Let's Grow!

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Seventeen days until Christmas...the day we celebrate in honor of the Lord and Savior and I get the following e-mail in my junk mail:

"Let's grow your small d#$% with a true penis enlargement!!!!"

Really!

First off, how can you possibly know?

Secondly, am I supposed to respond to such an email?

How would I do that?

The email was sent from a woman named Tilly. Did I ever meet a Tilly? Jennifer Tilly comes to mind, but I don't believe I ever met the actress. I am quite certain she has no idea of whether or not I am in need of her product.

Still, I am curious? How does it work?

Is it a stretch and pull kind of thing?

Do you grow it like you grow any other part of your body? Carb up, perhaps? Isn't it a tad personal?

I decided to draft a letter:

Dear Tilly,

Thank you for the concern you recently showed in regard to the length and girth of my sad little body part. I, of course, defer to any number of excuses in this regard.

1). My mother did not take care of herself when I was in the womb.
2). What is average after all? I have a saying, 'it's small, but it's cute.'
3). It's not the size of the pencil.
4). His name is Eugene...I call him huge for short. (Thanks Rosie, that's your joke).

But Miss Tilly, I wonder how you propose on doing this to help me in time for the Christmas rush. Will it take much time? Do you actually have to see it? Why the hell are you concerned?

Thanks.

Not certain I will mail the letter, but the curiosity seems to get the better of me at times. How does the office respond when someone actually responds to such an e-mail? Are there jokes told? Does a team of people get together to solve the little problem?

What a world we live in.

I deleted the email, of course.

It's Christmas time, people!

And that honestly wasn't on my list.

Comments

deafjeff said…
Well, there goes your Christmas present.
08 December, 2010
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