 months I've been doing little in the way of creating, but being a writer since I could hold the pen wrong (the nuns beat me for the way I held a pen) I did jot down a number of memories, funny stories, and things I just couldn't bear to forget when it came to my brother, Jeff. My publisher, looking for the next book, asked me to send what I had. I was hesitant as I've never submitted anything that wasn't completely finished, but I did, and just let the chips lie where they may. Then the week really got interesting! The Buffalo News contacted me to say that they are going to run a feature article about my books - it will run in the November 1st Sunday edition (page 1 -I'm told) and my upcoming gig as a speaker at the Toastmasters Breakfast of November 6th at the Seneca Niagara Casino. (Come to it! I'm ready to go!). And then... Sterlinghouse offered a contract for Life, Love and Laughter - the story of the greatest guy in the world - Jeff Fazzol

Woke Up This Morning...

...The house was cold, checked the furnace, it wasn't burning. Went out and hopped in my old Ford, hit the engine, buddy she ain't turning. Giving each other some hard lessons lately, we ain't learning. It's the same sad story that's a fact. One step up and two steps back. Not only do I love the imagery of that song, I find it sticks in my head from time-to-time when I hear stories of marital strife. I was talking with a buddy today and he was looking for advice in a strained relationship. I had nothing for him. I thought of the Bruce song and it stuck in my head. The story of David Letterman's problems and the difficulties of the ESPN reporter, also brought the song to mind. I may be naïve - I thought OJ and Nicole made a cute couple, but it shouldn't be that hard to get along, but it is - and the couples who make it might actually be more lucky than good, right? In any regard there certainly are mornings when the furnace ain't burning or the engine ain

If I Could Change the World

A few adjustments I'd make: 1). Tim McCarver and Joe Buck wouldn't be allowed anywhere near the baseball playoffs. For the past three weeks I've heard the same stupid stories and McCarver has told me about eleven times that when the ball leaves the pitcher's hand it is going faster than when it arrives at the plate. Uh! Duh! and if it were to make an entire trip around the stadium by the time it got back to the pitcher it'd be going even slower. Does he honestly think that we can't recognize that when it leaves the pitcher's hand it will be going faster at any point on it's trip? Announce that one - "Sabathia throws a 95 MPH pitch that seems to be picking up speed for some reason! It's now going 103 and 104 and 105..... SHUT UP! Speaking of which, Joe Buck never shuts up. Every inning he tells me who is going to bat for the other freaking team in the next inning and last night he told me it was nine o'clock. Shut-up! Let me watch this innin

Love Wins One

Just scanning the paper during the Yankees loss last night (don't get me started) when I came across a couple of death notices on the obituary page. There's sort of a stop-and-read-me type of element to it when you see the same surname listed twice and that was the case with Robert and Gladys Lloyd of North Tonawanda. When you see the husband and wife died on back-to-back days you might think of a car accident, or worse yet, a murder-suicide type of thing. Yet this one was about love. Robert and Gladys were married for 74 years. Robert died on October 10th at the age of 103. Gladys died the next day, in the same nursing home at 104. "They always just did things together," their daughter said. "If my father went, my mother went with him." I'll say, and it is a storybook type of ending for two people who worked hard to keep it all real. The obit goes on to speak of their lives together, raising children, sharing interests, cooking and sewing and working on

Discipline

I just read an article about CC Sabathia who was raised by his mother. Of course he is the wildly successful Yankee pitcher who will most likely close out the sweep of the Angels tomorrow. Anyway, it seems that when CC was going through high school he struck a deal with his mother that he would not have a grade lower than a B. In fact, it was a one-sided deal because his mother's end of it was that as long as he stayed B or above, he could play sports. Anything lower and he was out. That's kind of like telling the kids you get A's and B's and I'll let you live. Lo and behold, CC got a C - in Spanish - senior year - while his basketball team was getting ready to play for the State Championship. CC's mother suspended him from the team and the big game. CC cried. CC's coach cried, but CC's mom stuck to her guns. He didn't play, his team lost, and he brought his Spanish grade up to a B. I told the story to Matt, who has struck similar deals with Kathy, b

All You Need is Love

If you're watching the baseball playoffs, (hey aren't the Yankees in it?), you can't miss John Lennon singing in the background of one of the commercials. In fact, we've heard it so much here, (hey the Yanks haven't lost yet in the playoffs have they?) that Sam was singing along yesterday. "You know who sings this?" I asked. "No, but it's good," he said. "It's John Lennon," I said. "Do you know what band he was in?" All You need is love , Sam sang as he shrugged me his answer. "The Beatles." "I heard of them," he said. Yet the real benefit of hearing that song over and over is because it is so simple, but so true. All You need is love My 45th birthday has been special - my wife and kids presented me with a gold chain that now holds an Italian Horn that my brother wore around his neck for a lot of years. I don't wear any jewelery whatsoever - I've never really even owned a watch, but I'm

