If Bubbles Could Talk

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There isn't anything that can make you feel older than going to a place where young kids are gathered and listening to their music. Believe it or not, at the wedding this weekend, there wasn't a single Springsteen song played. My wedding was virtually all Bruce, of course, but he doesn't play well I suppose, to twenty-something dancers.

What does play well to the dance crowd is the "music" with the techno beat. I didn't know even half the songs. Danced once to the slow Clapton tune - with my beautiful wife - but other than that - stood and watched and wondered.

But there was also plenty of Michael Jackson. My nieces loved the man and don't take very kindly to my reminders of the accusations against him. When Billie Jean came on, I mentioned something about pedophilia, and got looks that could have frozen water.

Lo and behold, he was in the news this morning because his sister, LaToya, who will never be confused with Plato, explained that the gloved one was trying to teach Bubbles to talk. Dear Michael even went as far to take Bubbles to the doctor to see if there was an operation to bring the words forth.

And what might Bubbles first words have been? I've decided to take a few guesses-perhaps you can add some of your own. Words straight from the chimp's mouth:

Why do you keep grabbing your crotch?

What's with the freaking glove?

I saw what you did to that little boy.

Get your hand off of that!

What the hell is with the zombie's?

Billie Jean couldn't have been your lover; someone got her pregnant; you couldn't do that.

Who would win in a fight? You or Janet?

Your old man stopped by, said he's going to kick the shit out of you.

You wanna' put what? where?

Hey look! Your hair is on fire!

I just don't know - maybe it is lucky that Bubbbles wasn't granted the gift of speech. The story went on to say that when LaToya went to visit it didn't appear that Bubbles knew who she was.

He knew.

The monkey in the cage next door heard him mutter these words when LaToya entered:

Don't look over, here comes another nut from that whack job family.

Comments

Unknown said…
Funny...I agree. Alas, I do enjoy the old stuff he did...when he was still African-American & had a nose constructed of real cartilage (Off the Wall).
18 July, 2010
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