I was just a youngster when I saw a severely broken-down, disheveled man walking along the streets where I grew up. By all accounts the man was a good enough guy, but he had a severe drinking problem and every day was spent in the pursuit of whatever he could drink. I'd often see that beat-up guy and even at ten or eleven years old I would think:
He got one life and he blew it!
Which may not have been completely fair, but I still think of that.
Because every waking moment I have in my life is spent in the pursuit of not doing that!
And yet you wonder.
Is this all there is?
That's why there is an intensity to all I do. This intensity sort of infuriates people around me, every once in awhile!
"You did that half-assed," I'll tell the boys.
I had to get cortisone shots this week. Two sets of them. I had each procedure fairly early in the morning and my thought both times was:
"How much work can I get done before this stiffens up my back (which always happens) and I can't work anymore?"
Kathy touched base after each appointment.
"Are you coming home?"
"I have a few sites to get?"
"Of course you do."
And the pressure, of course, is internal.
I told a buddy of mine:
"Every day has to be productive!"
"Getting better is progress!"
But maybe it all goes back to that guy I saw on the streets where I grew. I simply cannot fathom whiling away my time!
My idea for the year is to release two books by the end of the year. I have one in the vault and recently I've spent the time in the airport waiting areas writing something else, longhand, into my black notebook.
But there has to be life before death!
Maybe a psychologist would have a field day with that, but this past week was a good one.
I spent an afternoon with my family and I was having an easy conversation with my sister and during that talk I was actually thinking:
"This is great!"
When I stand over my ball at the third tee (which won't happen for awhile now) and gleefully think:
"The sun is on my face."
Even getting the cortisone shots I considered:
"I can get where I need to go today."
Life before death?
You gotta' force the issue!
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