Up, Up and Away

Not saying those parents in Colorado are lying about their kid supposedly floating away in the balloon, but if you are certain that your six-year-old is in grave danger and you need to make that quick call that can save his life are you going to phone the local media before dialing 911? Speaking of which there was a woman in the Niagara Falls area who allegedly called 911 400 times in an hour or so because she wanted to be arrested. Now there is some drunk-dialing, huh? I used to do that to old college friends to aggravate them. And this weekend there is a big commotion over a swingers weekend at a local hotel. The hotel has been rented out by a club of spouse-swapping people who are really upset as they feel they are being misunderstood by a non-tolerant society. Their story has been in the paper and on the news for about a week now. What the hell is wrong with people? In the case of the swingers they have been extremely bitter, saying that they have rights and are being shunned like

Mellencamp Writes This One

Between a Laugh and a Tear , Copyright 1985 Riva Music (I highlighted the lines that have meant a lot to me over the past 24 years) When paradise is no longer fit for you to live in and your adolescent dreams are gone Through the days you feel a little used up and you don't know where your energy's gone wrong It's just your soul feeling a little downhearted Sometimes life is too ridiculous to live You count your friends all on one finger I know it sounds crazy, it's just the way that we live Between a laugh and a tear Smile in the mirror as you walk by Between a laugh and a tear And that's as good as it can get for us And there ain't no reason to stop trying. When this cardboard town can no longer amuse you you see through everything and nothing seems worthwhile and hypocrite used to be such a big word to you and it don't mean anything to you now Just try and live each and every precious moment Don't be discouraged by the future, forget the past That'

I Don't Know Dick

Now that might sound like an awful title for a blog, but that's your interpretation of what I'm writing about today. My version is clean. Here in Buffalo, in case you haven't heard, we are having a problem with our football team. Actually, it is not a new problem at all. They have not sniffed the playoffs since 1999. A long time in any fans life. Nearly suicidal for some people here in this fair city. Yet what have we had so far this year besides four losses and one lousy win? We've had vandalism. After the first loss some fans destroyed the lawn of one of the player's homes. After the latest loss someone stole the statue of Thurman Thomas. We've had bruglary. After the second game someone robbed our cornerback of his $400,000 necklaces. We've had Hit and Run. After the last game a drunken fan allegedly mowed down six people including three cops. We've had vulgarity. A movement is afoot to place a billboard in the city to coax the semi-coherent owner to

Waist Deep In a Big Muddy

As I've been prone to do, I woke up in a bit of a down mood. I decided to visit a site where there was a big Red Sux fan so I could hammer him a little bit, but it wasn't as much fun as I thought because he just conceded that the Yankees were better this year. He wasn't passing along any wishes for the rest of the playoffs, but it was hard to kick at him when he was so congratulatory. So I moved on. I decided to visit a site where the contractor is working on putting up a pole barn for horses. It's a nice little ride and with Howard Stern along, I felt my mood picking up a little. I did my work, met with a few people, and then seeing the foreman across the way, decided to take a short cut off the pavement. My left leg went into the mud up to the freaking hip. Having no way to balance myself, I had to place my right leg in close proximity to the left, or I was going face first. The right leg also sunk as if I were in quicksand. The sounds of the laughter made my skin cra

A Little Off the Top

With little to do to amuse me as the baseball playoffs decided on a week off, I decided to accompany Kathy and the boys to SuperCuts. I jumped straight into the chair. "How do you want it cut?" the perfectly nice lady asked. "Get rid of it," I said. "How exactly?" "I don't care," I responded. "You can't screw it up." "Short on top? Short on the side?" "Just shave it," I responded. "I just don't care anymore." Something about my jovial tone must have made her realize that she had free rein. She took out the shaver and went at it. I could hear the boys behind me. Kathy was telling them about how thick my hair used to be. "Now his hairstyle is made up of mostly skin," Jake said. Oh,they all laughed, including the woman shaving my dome. I watched the grey hair fall on the floor beside my chair. "Do you normally shave your head like this?" the woman asked. "What's the di

That's So Retarded

I never liked that word. In fact, whenever someone says it, it smacks me like a swear word. I can't imagine having a child who may be suffering from a mental disorder and overhearing someone just casually throw out the word - "retarded". What brings it to mind is because I saw a young kid on a job this morning. He had a stud in his eyebrow, one in his tongue, one in his upper lip and two or three in each ear. He was standing next to an old-time construction guy. "Did it hurt when you got those rings installed?" I asked the kid. "He didn't feel a thing," the old-timer butted in, "because he's retarded." For the first time, hearing the word didn't bother me so much because perhaps the old-timer was on to something. The kid lisped something about time passing us by and how his generation was into the whole ring thing. "Come on," I pressed on, "that one in your lip must bug you when you eat." "No," the ki

