The King Is Banned!
All right, so I lied. I watched The King proclaim who his next team would be. I had to. The 27-Time Defending World Champions are playing on the West Coast, so there was absolutely nothing on television.
And man, was I put off by the whole deal.
First off, they called it The Decision. As if creation itself depended on it.
Secondly, they called those three ball-bouncing millionaires The Chosen Ones: a bit much.
Thirdly, they sat The King in a chair and said he's about to make a decision that will affect the world. Turned my stomach.
Fourthly, while I knew the ads for the program were going to charity - The Boys and Girls Clubs of America - I honestly believed that The King would have a message for young people. In my heart I believed that he might start with a decree that children should stay in school, or stay out of gangs, or stay off of drugs, or stop freaking shooting each other every friggen day.
But no. It was all about Lebron. And at the end of the day, his momma told him that Lebron James has to do what makes Lebron James happy.
So, there's the message. Perfect.
Now I'm not saying that Lebron had to be the second coming of MLK, but a few nice words about someone other than himself may have worked.
(I turned it off waaaaaaay before the end so if he did this after I went running screaming from the room, I don't care. He should have started with such a message. He could have done it too, he's The King).
I guess he learned from Cheetah and that other serial narcissist Michael Jordan.
Cliff Fazzolari doesn't like Michael Jordan either.
And for God's sake, make up your mind. The interview started with The King telling us how hard he worked for the opportunity to do what makes "Lebron James happy."
In fact, he told us how he enjoyed the process three separate times. Then he explained that he never wanted to go through it again because it's the hardest thing Lebron James ever had to do.
"Will you still live in Ohio?" Jim Gray asked.
"I don't know. Lebron James gave all he had to Cleveland, but Lebron James' Mommy gave Lebron James some advice and Lebron James...
"Has to make Lebron James happy," Gray finished.
"Yes, but I'll always live in Akron. I love Akron."
At that point Gray wanted to reach across and throttle The King.
"That's what I freaking 'axed,'" you had to be running through his mind.
And another pet peeve of mine. It is pronounced "Ass-ked."
Where's the X?
You can say Ass, can't you?
Add an -ked and you're all set.
That's it. Done with Lebron, or The King, or The Chosen One, or Lebron Christ - whatever the hell he wants to call himself.
But at least I have a new favorite NBA Team.
Whoever is playing against The Chosen One's.
And man, was I put off by the whole deal.
First off, they called it The Decision. As if creation itself depended on it.
Secondly, they called those three ball-bouncing millionaires The Chosen Ones: a bit much.
Thirdly, they sat The King in a chair and said he's about to make a decision that will affect the world. Turned my stomach.
Fourthly, while I knew the ads for the program were going to charity - The Boys and Girls Clubs of America - I honestly believed that The King would have a message for young people. In my heart I believed that he might start with a decree that children should stay in school, or stay out of gangs, or stay off of drugs, or stop freaking shooting each other every friggen day.
But no. It was all about Lebron. And at the end of the day, his momma told him that Lebron James has to do what makes Lebron James happy.
So, there's the message. Perfect.
Now I'm not saying that Lebron had to be the second coming of MLK, but a few nice words about someone other than himself may have worked.
(I turned it off waaaaaaay before the end so if he did this after I went running screaming from the room, I don't care. He should have started with such a message. He could have done it too, he's The King).
I guess he learned from Cheetah and that other serial narcissist Michael Jordan.
Cliff Fazzolari doesn't like Michael Jordan either.
And for God's sake, make up your mind. The interview started with The King telling us how hard he worked for the opportunity to do what makes "Lebron James happy."
In fact, he told us how he enjoyed the process three separate times. Then he explained that he never wanted to go through it again because it's the hardest thing Lebron James ever had to do.
"Will you still live in Ohio?" Jim Gray asked.
"I don't know. Lebron James gave all he had to Cleveland, but Lebron James' Mommy gave Lebron James some advice and Lebron James...
"Has to make Lebron James happy," Gray finished.
"Yes, but I'll always live in Akron. I love Akron."
At that point Gray wanted to reach across and throttle The King.
"That's what I freaking 'axed,'" you had to be running through his mind.
And another pet peeve of mine. It is pronounced "Ass-ked."
Where's the X?
You can say Ass, can't you?
Add an -ked and you're all set.
That's it. Done with Lebron, or The King, or The Chosen One, or Lebron Christ - whatever the hell he wants to call himself.
But at least I have a new favorite NBA Team.
Whoever is playing against The Chosen One's.
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