Thoughts of a Common Man

During the week, we all have to get up early around Camp Clifford. My beautiful wife works a shift that starts at 5 a.m. and I'm usually out of bed at various times in the middle of the night. And I have never once had to chase one of my kids out of bed to face their responsibilities of work or school. They get up and go. But I appear to be the only one who is not pissed about it. "You have way too much energy in the morning," Sam has said on many days. Friday was a little bit strange. Jake was up and dressed by the time I hit the stairs at six. He looked wide awake too. "What's up?" I asked. "Drake's album dropped." "The coffee cake guy?" Jake missed it completely. "And it's awesome," he said. Drake appears to be the Springsteen of the youth. Apparently they had been waiting some time for the album to drop. "You got it already." "It dropped at 2 a.m.,...couple of clicks,...

Went for lunch yesterday and was joined by a good buddy. As we were chatting about saving the world in our jobs as construction safety guys I noticed that my buddy kept glancing at the table over my shoulder. "What's up?" "There's an old couple behind us," he said. "They are showing their love. Public displays of affection ." "Old?" I asked. " Real old," he said. "They must not be married," I answered. There's a bit of discomfort when you want to turn all the way around and take in the scene, but I pretended to look out the window. They were old! "You think it's an affair?" my buddy asked. "Has to be," I said. "If I tried to sit next to Kathy in a booth instead of across from her she'd probably punch me." "And he keeps leaning in and kissing her cheek or holding her hand." I laughed. "Yeah, that isn't happening for me anymore,"...

Was speaking with a first-time mother-to be. The young woman was definitely on the pregnant side, but it is a little weird to ask... ...because: Back a while ago my beautiful wife asked a woman in a bar: "When are you due?" The woman replied with: "Uh, I'm not pregnant." My wife tried to shuffle her way out of it by quickly asking about the kids that the woman did have. Then she doubled-down: "Sometimes it's difficult to lose the baby weight. How long has it been?" The woman said: "13 years." I was horrified. I escaped to the bathroom only to be joined by two men who entered in near-tears. "Did you hear that broad ask Megan about being pregnant?" The first guy said. The second guy was laughing so hard that he couldn't answer. I didn't bother to add to their conversation. Anywhoha... I did have the guts to ask. "How far along?" I asked. "Six months," the young la...

I heard a line in a radio commercial that got me thinking... ...about an idea for a book. I kicked the line around as a title for a book and then my mind got moving. I saw the main character. Then the secondary characters. And then the brainstorm hit. The entire plot line. I didn't have a brand new black notebook with me, but I did have my phone and a notes section. I was typing into it so quickly that I didn't hear the first announcement to board the plane. What if! Back years ago my sister Carrie Lynn was great at doing the plot lines with me... ...she'd say... "You need to make her flawed in some way." Or... "Have him give her something that she cherishes. Then when she loses it!" All great stuff. The best part about writing something new. I was energized. I sat on the plane and just kept doing the 'What if.' The notes section was filling up quickly. I have to get a black notebook. I have to get a blac...

There was certainly a moment, after the death of Prince when I thought to myself: "This is going to get a little crazy." The tributes. The kind words. The endless playing of the songs. And there was a moment when I decided to put on an episode of Judge Judy rather than hear from the people who were being interviewed who were just clamoring to let the world know that: "Prince was perfect." People want to have their moment to say goodbye... ...they want to say kind words. Genius. Funny. Brilliant. Kind. All words that seemingly fit the entertainer... ...but I was waiting for it. "ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH WITH THE PRINCE CRAP!!" Someone finally posted such a message. Then there were people who were quick to point out that: HE SUCKED ANYWAY! I sort of find that kind of stuff fascinating. You didn't like him? Don't comment. You're tired of reading about it? Don't read about it! It was bound to get tiresom...

