Thoughts of a Common Man

Back a few years ago I spoke at a safety seminar in Vegas. One of the other speakers was a police officer from Colorado. It was just after pot was legalized out there. The officer was there to warn us about guys working high and how dangerous it could be. Obviously being high while working at heights is trouble, but the officer also spoke about how his job had changed. Even routine traffic stops took on a new flavor. “Guy was driving 33 in a 65. I pulled him to the side of the road, and when he opened the window it was like a scene out of Cheech & Chong. I asked him for his license and registration and he immediately handed me his license and then he leaned to the glovebox looking for the registration. His movements were slow, slow, slow and I almost laughed as I watched him. A good three minutes later he found the registration and it took another minute to realize that he had to turn and hand it to me. He said, ‘Here’s the registration, dude, but I have no idea where my license is

Trevor Lawrence has been the number one pick since about 1999, it seems. Today is the day he goes to the Jags. He could’ve gone to the Jets but they decided to win a couple of meaningless games last year. Typical J-E-T-S - Jets, Jets, Jets! Thing is, I couldn’t possibly care less, but I know a lot about it because my favorite sports talk show - Dan Patrick - has been talking about it all week. And you have to hand it to the NFL because they made it an event. Quick, when does any other league hold their drafts? And the thing is, most of the picks will bomb. Hardly any of the quarterbacks drafted early actually stay with their teams after a few years. But the league has sold hope! I try to pigeon-hole my kids into saying who they want the Bills to draft but it doesn’t matter. Whoever the Bills get will be “the guy I wanted!” The Bills will do interviews about how: “We took the best player on the board. We can’t believe he was still there!” Me? I’ll be tuned into baseball somehow. It’s fu

 Spoke at length with an anti-vaxxer yesterday. I knew I was in trouble when he asked me if I’d been vaccinated. “Johnson & Johnson,” I said. “Did you grow a third nipple?” He laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. “Let me ask you, why would you do that?” I didn’t want the conversation but I was sort of trapped there. “A lot of death,” I said. “I’m in the age range. Watched it take a couple of guys I know.” “They were probably already sick. For me, I’m healthy as a horse. I’m not putting that in my body. They don’t know what they’re doing. It’s all been rushed.” I nodded. Tried not to get aggravated. Screw it! “They? Who’s they? The scientists? The ones who’ve been working on this for decades? This wasn’t just a concoction whipped up in a basement.” “Come on, dude. They’re just controlling you.” “How?” I asked. “I got the shot. Hurt for a day. Haven’t had the urge to do anything for them since I got it.” “But you still have a mask, why?” “Because it’s not a sacrifice to do it

I truly can’t get over how simple-minded some of the consumers of the news can be. Last week, Biden spoke at a climate change conference. He mentioned goals related to a reduction of greenhouse gases by 2030. Someone spun it into a belief that no one was going to be allowed to eat beef anymore. That evolved into everyone gets a burger a month. 24-48 hours later, the story was everywhere. Guys on the site were angry. “He wants to stop people from eating hamburgers!” “He never said that,” I tried. (I don’t know why I try). “Everyone has to drive an electric car. No more gas-fueled cars. He’s gonna’ stop the automakers from making them.” I laughed, and left. Forgot about it until I was home and scrolling Twitter. The one burger a month story was pretty much everywhere. The gaslighting is amazing to me. Blatant falsehoods are simply repeated. The January 6th whitewashing is almost complete. Kevin McCarthy appeared on the Sunday news shows and completely undersold the entire attack. To here

It’s truly crazy. Every time I cut up an onion to prepare a sauce I hear my Dad’s voice in my head: “Cut it up small.” I don’t think I was more than 10 years old when he told me that. He used to grab one of us on Sunday morning to teach us the tricks of the trade. We all learned to make great sauce. The thing is, I have never quite got his marinara down. Mine is good to very good. His was absolutely ridiculous, and my brother Jeff really had it down as well. I can’t ask them now! I know that a great olive oil is required and garlic and onion (cut up small) of course, but the spices may be where I’m a tad off. Dad used a log of basil and black pepper.  Kathy doesn’t want things too spicy, so I take a better run at it when I’m cooking for myself. The thing is... ...it’s all about that little voice in my head. That’s the cool part of cooking some 37 years later. My boys haven’t stood beside me and helped as I’ve made the sauce, but lately there have been signs. “I made some of the clams,”

