Gymnastics Suck

-
Was wandering by the television the other night and noticed the Olympics.

There was a small girl doing a flip and landing on what is known as a horse.

She stuck the landing.

And I got shivers up and down my spine.

 Because I thought about gym class.

 You remember those classes, right boys?

The gymnasium was wide open, meaning that for the next two weeks there would be no hockey, basketball or baseball.

We would all be flashing our skills on the rings, the horse, and the ropes that we had to try and climb to the roof of the gym.

Thinking back on it...it's all a little crazy to me!

 I now walk around job sites and warn grown men about fall hazards in excess of 6' and back then...

...Mr. Ring would chastise us for being a little frightened to make the 20' climb to the ceiling.

I hated every minute of all of it!

 First off, the girls were there.

I was deathly afraid of looking like a dork in front of the girls.

I can't spin, jump or balance.

Never could...won't ever be able to do it!

"Fazzolari, you're up!"

 Mr. Ring was all business. He knew we all hated every second of the gymnastics routine, but we all had to at least attempt every exercise.

Honestly, can any of you picture me trying to spin through the air and stick the landing on the horse, or balance myself on the freaking parallel bars?

And forget the rope!

 I was 6' tall.

 I got about 6'4" off the ground before I quit and cried about the rope burn.

 And the girls were all in the corner of the gym...

...they could get out of gym class every single time by claiming it wasn't good for them at that particular time...

...and they would gather, and point, and laugh...

At Clifford Lou Retton!

 One girl at the Olympics missed her spot and stumbled a bit on the horse.

The crowd groaned.

Then she flipped head over freaking heels, came off the end of the thing, raised her hand in triumph and the announcer moaned about how badly she did.

Can you imagine the groaning crowd if they televised my attempts?

I believe that somewhere there are grown women, thinking back, remembering, Cliff Fuzzy hitting the ground when he tried to grasp the rings and swing through the air.

I missed the mat by inches on that attempt.

Gymnastics suck.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more