Saturday, June 11, 2016

Are They Still Playing Hockey?

With apologies to Gordie Howe...

...is anyone still watching the Stanley Cup Finals?

The Sabres have been done playing for two months and the playoffs are still going on.

I think its the Penguins (who everyone outside of Pittsburgh hates because of Cindy Crosby) and the Sharks (who are so anonymous that I wouldn't be able to name three of them if you held a gun to my head).

And I'm a sports fan!!!!

I wouldn't have missed a hockey game twenty years ago.

I watched the Sabres play 82 games a year.

I argued that hockey was the best game to watch live and that the hockey players were the most down-to-earth of all the big-time sports stars.

What the hell happened?

I'll break it down for you:

1). The game is boring now.

There is way too much in the way of clutching and grabbing. No one has any idea what the stars look like. They don't market the league very well and their commish is a colossal bore.


2). It's very hard to score.

The goalies are wearing mattress pads. When the puck crosses the line the entire other team gets into goalie position in front of the goalie. So there are five guys playing goalie.

When the puck finally goes into the net everyone is surprised.

3). There is way less fighting.

I never liked fighting, but back when I was a kid there were fighters on every team. I think it's a good thing that the fighting is going away because a lot of those enforcers have been hammered into la-la-land.

But it has taken away from the excitement of the game.

4). Where are the games?

Do they even have a national television contract?

Maybe I'm missing the boat on this one, but I don't think that the Stanley Cup Finals has received much attention. I listen to sports on ESPN Radio...this is about what they have to say:

"The Sharks won last night...it's 3 games to 2 now. Pittsburgh will try to close it out in Game 6."

That's it!

Even Gordie Howe didn't stick around to see how it all played out.

But hockey was a great game.

I can fix it!

Make the nets bigger - the goalies are too big.

Make the pads smaller - it will stop people from playing goalie.

Make it 4 on 4 - the rinks are small with all those big horses running around.

Blow the whistle on the clutching and grabbing.

The game was meant to be played with speed and grace.

I miss hockey!

It's a bore now.

(This one is dedicated to Gag...who will now tell me that baseball is boring).

Gag is a silly, silly man.





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