I’m throwing my hat in the ring! I’m ready to take over for Alex Trebek. I saw some clips of Aaron Rodgers. He isn’t funny, and I’m smarter than him. We would just have to put it on cable because I would like the opportunity to swear a little if the feeling strikes me. Truth be told, I don’t watch a lot of game shows. I don’t know why but puzzles and games make me feel anxious. It has something to do with being impatient, I think. But that shouldn’t stop me from hosting, right? The reasons why I need to be the host? 1). It’s an easy gig and a natural for me! They give you the answers!! I have condescending prick down to a science. I’ve been pretending that I’m smart for like 56 and a half years. 2). They film it all in about a week’s time. They pay you a king’s ransom for very little work. Trebek was outstanding at it and got a whole lot of respect, but he was only working about a week a year. That’s perfect! 3). Rodgers doesn’t need the gig. He’s the freaking quarterback for the Packe

SNL did a skit a couple months back about how women all across this great land are addicted to murder shows.  There are a whole bunch of stations devoted to it. The shows run one after another, all day long - 24/7. My beautiful wife has caught about 90% of them. We devote our weekends to the new ones on Dateline and 48 Hours. First off, I don’t know what the attraction is to watch such shows. It’s the worst of humanity, but the stories draw me in. Lately, I have really been feeling the deaths. On Friday night they detailed the murder of a pretty young woman from Florida. One of her friends shot her in the back of the head for about $30 grand. “What a damn shame,” I said, more than once. “What would make you do something like that?” “Oh there’s a few people out there,” Kathy said with a laugh. “Really?”  I don’t know about my wife (which is a little scary) but I’ve never had even a passing thought. I’m a pretty passive guy. But the thing is, on Friday night as I watched that show, hundr

The snow has been flying around these parts. I had to dig the damn snow brush out to clean my car on Wednesday morning.  I mowed the lawn on Monday! (With the new mower! Took me a quarter of the time. Kept thinking, ‘Why the hell didn’t I buy one two years?’) But the point is, the lawn was looking good. Now it’s covered in snow. Which hasn’t irritated me quite as much as digging my winter jacket out again. That’s enough! We golfed on Sunday and the course was in good shape. We have a tee time for Sunday but that’s not looking good, at all. “I looked at the month coming up,” one guy said. “I’m thinking that winter will be over in a couple of days.” That didn’t stop me from saying, “How was your summer?” All day long. And in the cold, everything has ached. My mood has been dour. I get through the work week by looking at my tee time. “Gonna be in the 50’s tomorrow.” Yippee! And the Yankees scored more than 5 runs! So, who knows? Maybe I’ll be mowing again next week.

We stumbled upon a show on Amazon Prime. ‘Survivor’s Remorse’ had a 3-season run and we didn’t know anything about it until we watched the first episode. It’s a funny, heartwarming show. I was having a grand time watching it until there was a tragic incident. One of the very funny characters says: “Life. Everything is great until it ain’t.” About twenty years ago I learned the most important lesson of my life: “No matter how much I struggle to control things, I don’t have any say in the major life happenings.” Zero control. And the more people you know, and let into your life, the more tragedy you’ll be exposed to.  That’s just how it works, and man, some news is way too difficult to digest. Lives are defined by struggle and pain. People are defined by how they handle it. I have moments when I catch myself just shaking my head. It’s the only accurate response. I often think of Steinbeck and “The Grapes of Wrath.” Specifically, the moment when Tom Joad has to leave and his father asks h

I wasn’t nervous about the decision against Chauvin. He was as guilty as I’ve ever seen in a criminal case.  A virtual slam dunk. But I still don’t have the answer I’ve been looking for since last May. “What the hell was he doing?” He murdered George Floyd, knowing he was being filmed. He knew the man couldn’t breathe. He heard the voices of the people begging him to stop. He didn’t. I have just one explanation for what he was doing. He was trying to show all those who were gathered there who was in charge. The more they begged for mercy the more he played the tough guy. Of course there was a lot of banter in the moments leading up to the reading of the verdict. Most of the people who reached out couldn’t find it in their heart to believe that the verdict would be guilty on all counts. I truly did. Those same people were thrilled and began texting about hope and a turning tide. I’m not sure about that either. Chauvin is heading to prison because it was filmed. The cynic in me believes

