Bad, Bad News

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We were watching the move “Three Billboards” (which is very good) when the feeling swept over me like a wave.

The character played by Woody Harrelson (a very good actor, one of my favorites) was really suffering, (I won’t spoil anything), when it hit me.

At the time, I’d also been messaging back and forth with a friend of mine regarding a truly devastating diagnosis of cancer.

Horrible news.

Yet, as the movie moved on, I was having trouble actually breathing.

“It’s all shit,” a buddy texted me as we went back and forth regarding the cancer talk.

Two of the boys were in their rooms playing video games with friends. The other was at the St. Bonaventure game and I’d texted him during the tense ending. Kathy was across the room, watching the movie, the dogs were on the floor, mere feet away.

“I don’t want bad news,” I thought. “Feel like there’s bad news coming.”

I was in and out of sync with the movie.

“We can’t fear life,” I kept thinking.

But I was still feeling sadness.

We’ve all danced with heartache and heartbreak.

It’s an awful, awful waltz.

Suddenly, the kids were in the room.

They were ready to head out.

Woody was still in a horrible spot.

“Why can’t you stay home?” I thought, but didn’t say.

(I remember my Dad saying it to me when I was about 20. I never understood it. Why did he want me home?)

And then they were out the door.

It took me an hour to say it.

“Heard from the boys?”

Kathy just shrugged. The movie was nearing the end, and I was asking about them? When they were just here??

“‘Nova is up 20-0,” Sam texted me, a minute later. “We’re just watching the game at Jason’s.”

“Excellent!” I replied as if I had no angst at all.

The movie ended.

Melky and I headed up the stairs.

Kathy called after me.

“The boys will be home after the game. Everyone will be here by midnight.”

No bad news.

It’s a real bitch knowing what life can do.

I drifted off to sleep...

...trying to swallow the anxiety.

“It’s all shit,” playing over and over on a loop.

Some people never actually escape that thought pattern.

That makes for a long life, right?

It was all-consuming for just a couple of hours.

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