Friday, December 11, 2009
You Love This? Really?
I tried snow-skiing twice - the first time I had to catch a ride down the hill on the back of my buddy Jeff's skies - I was a little bit hammered that time, so I tried it once more.
I took a freaking date - rented ski's for both of us - paid for the freaking lift tickets, bought drinks in the bar, and proceeded to fall more times than a two-legged dog in the Idiatrod race. I hated every second of the night and nearly impaled said date as she tried to teach me how to ski. That one didn't work out. It cost me about $500 and I said I'd never do it again.
So, I took up snowmobiling - I followed my brothers on the trail - they were going ninety. I was going thirty, afraid that I'd end up in the bottom of a pond. They stopped and waited for me and we shared some frozen beer that we were carrying in a mason jar.
"Isn't this great?" my brother John asked.
On the way home I drove the snowmobile - his snowmobile - off a couple of mailboxes, and I was never asked to go again. I would have said no - anyway.
This morning I was up and out by 6 AM - I let the car warm up, but I had to clear the snow off the windshield using the right arm of my coat. My hand got in the way and I was freezing as I struggled behind the wheel.
I drove like a grandmother for about ten miles and hated every second of it. I've been freezing for the last ten hours.
And on Facebook I'm reading notes from all these people saying, "I love the snow. I love the winter!
Idiots, I say. Idiots.
This sucks - where are the 27-Time World Champion Yankees? I want my golf clubs.
Check out the above photo and tell me that stepping outside in that type of weather isn't more appealing.
Don't ask me to ski, either.
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