How Can I Help You?
Man, I’m not good with customer service calls.
It starts with a recorded voice asking you to enter your 15-digit account number.
Then you know what the first question they ask you when you get a human?
Yeah, your 15-digit account number.
“Before we get started, what’s your mother’s maiden name?”
“Schryver.”
“What was the name of your first dog?”
“How do YOU know that?” I asked.
“Do you know it?”
“Ricky.”
“Okay, how can I help you?”
I explain the problem.
“I’m going to put you on hold for a moment.”
The music comes on.
The music keeps playing.
And playing.
And playing.
“Okay, thank you for your patience. I spoke to my manager and I have to transfer you to an expert who can help you.”
Before I can even answer...
...the music comes on.
The music keeps playing.
And playing.
And playing.
“Hi, who am I speaking with?”
“Cliff.”
“Can you give me your full name, please.”
I do.
“Do you have your 15-digit account number?”
“Oh for f***s sake!”
“Sir, this is a professional call. Please refrain from using profanity.”
I give the 15-digit number.
Again.
“For security purposes, what street did you grow up on?”
“I gotta’ go.”
“Before you go, is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No. I’m good. F**k you very much.”
It starts with a recorded voice asking you to enter your 15-digit account number.
Then you know what the first question they ask you when you get a human?
Yeah, your 15-digit account number.
“Before we get started, what’s your mother’s maiden name?”
“Schryver.”
“What was the name of your first dog?”
“How do YOU know that?” I asked.
“Do you know it?”
“Ricky.”
“Okay, how can I help you?”
I explain the problem.
“I’m going to put you on hold for a moment.”
The music comes on.
The music keeps playing.
And playing.
And playing.
“Okay, thank you for your patience. I spoke to my manager and I have to transfer you to an expert who can help you.”
Before I can even answer...
...the music comes on.
The music keeps playing.
And playing.
And playing.
“Hi, who am I speaking with?”
“Cliff.”
“Can you give me your full name, please.”
I do.
“Do you have your 15-digit account number?”
“Oh for f***s sake!”
“Sir, this is a professional call. Please refrain from using profanity.”
I give the 15-digit number.
Again.
“For security purposes, what street did you grow up on?”
“I gotta’ go.”
“Before you go, is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No. I’m good. F**k you very much.”
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