I can do that job! The show would have to be called Fuzzy & Ripa , but we could make it work. I'd tell her about what she needs to fatten up a little bit too. Yet Kelly Ripa is in the news this week because Michael Strahan up and quit his job as her co-host. Then news broke that they hardly got along anyways and that his leaving wasn't all that much of a surprise to anyone... ...except poor Kelly. She had no idea! So, rather than go into work and put on a bold face she essentially called in sick for a week. She's due back tomorrow. Where she will have to sit there and yuk it up with Michael... ...even though she wants to choke him. So, why not bring me in??? I'm ready! We may have to move the show to cable as the F-word may eventually slip out, but they have delay buttons for that sort of crap, don't they? (I'm a little concerned that there will now be memes of me and Kelly seated side-by-side as Chris Colantino takes shots at me...

I finished reading the book Bucky F&*$ing Dent that was written by the actor (and I guess writer) David Duchovny . I heard him speaking about the book on a radio show and decided to grab it. Duchovny explained that he was in the New England area and he heard two Bostonians talking about the game in 1978 to settle the AL East. The guys were roofers and when they got into the discussion one mentioned: Bucky F&*$ing Dent. As writing ideas go...it was all Duchovny needed to get started. The book was really good...I enjoyed the characters and the baseball talk throughout. I also liked it because I recalled every single minute of that day so long ago. I even remember the day before... ...I was listening to the Yankees play the lowly Indians. All they had to do was win and they would eliminate the Sux. They got hammered. I was 13 years old. I was pissed!! Mostly because the game to settle it all would be played on Monday afternoon...and I had school and a s...

So, ESPN finally did it. After suspending Schilling for his meme on Muslims in which he couldn't disguise his hatred, he was finally let go when he offered his invaluable intelligence on the transgender issues that some people face. It doesn't matter much what he said, but first off, his 1st amendment rights were not violated. The government did not swoop in, gather his big, goofy ass and send him off to a prison. He was fired by his employer. For conduct that was most likely not allowed in the contract he signed. That happens every single day. To people not as famous as fake-bloody-sock boy. Hell, he blocked me on Twitter for something I said about his financial failings that cost the state of Rhode Island millions so if he's all about not being offended... Schilling loves attention. He lives for the moments when we are speaking his name. I'm hoping never to have to comment again. Back about a year ago he posted something about his daughter. A b...

The news broke at around noon yesterday. Like for a whole bunch of people my age there was a real sense of disbelief. Prince died. Now I'm not going to pretend that I was fanatical about his music, but I certainly knew all the hits and I immediately thought about seeing Purple Rain back when I was in college. It was a great movie. But he put out 38 records and I don't know more than 20 songs by name. So, I wasn't a super fan by any stretch of the imagination, but it shook me quite a bit. Perhaps because he was a star of my late childhood. More likely it's because a sudden death of a young man is scary for all of us. Did he really die of the flu? Are our lives really that fragile? Perhaps his death won't be all that mysterious when it all shakes out. And yea, our lives are that fragile. That is a little of what truly brought me down. There is so much wasted energy in all of our lives. We worry about so many little things that aren't ...

Sitting in terminal K. The place is a city in and of itself. Want a burrito? Chinese Food? Mickey D's? There's a bookstore and a cold stone creamery. People from every continent are represented...walking along...no signs of prejudice or hate. And we all know how great an airport terminal is to just people watch. I listened to a Dad and his son talk about the Cubbies. This is the year. The kid has no idea what it has felt like not to win...or the curse of the bully goat. A woman walking two steps in front of me abruptly changed her mind about the direction she was going and turned straight into me. She apologized. I grunted. Looking for a core to plug in my phone so it could recharge for the rest of the trip. Wondering how I'd recharge. I took some shots in the hip that clouded my mind and made sleep impossible. The hip feels better but I could be a member of the cast of the walking dead. They are making the gate announcements. Soon they'll ...