Our first golf outing at our home course was nothing like we imagined. One member of our foursome is on the 60-day IL and we were certainly going to miss him. He will be back as strong as ever soon. A couple of hours before our Sunday tee time 2 more had to bow out. More sad health news, but we will help our buddies battle through as well. We were down to two at the tee, but I was excited about the new driver and the relatively sunny day. I removed my $400 purchase from the bag and headed to the tee. It snapped in my hand! I didn’t even bring my old driver! Now what? I borrowed my buddies driver and yanked one to the right. On the next hole, I did the same thing. Nearly 20 years with the old driver! Thankfully I’m an elite athlete because I figured out to hit my buddies driver and the rest of the day was great fun. I hit one straight at the pin on a par three and when it was in the air I honestly thought it was going in. It skidded 10 feet past, and I missed the birdie putt, but oh wel

Before I got out of bed on Sunday morning I received texts that brought bad health news for people that I know. Haven’t we all had our fill of that? When the word mentioned is cancer, there’s a true feeling of absolute dread and I often think of the horrific days spent in a hospital. Zero sleep. Profound sadness. And there’s not a whole lot you can say to comfort someone. It’s all about just being there. When the bad news hits it also seems to come in waves. “Did you hear about? So, I guess the best thing that I can do is to pray and hope and be a friend. That’s all there is to hold onto. Yet, I always think back to when Jake was battling his health problems as a young child. A friend of ours mentioned that the best thing we could do was stay positive. Sounds easy, but I’m telling you, it helped me. Every single time I felt the negative starting to creep in... ...I thought of what she said, and I stayed above the despair. For my friends battling... ...keep battling. And stay upbeat. So

Baseball season hasn’t actually started yet for the Yankees. They spend six weeks getting ready and for the 3rd time in the last 5 years they’ve showed up to play the games... ...and they’ve stunk up the joint. The last time they started this badly they won 103 games, and the last time they were in last place they won 125 games, back in ‘98. Yet when a team is in the middle of a slide like this it doesn’t feel like they’ll ever win again. I suspect that they will eventually remember how to hit, but I gotta’ tell you, it’s no fun to watch them right now. Uncle George used to say that Yankees fans have better days when we win the night before. I am definitely happier on the days following a Yankee win. I definitely know not to panic. I also know that guys usually end up producing to the numbers on the back of their baseball cards. But we are not a patient society and the Yankees fan base is definitely not patient. On Friday night they threw stuff on the field. On Saturday, everyone got b

I’m not a fan of the big, dark clouds that seem to press down on you from above. Unfortunately I had to drive 5 hours over the course of a couple of days and soon enough, we had a theme. I heard a song, ‘Shining Eyes’ by James McMurtrey that made me think of 1989, and a girl I was dating back then.  I saw her clearly in my mind’s eye, and those dark clouds pressed down as I mourned her passing about a year ago. I thought of her life for about twenty or thirty miles and it hurt my heart. Mick & Keith came on a little while later doing ‘Memory Motel’ with the chorus, “You’re just a memory of a love that used to mean so much to me.” So, we definitely had a theme for the lonely dark ride! Then I heard about an illness, thought about the latest mass shooting, and the kid who was shot dead in Chicago. Man, life can beat you down! Then I thought back to some of the summer days in the past. A softball game, or a night out with a group of friends, throwing darts or playing video hockey. I’v

 We watched the show “Them.” “This is Us” did an episode that dealt with subtle racism. I’ve thought a lot about the differences between a black guy and a white guy at a traffic stop. I heard Springsteen and Obama discuss race relations in America. And I’ve long considered my own past problems in dealing with race. No one actually believes that they are a racist. I’m embarrassed by thoughts that I had as a younger man. I listened to Senator Kennedy try and explain crime in America. (Don’t watch it. It’s brutal). And more than anything else there needs to be a better conversation about race in this country. Some of those things are happening. Springsteen and Obama reached for a higher ground in their conversation but they came at it from the viewpoint that they do not understand exactly what the other man felt. Which is where those conversations have to begin. I’ve done it with friends of mine, through the years, who’ve been black, Hispanic and Chinese. They laughed along with my stupid