Nobel Peace Prize Nomination

Saw that Obama was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize and listened to the voices of opposition that say that he hasn't done his time yet. I sort of agree. I think the Noble Peace Prize should have gone to my wife. She has an insane ability to sense when a fight is about to start, and is able to quickly put an end to it before I need to get involved. Yesterday we were watching the Bills game, along with the Red Sux playoff loss - both games made me laugh so hard that I was nearly crippled with pain. Bye Bye Ortiz and Pukoulis, and Papelbon (hey maybe now you know why Mariano deserves to close the all-star games). And the Bills...My God. The interviews afterwards are funny. "We feel that we're moving in the right direction." I'd love to bungle my job that bad and tell my boss that one. Anyway, Jake and Sam were playing an NBA Live game. Unfortunately, Sam was winning. We heard what sounded like a controller being smashed off a wall, and Kathy was up and out of her seat. Sh

45 Freaking Years Old! Really?

I was watching the start of the Red Sux game the other night when the announcer stated that Jon Lester was born in 1985. By 1985 I couldn't drink like I used to. I was preparing to enter my senior year in college, Born in the USA was still on the charts, and Mattingly was still playing. All of this comes to light because next Sunday I'll be sort of celebrating the fact that I'm turning 45-freaking-years old. Me? 45? Skidding towards 50? And Jon Lester still ain't 25? The reality of it all came crashing down the other night as I had a few beers with friends and family members. "Look around," Chucky said. "We're the oldest people in here." And it was true. The youngsters were looking at us with disdain, and wondering why the hell someone played The Allman Brothers, and the Rolling Stones off of Some Girls. "Do you realize this album came out in '75?" I said as Shattered obliterated the quiet. Our table was the only group singing alon

45 Freaking Years Old! Really?

Top 5 Reasons to Hate the Yankees...And Rebuttal

I get it. Not everyone shares my love for the Yankees. I do understand it, but perhaps I can change your mind. Reason #1 - Their radio announcers John Stirling and Susyan Waldman suck. Stirling says things like, "There are two outs and if the Yankees get one more out, they'll be out of the inning." He also says, "There's an A-Bomb from A-Rod," or "Nick Swisher hits a home run. That's Swishalicious!" Rebuttal #1- I got nothing - they suck. Reason #2 - They have all the money. It isn't fair. Rebuttal#2 - Quick, think of it. Do you have a neighbor who is less fortunate than you? Did you ever think of giving him your television because the one he has just doesn't measure up? Do you like another sports team who's owner won't spend money? Don't you hate him because of that? You can't have it both ways. And the 1.8 billion spent since the Yanks last won a World Series? How much did they make in that time? 2.2 billion? Isn't

Thank You, Gow School

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We're going to a ceremony tomorrow to memoralize the greatest guy I ever met. It won't be easy, but it's a hell of an honor. The Gow School has dedicated their new facility to the memory of Jeff. If you get a chance tomorrow, send him your thoughts. His life deserves to be honored. Here's to you, pal. We're trying to fill the empty spaces with love. The Gow School is helping us do that.

None of This Has Happened Yet

Eight years ago today I was getting prepared to head over to The Women & Children's Hospital to learn about the size and severity of the tumor inside my boy's chest. We were in full emergency mode and our world was crashing down. Fast-forward to last night. We were all on the couch watching the Yankees game one playoff win. Jake was between Kathy and me, making fun of me as I stumbled through a veiled threat to send him to bed early. His laughter elicited laughter from his mother, and though I grabbed for him, he went low and poked me in the ribs, giggling as he broke away. And the feeling that I've been blessed, at various times in my life - blessings almost too overwhelming to appreciate - struck me straight between the eyes. I was in full appreciation for nearly a full 60 seconds of my day. Then Jeter homered and I was even more appreciative. Yet in this catastrophe of life there are certainly moments, memories, and instances we can certainly do without. Yesterday a

Baseball Been Berry, Berry Good to Me

Last night, while on the road, I got a telephone call from Sam who was watching the baseball play-in game between the Twins and the Tigers. He was calling me to get on me a little bit because the Tigers had taken the lead after I had predicted early last week that it would be Twins versus Yankees in the first round. He was calling because it was a great game, with everything on the line, and it was a game that he won't soon forget. It called to mind the Yankees-Red Sox play-in game when Bucky Dent homered. I was 13 years old then, and I was listening to my Dad about who would win and why. My Dad was right by calling the Yankees back then, and I stunned my son yesterday when the Twins came back to win. And that's what really matters. Now, tonight, the Yankees start their playoff season. The air is cool. The wind is blowing. The Yankees are favored, and I'm a little nervous with anticipation. I'll watch every pitch with the boys sitting right there beside me - with one of