I'm sure I can go a whole bunch of different ways with this one. --- I can talk about the guy who lied at the sperm bank and committed fraud of epic proportions. --- I can certainly mention the woman who had a gun in her hand with a toddler in the room and when the toddler startled her, she shot the kid in the hand. (Where are the good toddlers with their guns?) --- I could even dabble in the visit of one of the presidential candidates who mentioned the brave people of 7/11. Or who told us that we will win, win and win until we are sick of winning and got loud cheers. But for the purposes of this exercise I will mention the fans of Philadelphia. (Drop the blog Gag, and stop reading right here). The Flyers organization gave out a token for their long-time owner Ed Snider. It was done to honor a truly good guy in sports. You know what the great fans of Philadelphia did with their treasured gifts? They littered the ice with them when a call went against them in a s...

I used to be in love with Jamie Sommers. She was the Bionic Woman , of course, and she had that little dalliance with the Six Million Dollar Man ...but make no mistake... ...she was Clifford's first love. What was weird about the show was that it was on right when I was figuring out that women are really sweet to look at. Plus Jamie was so strong...she had a really amazing right arm...she could hear shit from miles away and she could run up to 60 mph... ...can you imagine how handy she would have been around Camp Clifford? The show was great. I know that my siblings all loved it. I believe that Carrie and Jeff had marathon days of watching both of the shows. Oscar Goldman was the man, too! He was always there for Steve Austin and Jamie Sommers. Oscar got shit done!! The reason why this all came to the forefront was because someone posted the photo on Facebook. My heart stirred. I wondered if the show "stands up". Columbo still stands up. ...

The old great Orange one has arrived! Donald is in Buffalo and there have been 23,000 tickets distributed so far. I don't have one. What the hell goes on at a political rally anyways? It's not like he's breaking out Born in the U.S.A. of Rocking in the Free World. Those rock stars won't let him play their music. Will there be warm-up speeches? Is that when the bouncers beat up the black people? When does the Donald go on stage? There are so many questions, but I have a few of the answers. Donald will tell us about America and how we have been losing and soon we will be winning so much that the smiles won't come off our faces. It's a little like Chevy Chase telling his family: "We're gonna' have so much fun you'll be whistling zippy-do-dah out of your assholes." Great changes are coming, America! We're gonna' have jobs! Plenty of low-paying jobs because we don't care for that minimum wage thingy! ...

Boston Red Sox player Ryan LaMarre came through big for the Thunder Road Jeff Fazzolari Memorial Softball Tournament that is coming up in August. Check this out: How did I get four signed items by a Red Sox player? Well... ...that's pretty interesting. I made a friend on Twitter - Tom Ratchford. Tom is a great guy...he loves baseball and especially the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized Sports. Yet Tom is also a great fan of the up and coming Sox player Ryan LaMarre. One day we were trading tweets about Ryan's spring training game against the Yankees. Tom was in the crowd...and he was not wearing his Yankees gear. He was rooting for the Yankees, quietly, as he sat and also rooted for Ryan to have a great game. Ryan hit a homer! I jumped in and made mention that I was happy for Ryan but that he better not hit homers against the Yankees when it really mattered. Then I thought about the benefit. I asked Tom if Ryan mi...

There was a day about 5 years ago when I left my phone at home. I drove about an hour to an appointment before I knew that it was missing... ...and by the time I discovered my mistake... ...I couldn't go back. I was on the road without my phone! Dear Lord!! I thought about that on Friday afternoon as my phone rang. (It doesn't actually ring...instead it plays Street Fighting Man by the Stones). But I answered it. While I was talking to someone about a work-related problem I heard a buzz in the background. Incoming text. Then the damn thing buzzed again. I took the phone away from my ear long enough to read a notification from ESPN about Adrian Beltre agreeing to a contract extension with the Texas Rangers. Back to the call! Another beep. My beautiful wife trying to touch base. The damn guy was trying to talk my ear off. I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. Why would the Rangers extend Beltre? He's nearly 40! Another buzz....