My poor son Sam spent a lot of time mowing the lawn with a busted up mower. I’m not one for mechanical matters so even though we only broke the handle, we didn’t have the bolts to fix it. Then there was the hole in the deck and the trouble we had in lowering or raising the deck. It was an old mower and it should’ve been junked back in 2019 but we just didn’t get around to it in 2020. So, comically, every time we mowed the lawn we bitched about the mower. And still, nothing happened. Here in 2021, I was the unlucky guy who went out to mow the lawn on Saturday. I was laughing a bit as I struggled through the task. I passed Sam as I headed in: “How’s she running?” He asked. We both laughed. “That’s the last time we will mow the lawn with that mower.” It was on my mind on Tuesday as I worked. I would swing by Home Depot and get a brand new one. I was up in the Falls when I passed the house. There were a dozen mowers decorating a man’s front lawn. I slammed on the brakes and pulled in. “You

All my life I have enjoyed baseball. It’s getting on my nerves.  My list of complaints? 1). Umpiring: Ryu of the Jays is a good pitcher. He was getting pitches in the opposite batter’s box. As my Dad would yell on that bad of a strike call: “They couldn’t hit that with a canoe paddle!” Not just balls and strikes. They missed a call in the Sunday night game, went to replay and missed it again. A Mets player won a game by sticking his elbow out to get hit with a pitch that was actually a strike! Game winning run scored!! 2). The Shift:  The games problems could all be fixed by making fielders stand close to where they’re supposed to be playing! The Rays regularly use 4 outfielders. That’s not how the game was designed. It was a game that was perfectly symmetrical. Position guys, for sure, that’s part of the game, but it’s out of hand now. It has led to batters just swinging for the fences. 3). Enough with the relievers! Everyone throws 98. You don’t face a pitcher twice in a game. 5 inni

I was pulled over a little while back. I spotted the cop, a little late, I suppose, but it was during mid-day traffic and I was in the middle of a pack of cars. When the cop pulled out with his lights on I thought: “Some poor bastard.” He got behind ME! Lit me up! I pulled over and waited. He scared the hell out of me by showing up on the passenger side. “What’s up?” I asked. I had zero fear. Didn’t even think of it much. “Speeding,” he announced. “Speeding? Are you kidding me? There were 25 cars packed together.” He just looked at me. “License and registration.” It all went smoothly. He didn’t ask me if I had a weapon. I didn’t worry about where my hands were. I reached for my wallet and the registration without even considering anything at all other than I was pissed off. I thought about that little interaction when I thought about Duante Wright who was shot to death on Sunday in Minneapolis. They stopped him because he had an air freshener hanging from his mirror. You shouldn’t die

What is the end game with the car warranty calls that we all receive at least 5 times a week?  I usually get that call in the middle of a busy work day from a number that looks familiar. Like everyone else, I don’t get a lot of real calls anymore so it startles me when it rings. I also have to answer calls because my business runs on it, and there’s the pre-recorded auto warranty rant. Of course, I swear and immediately hang up and I imagine everyone else does as well... ...so what is the purpose??? Does anyone know? My phone is always in my hand or close by. I get a phone usage notification once a week and it is kind of embarrassing. I try to reason with it: “I’m not really on it that much!” But, we all are! “Shit!” Kathy called out the other day as we were watching a movie. I looked over in alarm. She was staring at her screen. “What happened?” I asked, believing someone died. “I can’t beat this level,” she said. And I am certainly old enough to recall leaving my house in the morning

It all started to go downhill when I received a text on Friday afternoon. “Your shot is today.” “Bah! You said it was Saturday.”  “Yeah. I was wrong.” So my plans for Friday were changed and all of it made me change my plans for Saturday because I woke up feeling like garbage. Muscle pain and extreme fatigue. “Rest and plenty of fluids,” my older sister said. I tried, but I had plans! Decided to work my way through it. I gathered the laundry, cleaned the litter box, and went out and push mowed the lawn with the broken down mower that we definitely need to replace. Turns out that working through it isn’t a great idea. I caught the end of another lifeless Yankees game (they can start the season any day now) and instead of cooking dinner... ...we ordered Mexican. I ate pretty well. (The only thing that went as planned!) And we have a tee time for Sunday but all I’ve read about is rain. Whatever happens, I have some built in excuses: 1). The wet conditions. 2). Side effects from shot. 3).

