Rocky Balboa

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Half asleep this morning I caught a commercial on ESPN for a piece of gym equipment that promised a perfect body as I did the perfect push-up. The guy in the ad had a perfect build, I suppose, and I wasn't envious - I felt sorry for the poor bastard. "No Pain - No Pain" I said to the screen.

Yet it got me thinking. I never had big muscles or washboard abs. I went from skinny to pear-shaped in what seemed like twenty minutes. I can remember being painfully skinny, wishing that I would suddenly sprout Popeye muscles or a Rocky Balboa build.

My buddy Jeff and I took dates to the first Rocky movie - I can remember walking out of the theatre with the girl edging close to me - "I wish you looked like Rocky," she said. "I wish you looked like Farrah Fawcett," I replied. "Looks like it sucks for both of us."

Matt, at the age of 15, is skinny and tall. I'm sure that there are a--holes in his high school who already have big muscles. He probably wishes he'd fill out quick to attract the attention of the girls.

My advice to him is not to be in such a hurry.

At 16 I'd lie in bed and pray to God that I'd gain a little weight.

It was the one prayer He answered in my early life - He didn't have to do it with such vengance.

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