Friday, May 6, 2016

Airplane Fun!

I had a decent seat.

I was at the front of the plane -8th row - and would be able to get off the plane quickly enough once we landed in New Hampshire.

I was also seated next to a smallish Asian woman who gave me a big smile as I sat down. She was at the window, (my preferred spot) but it didn't matter.

I had enough leg room.

A Asian man across the aisle leaned across me to speak (in rapid-fire Chinese) to the woman beside me. He was actually leaning on me a bit and I flashed a look of annoyance that made him step back.

It was then I realized that of the ten or so people in the immediate seating area I was the only non-Asian.

Which meant nothing to me.

I put my Yankees headphones on and closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I felt a pat on my right arm.

I opened my eyes and the woman was holding a large tumbler up and saying something.

(I don't speak Chinese).

But it appeared that she wanted a drink of some sort. Then she said, very clearly:


How could I possible tell her that the flight attendant would provide juice shortly?

I didn't even try. I smiled and nodded. She smiled and nodded back. I closed my eyes again.

One minute later she was leaning across my body.

Eyes open!

She was leaning across me to hold said tumbler out to show it to the flight attendant, who ignored her.

"Sit down," I said.

She smiled and nodded and pointed at the tumbler again.


A bit later the flight attendant ambled over. I opened my eyes.

"Would you like a drink?" She asked.

"Water," I said.

The flight attendant may have not heard me because my seat mate was in MY SEAT with her tumbler extended as she said:


"She wants juice," I said.

The woman nodded wildly.

"I can't fill her cup with juice. That's a half gallon."

I laughed.

Moments later, I was handed a small cup of water and guess who got a small cup of juice...

...she wasn't happy.

She held out the tumbler. The flight attendant said 'No!'

The woman chugged the juice and leaned across me to hand the cup to the attendant.

I sighed heavily.

Three cups of juice later, guess who tapped me to go take a piss?

I was listening to my headphones were plugged into the phone that was in my seat pocket. I stood up slowly and the woman jumped from her seat, taking the auxiliary cord with her, and my ears too because the cord was still plugged in.

"WAIT!" I yelled.

We landed.

I was ready to strangle the juice-drinking woman.

She would be out of my life in ten minutes.

But she wanted it to be quicker.

I'm not kidding here!

She actually poked me in the ribs and pointed to the aisle that was quickly filled with people who were in line to get off the plane first.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Sit the $&@" down and RELAX!!"

At least 10 rows of people heard me.

The woman said:


She sat down...and didn't move.

The flight attendant met me at the door.

"I'm sorry you went through that," she said. "When she got up to visit the rest room she actually asked for more juice."

We both laughed.

Good times.

Good times.

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