“I’ll give you the shot on the count of 3,” the nurse said. She jabbed me before she even got to two. I’d say that it didn’t even hurt but there ain’t no way that you don’t feel it. “Why would you get it?” One worker said. “You’d survive Covid.” “How do you know that for sure?” I asked. “I don’t, but you probably would.” Probably? I got the shot for the greater good and so I do have a better chance of survival. I got the J&J one and done shot and that’s good for me because I hate having things hanging over my head. Waiting a couple of weeks for a second shot would’ve messed with me. “They made it using aborted fetus tissue,” someone else mentioned to me. “Is that true?” I asked. “For sure, I read all about it.” I don’t even know what to say about some of what is being bantered about. I don’t think that Bill Gates planned all of this in an effort to turn me into a 🧟‍♀️ zombie. I’m quite convinced that a microchip wasn’t pumped into my veins so they can track me. Whoever ‘they’ are.

The Derek Chauvin murder trial has been in the news non-stop all week. I haven’t watch or listened to any of it. I don’t see why I should. It’s not exactly a riveting who-done-it, and I was so disgusted the first and only time I saw the video, and that smirk. What sort of defense could they possibly mount? Paint George Floyd as a bad guy?  It doesn’t matter what he did. He was subdued. Passing a counterfeit bill? The punishment isn’t death. Are they trying to say George Floyd died of a drug overdose? First off, that would be a hell of a coincidence. He died of an overdose at the exact time someone knelt on his neck for 9 minutes. Secondly, if someone is potentially overdosing wouldn’t the action of a police officer be a compassionate one? “He was struggling with an overdose so I tried to save him by making sure he couldn’t breathe?” Now, I understand that every man or woman has the right to a fair trial and the right to be judged by his peers, but I think I could’ve prosecuted this cas

Timing and good fortune has allowed me to watch the Flintstones right after dinner.  Two nights in a row! The Wednesday episode was about Fred heading back to high school for two weeks. It’s such a great show. Mr. Slate and Dino were featured in the episode and Barney Rubble is the absolute best. Freddy at the malt shop because he was back in high school as an adult is the absolute best. And the funny thing is that I’ve seen every episode and can remember all of them. Back in the 90’s I used to head home for lunch and I’d catch the Stones at noon as I did my laundry. A half an hour of cartoons is the best for driving aggravation away. What kills me about the old shows is that they all had what are now considered to be tasteless jokes. Wilma and Betty were the loving wives and Fred and Barney did the whole ‘king of the castle’ stuff. Barney made fat jokes. Fred did the short jokes to pick on his buddy Barney. That’s what drives me a little crazy. I wonder what’s going to happen to comed

 It’s been more than a year since I got a massage. As I write this I’m feeling muscle spasms in my lower back and left leg. The poor girl who massaged me talked about how knotted up everything was, and I’m a huge proponent of massage therapy to help keep people (oldish people) climbing ladders and other foolish things. Before I went to the massage the first guy I saw on Tuesday asked me if I was limping. “Nah, this is it,” I said. But after the massage I thought about skipping. I instantly made another appointment for a few weeks from now. The massage, coupled with warm temperatures, a tee time set for Sunday, and back-to-back Yankees wins shook me out of the little funk I was in after finding out a buddy was and will be on the injured list for awhile... ...but he’s gonna’ be all right and I’m thankful for that and hopeful he’s back in the foursome soon enough. Gotta’ take the good days when they come. Hoping to string a few together.