Back when I lived out in California I had a casual interest in the Golden State Warriors. I rooted for them but they were awful...it was a little like being home in Buffalo, hoping the home team could win. I even had a couple of Warriors shirts and hats. Of course, they won the title last year and this year they were even better... ... winning an incredible 73 of 82 games. That's amazing. I watch some basketball because of the kids...who love it. I watch mostly to root against LeBron, or Floppy the Crybaby as he's called here at Camp Clifford. Stephen Curry is a tremendous shooter. Reminds me of me as a younger man. Now the pressure is really on the Warriors. They have to bring home the hardware as the kids say and that isn't a done deal. The Spurs and even Floppy's team have a chance. "Who are your top five greatest basketball players ever," Jake asked as soon as I walked in the door from work. "Wilt, Bird, Jordan, Jabbar and Er...

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert had a big secret. Hastert was a coach and a teacher in the town of Yorkville, Illinois. Evidently, and admittedly Hastert molested some young boys while he was there, before leaving for the State Legislature in the early 1980's. For years and years Hastert was in the national light as a well-respected politician who was second in line to the office of President of the United States. The entire community was extremely proud of Hastert's career. Well... ... almost the entire community. There were boys left in the wake who knew the secret. Boys who suffered at the control of a sick mind. "Mr. Hastert acknowledges that as a young man he committed transgressions for which he is profoundly sorry." That is what his vile lawyer said. First off, Hastert wasn't all that young. The use of young man makes it sound like he was experimenting a little bit as he became an adult. HE MOLESTED CHILDREN! One of whom di...

Remember when Pete Rose bowled over Ray Fosse in the All-Star Game? Rose was coming around third. Fosse was blocking the plate. Rose hammered him and was safe at the plate. Fosse suffered a busted shoulder and never regained his All-Star form. Rose always called it a 'good baseball play'. It won't ever happen again. The blocking the plate rules have changed. Cut to last year's playoffs. Chase Utley threw a slide at second base. He broke the leg of the Mets Shortstop Reuben Tejada. It was a garbage slide. Utley thought it was a 'good baseball play.' The rule has changed for the 2016 season. Everyone is in agreement that the rule is stupid. I'm not a huge fan of replay. It sounded like a good idea knowing that an ump couldn't cost a kid a perfect game with an absolutely horrendous call at first... ...or that a homer could be ruled fair when an ump blew it. But it's gone too far. Now a runner holds the tag on the gu...

Parenting is a crazy endeavor. As a kid, you don't even begin to recognize what you're putting your Mom and Dad through, of course, but as a parent, you have just enough knowledge to know exactly when your kids are messing something up. Yet the real tricky part is that your kids are little mini-mes of you and the beautiful wife. Thankfully we are blessed with the ability to easily distinguish which characteristics that our kids display being to which one of us. For instance. There is one clean bedroom in the house. It's mine. It's easy to point out that each of the children followed the example of one of their parents. Not mine. And then there is the ability of one of our children to just go with the flow. That's Sam. He is not following my example in the above example. Sam has a lovely personality that is not prone to displays of extreme emotion. If something makes him mad it's hard for us to know, because he moves on. Yet Sam is now b...

I have a good friend. He's another safety dude. Bob Overhoff, the safety manager at LP Ciminelli. Well, this week Bob received a safety award. The Edward J. Waring Award for safety excellence through the years. He really, really, really deserved the award and I'm proud of the goofy bastard. You see, Bob and I have worked in concert for years and years. Back about 20 years ago we worked together. (Sorry, Bob, I have to tell the story). We were in a busy office when a salesman came by looking for Bob. "Is Bob Overhoff here?" the man had the extreme misfortune of asking me. "He's over there," I said. "The guy who looks like he's wearing a moose suit." Through the years, we have laughed a lot. Also, there aren't too many days that go by when we don't send a message that is all about safety of the guys we work with. Bob watches my guys. I watch his. Together we have made a difference out there. But this...

