Weird and Absurd

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You know there are moments in the day when things are going real fast when I'll pass something on the road, or hear a song on the radio, or smell an old familiar smell that brings me back in time to something else.

And right at that moment, I'll stop and consider all the things that have happened in my life, and in the lives of so many other people, and I'll think:

"Man, it's just so absurd."

I really don't feel that I will live another month in my life when I won't think that the whole shebang (to steal one of my beautiful wife's new favorite words) is just sort of weird.

Do you find life weird and absurd at times?

And I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and he mentioned something about it being a good thing that he was blessed with enough intelligence to look at certain situations and make a sound decision.

I told him that maybe it would have been better if we were born, or somehow stayed real simple.

When things get complicated by feelings of love, or passion, or extreme ambition, that's when it gets painful, right?

Think of all the things that you didn't know as a kid. Wasn't there a certain grace and a real freeing feeling to just bounce a ball off the wall for awhile oblivious to some of the strangeness in life that can hold you down?

I'm not sure if all the thinking about things has left me further ahead or miles behind. Have I lost or gained sight? Am I riding in the seat or have I fallen beneath the wheel?

My Dad used to tell me that at any age you can look back ten years and really wonder what the hell you were thinking, and why you were so naive to what the world can do.

It certainly applies at the age of 46. It applied at the age of 12, and will most likely apply at the age of 75.

What the hell was I thinking?

The problem, of course, being the sense of loss that I feel and will feel for the rest of my days. I know all of my family members feel it. I know so many other people who feel it in their own lives.

As I was out signing copies of Oh Brother! I ran across so many people who'd lost a brother, mother, father, cousin, best friend, husband or wife.

I certainly hurt for them as well, but often times, as they were telling me their story, with tears in their eyes, or streaming down their faces, I could only think:

Isn't this crazy?

I don't feel this blog post racing to any sort of wise conclusion.

How could it?

I will close my eyes tonight with a whole new set of responsibilities facing me in the morning.

Sometimes it might be better to be oblivious to it all.

Man, I feel so weird that it's just plain absurd.

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