It's Always 3 O'Clock in the Morning

We saw the neighbors taking a walk with their newborn yesterday. Kathy was chatting with the happy mother as I spoke to the father. He explained that he was going out of town the next night and that life was tough when the kids are so young. I thought back to those days and nights when sleep-depravation was part of life, and I felt bad for the poor bastard. "She's just beautiful," he said. "I wouldn't want it any other way." "Of course you wouldn't, but tomorrow night when your wife is chasing the kids around and you're laying in bed watching a rerun of Friends, you'll really feel bad." My neighbor laughed, but he sort of cautioned me with his eyes to keep my voice down as if his wife didn't know that his night out would be restful. And I thought back to a meeting I had with a woman last week - after raising a 16-year old she found out that she was pregnant. At the age of 40 she was planning to have a second kid with her husband

For All You Golfers Out There

Thanks for a great season...got this e-mail today and loved it. Dear Friends, Many of you may not realize it, but I've been very busy over the last three years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book. I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information I've gained through my years of lessons, struggle and experiment. I am very proud of the results, and to assist with marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I hope you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game much more while you enjoy the great outdoors. The cost is only $9.95. Don't wait until they're all gone !!!! Table of Contents: Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt. Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the Tee. Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker. Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank. Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger. Ch

Part Man-Part Monkey

Kathy and the boys left the house last night to babysit a two-year-old. Dylan is a cute kid, but I don't hang much with two-year-olds anymore. So, I hung with Melky and watched a baseball game. I also found that flipping through the stations passed a few minutes time until 48 Hours came on. I came across Kirk Cameron the former sitcom, Growing Pains star. Since that time he has sort of given up acting and is a star of preaching about God. Good enough. He seems like a decent enough fellow, but he is currently on tour disputing the Evolution theory and Darwin as a man. He was on for just a couple of moments, but I felt bad for him. Why is he bothering? Did man evolve from ape? Is God the master of all creation? What do you believe? What does he believe? Why doesn't everyone believe the same things? I coaxed Melky off the couch for a trip outside and since it was quiet, I decided to just sit with her and feel the cool air. A full moon was staring back at me above the whispering tr

One Hit to the Body

The old Rolling Stones song, One Hit to the Body , came on just as I was pulling into the driveway after a quick trip to the grocery store. I stayed in the car and listened to the hard-rocking tune all the way to the end, and a song that I'd heard was about drug abuse took on a whole new meaning as Mick wailed and Keith strummed. If you have the old CD - catch the line where Mick yells, So help me, God. So help me G-ah,ah,ah,ahd. Awesome. And I thought of One Hit to the Body in context of Ted Williams' poor head where reports are saying that some lab techs took baseball swings at it with a monkey wrench. What is going on, people? Who is that guy? Ridiculous. And I thought of it in the context in which Mick and Keith supposedly wrote the song and the pain of addiction and the lines - I can't clean you out of my veins. The protaganist in the song obviously feeling the pain of the destruction he is leaving in his wake. As the song ended the radio host said that the Stones were

Foolish Behavior

So Roman Polansky fled the country because his wife had been murdered by Charles Manson's crew and he thought that 42 days was too much jail time for the rape he committed. After all, she was 13 years old, and that was a long time ago. Besides, he's a big-time director, and we should just let him go after all this time. Boo-hoo - face the music - loser. You should have received more than 42 days in jail. Ran into a guy today who explained that he is facing jail time because he returned from work, found his wife in bed with a good friend of his, and beat the guy with a baseball bat, breaking both of the fellow's legs. I asked him if he was sorry he did it, and he said, "Yeah, the guy was a golf partner of mine." And David Letterman? Come on, now. He's another guy I really admired. His quick wit was always something I admired. He didn't deserve to be shaken-down, but it's hard to be a victim of a shake-down if you are up front, right? Whatever. Just mor

The Big Picture

Did you ever go to a movie and then feel as if you were an actor playing a part as you were walking from the theatre? Movies are broken down frame-by-frame so that all conflict is resolved in a short period of time. Time is controlled, emotions are controlled, and issues are confronted and defeated. Love looks better in the movies. The sex scenes are always smoking hot. The fight scenes are always crisp. Men get shot and rub the bullet wound. Women laugh and cry all in one sound. I think the most weirded out I ever felt after leaving a movie was the first or second Rocky when my date said: "I wish you were built like Sylvester Stallone." I believe that my answer to that was something along the lines of: "Don't hold your breath on that one." Yet as I begin the third last month of the most putrid of all years, I've been playing a mental game to try and stay strong. I've been reminding myself at every down-trodden moment to remember the big picture. This is