Watch Creed last night. A fine edition to the Rocky series. The acting was good. The fight scenes were great. Like every movie in the Rocky Series... ...I enjoyed it. But my mind wandered a little as the movie unfolded. I saw the first Rocky when I was back in junior high school. There had never really been such a movie although Raging Bull was a great boxing movie. But Rocky had something. By the time Rocky II and Rocky III rolled around, Stallone was in the prime of his life. I distinctly recall seeing Rocky III with a girl and my ever-present buddy Jeff Renaldo and his date. My date asked me, as we were leaving the theatre about my physical aspirations. "Why can't you get some muscles?" She asked. "I don't want muscles," I answered. We both laughed. The years flew by. But when you go back to a Rocky movie... ...time sort of stands still. In Creed the Stallone character talks about getting older. "Time is...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: What if people suddenly didn't think that pasta-eating, Yankees-loving, family men didn't deserve their rights? I'd be in trouble. I have chosen to live my life as a Yankees fan, as a pasta lover, and as a straight man with a wife and kids. Do I do it because God told me that I can't be gay? Or because I believe that God thought that Red Sox fans belong in hell? Or because of one of the commandments that said 'Thou must eat linguine and clam sauce.' No. I lived my life as it naturally unfolded. There are things I believe in that you don't. There are things you believe in that I don't. Laws should not be written that strip either of us of our rights. Anti-discrimination. There should not be laws on the books that strip the rights of Americans. Right, gun owners? But what is funny about it...is that some of those same people screaming about rights in that situation are quite ...

Did you see the kids of the professional golfers playing around on the greens? Some of those kids were rolling in putts that Pops couldn't bottom out in 4. And then their fathers were working on the par 3 course... ...there were something like 9 hole-in-ones. Can't I have a hole-in-one this year, God? I'm hoping to play fairly regularly, but work and my stupid, useless legs will have a say in the manner. I golfed in air casts a few times last year! I didn't get close to a hole in one. And these jerks are rolling them in at will. Ah well...we all have our talents. But I don't get to watch a lot of the Tournament on television. I usually just follow along on the phone because every single time I try to watch golf on television one of the geniuses around here will say something clever like: "How bored do you have to be to watch golf?" Golf is a great sport to play and I try like hell to tell my kids how much fun they'd have if th...

We watched the last episode of the O.J. Simpson series on FX. First the Hollywood part. The acting was great. Travolta did a good job with Shapiro. Theo Huxtable was a good A.C. Cowlings. The actors who played Lance Ito, Chris Darden and Johnnie Cochran were almost dead ringers for the real life people. Ross Gellar as Robert Kardashian was spot on as well. Sarah Paulson was really, really great as Marcia Clark. But Cuba Gooding Jr. as O.J. was disconcerting as the two men don't look even a little alike. Yet... ...none of that crap is important. I'm glad they did it though because time took away some of the revulsion of the case. I distinctly recall where I was when the verdict came down. I was at work, of course, but I was standing next to a man, Ron Eberle, who would be dead within a year or so. He was a good guy, but like me, he wasn't at all surprised when the words 'Not Guilty' were announced. "Sickening," he said. On that d...

Life is pretty stingy with the perfect moments. In fact we usually trudge along, moving the rock from one place to the next, not even appreciating the great times. On Monday night a great sports moment became a great father-son moment. Cut way back to 1977. Reggie had just hit his 3rd home run into the New York night. The Yankees were going to win the World Series for the first time in years. My 13th birthday. I was sitting with my Dad that night. I can still feel how happy he was. We shared a couple of huge salami sandwiches. And I remember that moment through time as if it happened ten minutes ago. During the course of this college basketball season I watched the Villanova Wildcats play at least 25 basketball games. My son, Sam, is their biggest fan and it has been that way for at least ten years. He has Villanova shirts. He dreams of playing for them. (Won't happen, but he's sure it might). And the time of their game was like a weekly call-o...

