HE BLAMED THE DOOR!!!

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My heart has been so heavy all week.

I’ve listened to anguished parents wail in horror as they spoke of their beautiful murdered children.

I drove past a funeral procession for those murdered here in Buffalo.

And I’ve tried my best not to listen to the:

“Forks don’t make you fat,” morons.

But Ted Cruz, man.

It’s hard to miss him.

He’s tried to get in front of every microphone on every station to tell us how ‘fervently’ he’s praying for answers to this real pickle of a question.

A couple of years ago it was because there weren’t enough Christians.

Texas is 93% Christian.

Japan is 2% Christian.

Guess which place has more mass shootings?

So, he needed a new talking point.

The doors!!!

I’d say watch the video but you probably don’t want to because Ted Cruz is in it, but he tries his best to sell his new theory.

“The back door was unlocked!”

Yeah.

“We need to have a front entrance and an armed guard seated there.”

That’s what we had in Buffalo.

A security guard with a pee shooter has zero chance against the weapon and the attire of a man intent to kill as many as possible.

The security guard in Buffalo was immediately killed.

So what happens then, Ted?

The gunman is marching through and no one can exit any other way except by him?

And the SWAT team?

They have to come through the one door that the man is standing in front of?

Insane.

What about regular old fires?

They also brought up the armed teachers and armed lunch ladies again.

Teachers are quitting the profession in droves.

Suddenly they need military training?

SWAT let that man alone for an hour because they were concerned for their safety!

But Edna the lunch lady is supposed to take him out???

Will Edna be forced to wear body armor as she dishes out the jello cubes?

It’s the guns, dummy.

But we most likely haven’t heard the last from Rafael from Canada.

I’m interested in seeing his next theory.

“What if we made someone really be Batman? We could send up a bat signal and everything! I’m telling you! It could work!! Batman! He’ll throw that thing from his belt and knock the gun right out of the bad guy’s hand! It could work!!”

Moronic.

My Lord.

Please, please, please…

…tell me it will be different this time.

I have doors all over my house!

 

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