Hey LeBron!

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I'm not a fan of LeBron James.

I once was.

He lost me with one sentence:

I'm taking my talents.

As soon as he said that I started really listening to him.

Everything out of his mouth is about one thing:

LeBron.

He's the biggest ego-maniac in the history of sports and while that isn't the worst of all things...

...I can't stand looking at him and his perpetually sour puss. He is also the biggest crybaby I've ever seen in sports. In his mind, he's never committed a foul and everyone is fouling him.

Whatever.

Here's my morning routine:

Let the dogs out, get a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, turn on ESPN, see LeBron on the screen telling me how wonderful he is, yell at the television, switch to the local news and mutter to myself that I can't stand looking at LeBron.

The other night he shot 14 for 37.

That's awful.

If I went 14 for 37 in the driveway with the boys they wouldn't let me play again.

After the game?

He told us how his 'will to win' is greater than everyone else's.

Puke.

And I'm not alone in my house.

Sam despises him.

Jake is not a fan.

Kathy hates the sight of him.

Matt?

He loves LeBron.

(That kid always was a dopey bastard).

But here's the final say in the matter.

LeBron was being interviewed.

He spoke of no one but himself and his legacy.

He rambled on and finished with what was essentially a LeBron love-fest that concluded with him telling us that he's the greatest player who ever lived.

Self-confidence is a nice thing, I suppose.

But greatness should be assigned to you by someone who isn't you.

And Hey LeBron...

...when you stare lovingly at yourself in a mirror remember one final thing:

You're playing with a ball.

Greatness is debatable when there is a freaking ball involved.

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