Anyone fatigued with the coverage of the presidential election? Let's recap. Mexicans are rapists. E-mail accounts can be deleted. Clinton couldn't keep her man happy...how can she manage the country? Bernie is a communist. Cruz somehow slept with five women. All Muslims have to go. Mexico won't pay for the f%^&Ing wall. McCain isn't a war hero. Abortion? What abortion? I'm all for it...or against it...or something. Jeb's mother denounced him. Christie looks lost. Now. Think about the fact that we have seven months left! What can we look forward to? Will it be Trump versus Clinton? Will the GOP have a battle in the summer because everyone hates Trump except for the millions who are voting for him? Will Clinton get the nomination even though all the states are feeling the Bern? Will Bernie even be around by November? So many questions. Americans are arguing themselves silly. The rest of the world appears to be lau...

Did you see the story about the Los Angeles Laker players who decided to make a video. D'Angelo Russell decided to interview Nick Young. He asked him about being unfaithful... ...well the subject got there anyway... ...and Young spilled the beans (stealing an expression from the Great Orange One). There was a problem with it. Young had a girlfriend. 'Had' being the important word. Because somehow, the playful interview found it's way onto the Internet and as happens...it was grabbed and shared and sent and analyzed. Nick Young's girlfriend was able to watch it play from start to finish. Young and Russell had been good friends. (There's that 'Had' word again). Anywhoha... It's all kind of funny to those of us who are just sitting back wondering about how two people could be so stupid. Young for telling on himself and Russell for letting it get out. The two men then had to step on a basketball court and play as teammat...

I go for work on my back, hips, feet on a weekly basis. For the last three weeks or so I've had to make a joke because when I take off my shoes there's a huge hole in one or more of my socks. Good news! I bought 8 new pair!! (I'm really quite an idiot). The week has been fun. Johnny and Sam are taunting, laughing , teasing, laughing , EATING, yelling, laughing , and playing. Man... ...it's so much what I had every day with my brother, Jeff... ...and while it's sad... ...I've been able to share some of the moments with Johnny now. I told him a couple of stories where Jeff got me good. The April's Fools joke where he got me to call the zoo and ask for Mr. Fox. A couple of the Florida stories. It's tough. Life is tough. But the laughter rings out anyway, right? Sam and Johnny and Jake and Johnny are simply 'Fuzzy' laughing all week. And that's awesome. Villanova is going to be playing for the National Champi...

Bruce has a song on the terrific Nebraska record that has a chorus: "Nothing feels better than blood on blood." Another lyric states: "Man turns his back on his family; well he just ain't no good." I thought about that a lot this week as we hosted a visitor. My nephew Johnny made the trip to our home so that he could spend time with his cousin, and best buddy, Sam. He also hung around with Matt, Jake and Jake's ever-present buddy Quinn. In fact, it all started a little shaky as I got up for work on Wednesday morning. I lead the entourage of dogs into the living room where Johnny, Sam and Quinn sat watching an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia . "Morning sunshine," Johnny said. It was 5:30 in the morning! "Why are you idiots up?" I asked. "We just woke up," Sam offered. But, of course, I knew better. They were coming off a night of video games, television shows and laughter. I returned ho...

It's amazing what people are doing to become somewhat famous. Viral videos are all the rage and the dumber you can be, the more hits you get. Take the story of David Pressley, a guy from Georgia. Pressley did a public service announcement after he made his video to let the world know that safety around explosives is necessary. Self-knowledge is a funny thing because it usually comes immediately after you've severely f*&$ed something up. Pressley filled his riding lawnmower with three pounds of explosives. Then he grabbed his high-powered rifle and positioned himself a little ways away because he wasn't sure how it was all going to go. Then he got a little closer because nothing seemed to be happening. His next shot blew up the lawnmower. I listened to the audio of the incident because he was filming it so that he could be a star. I heard the rifle shot. Then the explosion. Then Pressley say... ...very clearly: "I blew my leg off." ...