Monday, November 9, 2009

Need Advice?

During lunch, with no more baseball to read about, I was reading Ann Landers or Dear Abby or whatever the hell it was and I scanned a letter from a man who was so torn up with a potential problem.

Seems that his wife was getting on him a bit because in the morning he shares the bathroom with their teenage daughter - he shaves while she's in the shower and they talk the entire time. He wanted to know if it was inappropriate that it went down like this because his wife was giving him grief.

Listen... I don't know everything, and I don't have any teenage daughters, but do you really have to sit down and write a letter to a newspaper to get a handle on whether or not you should be in the bathroom with your naked daughter?

Most of those letters are usually of that variety, but Ann Landers and Dr. Abby seem to be very important in handling the crisis' of the day. I love the ones that try to talk you into their side of the story.

For instance:

"I'm a battered wife who works three jobs to support my deadbeat husband who drinks himself to oblivion every day. Yet after the daily beat-down he is usually so sweet and a couple of weeks ago he brought me flowers that he hand-picked from behind the trailer after he went there to take a piss. Should I leave him or just tough it out?"

And then they sign it with some neat moniker - the above lady used something like -Still Hopelessly in Love in LA.

Even better are the ones that say something like:

"My husband always puts the toothpaste on the wrong side of the medicine cabinet after he's done using it. How can I make him put it where I want him to put it?"

First off - if that's your biggest problem, you're doing all right.

Secondly - if you were my wife you'd be about halfway through that letter before I had you hauled away and sent to the loony bin. You have to ask Ann Landers that?

...just my gripe for the day...it's like that old cartoon strip Blondie...I used to be halfway through it when I'd ask myself...why the hell am I reading this?

Perhaps I need to write Ann Landers a letter. Here goes:

"Every day my eyes are drawn to the senseless questions your dimwitted readers write to you and your lame brain answers. How do I stop reading your useless drivel?" Signed - Mentally Deficient in Buffalo.

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