Gettin’ Old
It was a straight ladder, but it was just 12’ up, so while I sighed, I didn’t say much.
The kid who was working on the roof buzzed up it, and I started my journey.
We had golfed on Sunday so the back was a little tight. Everything else felt okay, but evidently, I was a tad slow in my approach.
“Come on, old man,” he said.
I remember that it really used to piss off my Dad if someone called him ‘old man.’
I laughed.
The kid will get there too...
...faster than he imagines.
But I told him a few things about getting older.
1). Something always hurts.
“I go to bed some nights feeling great. I wake up with a swollen ankle.”
2). You hope no one calls.
“My son went to work at 7 a.m., he came home at 9 p.m. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to have a glass of wine with a co-worker. I told him to make it quick because he had to work again the next day. He said he was tired. He stayed up until 1:30 in the morning, and was up and out of bed the next morning at 6:00. He went out that night too. If I tried that I’d be in the hospital.
3). You start treasuring weird things.
“That’s my favorite spatula!”
“Those are my comfy socks.”
“You’re in my seat.”
“Oh! There’s a new Dateline!”
4). An old song makes you tear up.
“I was listening to classic rock and ‘Amanda’ by Boston came on. I remember where I was when I heard it for the first time. I remember where I bought the cassette tape, and I felt the same pain in my heart for the girl I had a crush on back then.”
5). You think you can.
“The boys were shooting hoops. I was a good shooter back in the day. ‘Here Dad!’ They bounced the ball to me. I was 12’ away. A layup back in the day. I missed by 7’”
6). Everyone looks 12.
“Stood in line at a grocery store, and the child in front of me mentioned that it had been a long day. ‘Where do you go to school?’ I asked, figuring she was maybe 14. ‘School?’ She asked. “I’m twenty-seven.”
Everyone looks like a kid.
7). What the hell happened?
“There comes a day, in every man’s life when you glance in the mirror and think, ‘What the hell happened?’”
Your hair is gone.
Your face looks puffy.
There are bags under your eyes.
Skin tags!
Stray hair in your ears and nose.
8). Sleep becomes work.
“I go to bed at ten o’clock, dead tired. I wake up at 3:30 wondering what I’m going to do with the four hours before work starts.”
We headed back down the ladder.
The kid was laughing at my little sermon.
He must’ve felt bad.
“You actually look all right for your age,” he said.
“How old you think I am?” I asked.
“Like 45?” He asked.
The kid is all right.
“I’ll be 55 in a couple of months,” I said.
“Oh damn!” He said. “I can never tell with old people.”
All right...
...so maybe the kid is a dope.
The kid who was working on the roof buzzed up it, and I started my journey.
We had golfed on Sunday so the back was a little tight. Everything else felt okay, but evidently, I was a tad slow in my approach.
“Come on, old man,” he said.
I remember that it really used to piss off my Dad if someone called him ‘old man.’
I laughed.
The kid will get there too...
...faster than he imagines.
But I told him a few things about getting older.
1). Something always hurts.
“I go to bed some nights feeling great. I wake up with a swollen ankle.”
2). You hope no one calls.
“My son went to work at 7 a.m., he came home at 9 p.m. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to have a glass of wine with a co-worker. I told him to make it quick because he had to work again the next day. He said he was tired. He stayed up until 1:30 in the morning, and was up and out of bed the next morning at 6:00. He went out that night too. If I tried that I’d be in the hospital.
3). You start treasuring weird things.
“That’s my favorite spatula!”
“Those are my comfy socks.”
“You’re in my seat.”
“Oh! There’s a new Dateline!”
4). An old song makes you tear up.
“I was listening to classic rock and ‘Amanda’ by Boston came on. I remember where I was when I heard it for the first time. I remember where I bought the cassette tape, and I felt the same pain in my heart for the girl I had a crush on back then.”
5). You think you can.
“The boys were shooting hoops. I was a good shooter back in the day. ‘Here Dad!’ They bounced the ball to me. I was 12’ away. A layup back in the day. I missed by 7’”
6). Everyone looks 12.
“Stood in line at a grocery store, and the child in front of me mentioned that it had been a long day. ‘Where do you go to school?’ I asked, figuring she was maybe 14. ‘School?’ She asked. “I’m twenty-seven.”
Everyone looks like a kid.
7). What the hell happened?
“There comes a day, in every man’s life when you glance in the mirror and think, ‘What the hell happened?’”
Your hair is gone.
Your face looks puffy.
There are bags under your eyes.
Skin tags!
Stray hair in your ears and nose.
8). Sleep becomes work.
“I go to bed at ten o’clock, dead tired. I wake up at 3:30 wondering what I’m going to do with the four hours before work starts.”
We headed back down the ladder.
The kid was laughing at my little sermon.
He must’ve felt bad.
“You actually look all right for your age,” he said.
“How old you think I am?” I asked.
“Like 45?” He asked.
The kid is all right.
“I’ll be 55 in a couple of months,” I said.
“Oh damn!” He said. “I can never tell with old people.”
All right...
...so maybe the kid is a dope.
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