I Want to Ride My Bicycle...

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...I want to ride my bike.

The above is proof that Freddie Mercury could have sung anything and we would have listened to it.

I've been thinking about riding my bike lately because one of my true nemesis Lance Armstrong kept falling off of his during the Tour De France, and I couldn't have been happier.

Quick recap. He gets cancer. He beats cancer and immediately leaves his wife. Sheryl Crow gets cancer. He leaves her. He's accused of doping. Denies it. He dates the freaking Olsen Twins. Sells a few million bracelets. Denies doping again. Acts like a douche. FBI closing in. Falls off his bike seven times. Finishes twenty-third. Denies doping again.

When I was about 15 I had a bike. It belonged to my older sister, Corinne. I didn't care if it looked like a girl's bike, it got me to where I needed to be, and I was secure in my masculinity.

The real problem with it is that it had no brakes. None at all. And we lived on the top of a big hill. So, if I wanted to go somewhere near town, I had to ride it out down that hill, and slowly stop like Fred Flintstone used to; with my feet.

One day I left the house without shoes on. I figured I could coast down the hill and make the fast turn into the Lauber's driveway. Missed the turn. Ended up in their ditch. Their mother couldn't stop laughing. I could feel Lance's pain.

Another time I left the house late as my brother John and I were pedaling three miles to a farm where we picked freaking tomatoes all day in the hot sun. John got to the bottom of the hill well before me. He stopped sudden to turn and find me. Without brakes, I smashed right into him. We laid in the middle of the road at six AM. His words to me, as he wiped blood from his nose were:

"You do realize that I'm going to beat the piss out of you when I get up."

Lance and I are a lot alike.

I haven't rode a bike in quite some time. I think I could still do it though.

It's like riding a bike.

So, I had to say something about my buddy Lance.

Can't wait until they throw you in jail.

All-American dope.

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