Tuesday, June 7, 2016

"Maybe You're Not Fat...

...maybe you're just bloated."

That's the hook for a new commercial that has been playing on Sirius Radio.

Over and over and over again.

And every single time I think:

"How stupid!"

But I don't turn it quickly enough and I hear the reasoning.

"That spare tire you have hanging over your belt might simply be toxic sludge that you can easily get rid of if you just eat our powder."

I'm picturing about a 600-pounder sitting there going:

"I KNEW IT!!! I am really just a skinny guy trapped inside this shell of toxic sludge!"

But, you know what?

They will sell a ton of that stuff...

...whether it's toxic itself or not.

Because they are preying upon people's fears.

The commercial then goes on to say:

"If your belly is getting too flat, too quickly, just take a little less of our miracle product."

I know a few things about weight control.

When I was a senior in college I took a weight management class.

The grade for the class was determined by how much weight you lost.

I forget the specifics but it was something along the line of:

Lose 0-5 pounds - D
6-9 pounds - C
10-14 pounds - B
Over 15 - A

We would get to the class, jump a little rope, get our reading assignment and take the rest of the week out in the big bad world.

I was a senior!

We drank beer every night!!

I gained 11 pounds before I dropped the class.

Little did I know, I wasn't getting fatter...

...I was just retaining toxic sludge.

Managing weight.

Please!

There's a hole in your face, just below your nose...

...stop trying to fill it.

It's kinda' simple.

Me?

I'm just a little bloated.

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Keaton

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