Salt

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Believe it or not I don't have a particular problem with Angelina Jolie. Sure, she had a blood vial around her neck when she was with Billy Bob Thornton, and she made out with her brother once on the red carpet, but she seems to be a decent soul.

I know that I may have never seen one of her movies all the way through, started that Wanted one, but quit about seven minutes in, and I also know that she has about thirty kids with that mediocre looking actor, Brad Pitt - 'He's no Cliff Fazzolari' - as my wife says.

I also know Angelina is beautiful, but 'She's no Kathy Fazzolari' - if you can see the game the wife and I play to feed each other's egos.

But, I sort of have a particular problem with this Salt movie. Doesn't she play a character who fights her way through all sorts of bad guys to save the freaking world?

How big is this woman? Isn't she like five-four?

Now I know that movies are about suspending belief for a little while and going with the story, but I just don't get Sylvester Stallone wiping out an army of men, let alone, the beautiful Jolie.

Don't you think that In Real Life (An excellent book of mine, by the way) that there would be one guy that could kick the crap out of Jolie? I caught the previews and she's karate-chopping, head-bashing, and kick-boxing her way through the script.

Of course, someone might accuse me of being sexist here. If a man can do it, why can't a woman?

Well, because they generally are smaller, less prone to fighting, and more apt to get what they want by using cunning, manipulation, and aggravation.

All right, that was a tad sexist, wasn't it?

The truth of the matter is, Angelina Jolie is a beautiful actress, married to a man (who according to my wife) is no Cliff Fazzolari, she has a billion dollars, and she can do anything she wants anytime she wants to, and I'm wrong for criticizing the movie that I'll never see.

Besides, truth be told, female or not, she could probably pound me into Salt.

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