Sam was just 11, Jake was 13  and Matt was 16 just ten years ago. Now that they’re mostly functioning adults it’s hard to recall that we had to do so much back then. Now I’m looking at ten years from now. They’ll be in their 30’s and mostly done with us. And I’ll be retired. Which is weird to me. My Dad once told me that he always felt like he was the same age... ...well into his 50’s. He couldn’t believe he was as old as the calendar told him and that’s mostly how I feel about it. I’ll be 57 this year? That seems weird to me. So, I didn’t have a lot of ambition yesterday as I took a day off, but that was weird too. I got a few emails and calls, and I answered them without stress. The day moved pretty slowly. I watched King of Queens and House. I hit a bucket of balls, did some work in the house, made pasta. But I also planned out the rest of the week, knowing that I’d be working. Which allowed me to feel productive. I’m thinking I might get bored if there’s nothing to plan. A good bud

I could feel it coming. Like a freight train. I needed a mental health day and since Easter hit yesterday I worked April 05 onto the schedule. A day off. “What am I going to do?” I asked Kathy. “Don’t do anything. Isn’t that the point?” And that is the point. Sometimes, when I think about it, it’s kind of preposterous that we all put in so much time at work. 50, 60, 70 hour work weeks with such little time to spend at home. When Covid hit last year and everything shut down there was a lot of angst about life actually going back to normal. But since the start of the year it seemed like there was precious little time for the little things and I kept thinking: “I need a day.” So, here’s the day. In bed until at least 7:00 which is sleeping in. Coffee while I watch the morning news programs. Then planning and making dinner and seeing what the boys are up to. Kathy is getting her first shot. Miller and Paris will be thrilled to have me around all day. If work calls, I’ll answer it and push

This Easter we are having a subdued celebration once again. Just three of us for dinner, and I’m already kind of stuck because I keep making way too much food. We have a huge ham. Our Covid shots are all coming in rapid fashion starting on Monday so we are still not comfortable in huge gatherings. Oh well. Maybe next year, but we’ll be all right. I have a bunch of Easter memories to get me through. When we were kids we spent a lot of time in church. As an altar boy my service was required for almost all of Holy Week and on Thursday a shiver went up my spine as I thought about how endless the stations of the cross was. In 1988 my college buddy called me on Good Friday and he told me that he had two tickets to see Springsteen on Saturday night. In Long Island. “No chance,” I said. “Flights are a fortune.” “I’ll give you an hour to think about it.” So, me and my buddy Tom got in the car and drove all the way there, watched Bruce for 4 hours, and drove all the way home. I ate Easter dinner

A Good Friday attack at the Capitol Building that results in the death of another policeman. Guess the barricades have to go back up.  And while the government seems to be back up and running, with infrastructure on the table, there was a story about Matt Gaetz a congressman from Florida. You know the guy. Huge forehead, hair slicked back, dresses like he’s making his confirmation and it’s his first day in decent clothes. He’s the one who wore a gas mask into congress to make fun of Covid. Real genius. Seems he has allegedly used funds to bring young girls - one who was 17 - to hotel rooms. Wild accusations of drugs & sex and a precise statement that he flashed nude photos of girls to brag to his coworkers. Crazy. That’s what he’s doing instead of representing his constituents? Or, I don’t know, working??? How has he survived even a couple of days here? Shouldn’t he be held to account? He’s on committees that work oversight. Didn’t Al Franken quit over a tasteless joke that he perf

The snow is gonna’ fly around Buffalo today, but at 1:00 Cole will be on the bump as the Yankees batter the hapless Blue Jays in the Bronx. The March to 28 begins! (Again - let’s stay healthy!) Let’s get the predictions in: National League East:  The Braves will win the division but it’ll be close and the Mets will grab one of the wild cards. National League Central: They are all mediocre. I’m thinking the Cardinals because I never know who is on their team, but they’re always in the mix. The winner will just be an opponent in the playoffs - won’t last long. NL West Dodgers have a payroll that is about $60 million higher than any other team. They better get some wins for all that money. They’ll win the division, but barely over the Padres. NL Pennant: I should pick the Dodgers but don’t want to. I’m going to go out on a limb. (Tell you later). AL West: Everyone hates the Astros but they’re probably the best team in the west. I’m rooting against them, so I’ll pick the A’s. Trout misses