May 14, 2009

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It’s the 12th anniversary of one of the most consequential nights of my life.

I was still in a fog just a couple of months after losing my brother. 

All I recall about those days was a profound sadness that truly still has not disappeared, but on May 14, 2009 I was in Albany for work.

I ended up getting roped into visiting one more job and it was nearly four in the afternoon when I called home.

“I can’t drive all the way home,” I said. “I’m tired. Maybe I’ll drive to Syracuse and do the rest of the drive in the morning.”

“Why don’t you stay in Albany and go see Bruce?” Kathy said. “He’s in Albany tonight.”

“What?” 

I’d been in such a mental fog that I had zero idea.

Twenty minutes later, I had a ticket in a section close to the stage.

But there was a huge problem. 

I couldn’t go in! 

I was too grief-stricken to see Springsteen without Jeff beside me.

I sat in the parking lot as the clock ticked closer to show time.

The phone rang.

My old friend, Duke. 

Just checking in.

I told him about my problem, and he coaxed me hard. 

He told me about losing his Mom and his Dad. 

He reminded me that I would have moments when it felt like Jeff was right beside me.

“You gotta’ take a step forward.”

I went in.

The seat next to me was empty.

Bruce entered singing, ‘Outlaw Pete.’

The chorus, “Can you hear me!” Screamed to the rafters.

I had sunglasses on to hide the tears but I was singing along.

CAN YOU HEAR ME!

Then Bruce stopped singing about 7 songs in and grabbed the mic.

He spoke of loss.

Told us all that he was dealing with loss in his own life. 

Band mate Danny Federici had died young.

“If we’re here and you’re here, they’re here too!”

I took a deep breath for the first time in two months…

…and I stood for the rest of the show.

A show that ended with Jeff’s favorite song:

American Land…

…played over and over and over…

…ten minutes of pure happiness.

Over the next few years, I went to Albany…

…by myself…

…to catch a show.

Just me, Bruce and Jeff.

So, yeah, May 14 is a day I’ll always remember.

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