CJF Hammer

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Just goofing around with the kids this morning and we got to talking about the types of raps we would do if we were indeed inclined to become hip-hop artists.

It started with my poor wife who has to face all of the ridicule and we centered in on the condition of her room as she tries to clean it up from the Christmas-shopping rush.

My name is Kathy and I'm here to say, my room's a mess....

We all paused as the boys searched hard for the next line.

And my three sons are gay. I offered.

I was roundly booed. (Not that there's anything wrong with it).

So now the boys were on my case.

My name is Clifford and I'm here to say, I like listening to Bruce most every day. I eat so much pasta its coming out my nose, and I hardly ever change my clothes.

Of course, my kids are not exactly Dr. Dre when it comes to rapping but we had a nice little laugh over their lyrics.

Yet the real shame of it is that normal rapping is never quite so tender and funny, is it? The other night my wife had Dancing with the Stars on and Snoop Doggy Dog was on.

Every once in awhile I like to force myself to be open minded. Now I know what you're thinking there - never has there been a mind so closed.

But I tried.

Snoop's lyrics went something like this:

My name is, my name is, my name is (the background singers were saying Snoop)

He then talked into the microphone, never really moving a muscle. I couldn't make out a single word.

Then there was a chant about having a good day that was repeated over and over until I finally made it to the remote. I tried. I honestly did.

My name is Clifford and everything's okay, I'm trying real hard to be hip today. My head is spinning and my heart is a mess, and how this will finish is anyone's guess. I don't have a glock, or a bb-gun, but this rapping and rhyming sure is fun.

My name is (Clifford) my name is (Clifford) my name is (Clifford)There you have it...

Clifford, the husky white rapper.

Think I got street cred?

Comments

Larry L said…
I laughed my ass off!
05 December, 2009
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