What Life Does

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Imagine for a minute how excited you might be if someone finally discovered your beauty and decided to put you in a movie, and another movie after that, and paid you millions, and voted you one of the top 100 sexy people on the planet.

You'd be thrilled, right? You'd get to go to all the cool parties, paying the electric bill would be easy, you'd live in a great house with a big pool, eat the greatest food, go to the best bars. Ah,life would be sweet, right?

Cut to the end, where you're lying on your bathroom floor at age 32, throwing up, a table full of meds spelling out your last few hours as TMZ scrambles to retrace your last steps. All that life, all that beauty gone.

We're all just running through the forest with the wolf nipping at our heels, huh?

Thinking about Brittany Murphy and her death it's easy to wonder how such a downward spiral can happen. How do you end up gone at 32 from natural causes?

Now it may have been a fluke thing, right? Lord knows that any day can bring horror, but all reports are showing that things have been hastened a bit by strange behavior.

And how the hell do you get there? What makes you go so far down into the abyss that you can't pull yourself back up?

Life

That's what does it. Life and expectations and the next big thing, and the fear of failure, and the why 'does this work this way when I want it to work that way' bullshit that gnaws at our ankle bones.

While reading about Brittany Murphy's death I find myself in the strangest of all places. It's three days before Christmas, I have the first draft of the book I never wanted to write done, and I can't consider what it might be next that could possibly be fun.

All the things I figured out I'm trying to learn again.

As 2010 stretches out before me I'm really wondering - writing another book after this one is something that makes me want to empty the contents of my stomach. I don't feel like celebrating. I don't want to be sorrowful anymore, I sure as hell don't feel like exercising, but I'm not taking any pain medications either.

I don't know - I'm going to keep kicking at the wolf as he closes in.

The shame of it all is that Brittany Murphy couldn't, and that's what life does to some people.

Comments

deafjeff said…
Well I for one am hoping for many golf outings next year, the greatest year of my life, because really the whole yin/yang thing has to even this one out right.
22 December, 2009
Cliff Fazzolari said…
You would hope so...you end up like a dog that's been beat too much, spend half your life just covering up, golf sounds about right.
22 December, 2009
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