Charlie Waffles

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I am in the car for 10 hours a day.

I have satellite radio and it’s pretty much commercial-free when you listen to a music channel, but man, there are a ton of commercials on the talk stations.

Every commercial has a catchy, annoying jingle.

The Kars-for-kids song gets immediately muted.

So does the commercial where the young girl asks her grandpa if he read a children’s book.

“I want to but I just can’t see the print.”

Yet, it all came to a head the other morning when I stepped out of the shower singing:

“I have a structured settlement but I need cash now.”

That sung line is repeated about a dozen times in the 20-second commercial and since I hear it ten times a day...

...well, let’s just say, it may end up in my suicide note.

And there are a million others.

The lawyer jingles are all obnoxious, and since I travel a bit I know that our Buffalo lawyers haven’t cornered the market on the garbage.

It’s a huge business!

And I think of old Charlie Harper from Two and a Half Men. That character was rich from jingle writing.

Until he got canned and began singing for children as Charlie Waffles.

And it’s sort of the same thing, right?

When the boys were young I got the Barney and Tele-tubbies stuck in my head.

Over and over again.

“I have a structured settlement.”

My God.

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