Lying For A Living

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We spent a lot of the day watching television.

When there is about six-feet of snow falling in a 24-hour period there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it.

I’ll put in some effort today, but I’m dreading every second I’m out there.

Anyway. This isn’t a snow story.

Kathy likes to watch true crime shows. We catch 20/20 and 48 Hours and Dateline.

Our favorites are the ones where a spouse gets murdered and they start it off by showing how blissfully happy they were at the wedding reception.

“She was so beautiful and intelligent and loving and warm and perfect,” the man will say in the first ten minutes of the show.

“And then I strangled her for an hour six years later,” L say.

It’s about the end all and be all of it.

Yet, what galls me the most about all of it aren’t the murderers (although I’m still fascinated by how they can do it)…

…instead, it’s the lawyers who they interview.

“My client didn’t do it. No how, no way! I have zero idea how a gallon of his blood wound up in her bathroom, and he simply went to the car wash and fully detailed his car and changed out the living room carpeting because he’s a really clean guy who was cleaning everything up because he was trying to stay busy as he grieved the loss of his brilliant, perfect, wonderful love of his life.”

How does a lawyer do that?

Does he believe it?

I know that it’s their job to represent a defendant but to straight up lie for a living?

I’m an honest guy.

Lies just don’t work for me.

I usually laugh when I try and fabricate something - which is a hell of a tell for my wife.

“You’re lying!”

And I laugh.

So, I wouldn’t have made much of a lawyer, I guess.

48 Hours Reporter: “Did your client kill his wife?” 

Me As A Lawyer: “No! Definitely not!”

And then I laugh and laugh and laugh and nearly fall out of my chair laughing.

48 Hours Reporter: “Are you laughing cause he did it and you’re lying?”

Me As A Lawyer: “No, no, no! He loved everything about her! He thought that her farts smelled like lilacs!”

The interview ends as I fall out of my chair, laughing hysterically.

48 Hours Reporter: “There you have it! His lawyer says he’s not guilty.”

(More snow tomorrow! More shows to watch. Little hint: the spouse did it).


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