I Wonder What Phil Harmonic Is Up To
A long time ago, in a land far away, my buddies and I drank all through the evenings and into the morning hours, playing music loud, shooting pool, laughing, fighting, arguing, and laughing some more.
We were in college, of course, and trying hard to distinguish ourselves as fine adults.
We didn't make a lot of headway.
Yet in college, very often, there are characters who really don't have much of a chance and you kind of see it when they come through the door, hooting and hollering.
There was a short, little, funny guy who hung around us a lot in our senior year. To say he was a little off would be like saying George Dubya was a bad speechmaker. His name was Phil, so naturally we called him Phil Harmonic.
One morning Phil was stumbling through the streets of Erie after an all-night party...some "old" woman (she was in her 40's) began to lecture Phil about the dangers of booze as she swept out her driveway. Phil arrived at our door, that morning, with the broom that he had wrestled away from the woman to chase her screaming down the street.
Phil never touched the lady, but he had us all laughing as he explained that he had told the lady that he'd teach her a thing or two about God.
I bring this all up because last night I was sleeping next to the open window when Melky started to growl. My beautiful wife and I had spent the night watching old episodes of Cheers on Netflix, so I was feeling a little geriatric.
Anyway Melky was growling because there was a real young girl, obviously intoxicated, sitting outside talking to her friends who were inside. The house is mere feet from the window.
Being that "I'm old" I thought about yelling out..."People are sleeping here, it's 1:40 in the morning!"...but I thought about how lame the old guy across the way would be.
Besides, she was good-looking and she was telling all kinds of stories about her love life. Evidently she wants to have kids and Kevin is dragging his feet a little. "I'm twenty-two freaking years old!" she said. "I can't wait around forever."
I never said a word. I didn't preach to her about the dangers of alcohol (that would sound funny coming from me, wouldn't it?).
I didn't explain that 22 is awful young to be worrying about such heady things, or that having children as quick as you can might not be the best idea, or that Kevin may not be her best option, or that early to bed and early to rise is a real good motto.
Instead I thought of Phil...who is now in his early-to-mid 40's somewhere. He probably has a couple of kids of his own. Maybe he tips one now and again and thinks of the woman he chased down the streets of Erie as she unleashed the wrath of God on him.
I bet he laughs when he thinks about it.
Ah, youth is wasted on the young.
Now I get that.
We were in college, of course, and trying hard to distinguish ourselves as fine adults.
We didn't make a lot of headway.
Yet in college, very often, there are characters who really don't have much of a chance and you kind of see it when they come through the door, hooting and hollering.
There was a short, little, funny guy who hung around us a lot in our senior year. To say he was a little off would be like saying George Dubya was a bad speechmaker. His name was Phil, so naturally we called him Phil Harmonic.
One morning Phil was stumbling through the streets of Erie after an all-night party...some "old" woman (she was in her 40's) began to lecture Phil about the dangers of booze as she swept out her driveway. Phil arrived at our door, that morning, with the broom that he had wrestled away from the woman to chase her screaming down the street.
Phil never touched the lady, but he had us all laughing as he explained that he had told the lady that he'd teach her a thing or two about God.
I bring this all up because last night I was sleeping next to the open window when Melky started to growl. My beautiful wife and I had spent the night watching old episodes of Cheers on Netflix, so I was feeling a little geriatric.
Anyway Melky was growling because there was a real young girl, obviously intoxicated, sitting outside talking to her friends who were inside. The house is mere feet from the window.
Being that "I'm old" I thought about yelling out..."People are sleeping here, it's 1:40 in the morning!"...but I thought about how lame the old guy across the way would be.
Besides, she was good-looking and she was telling all kinds of stories about her love life. Evidently she wants to have kids and Kevin is dragging his feet a little. "I'm twenty-two freaking years old!" she said. "I can't wait around forever."
I never said a word. I didn't preach to her about the dangers of alcohol (that would sound funny coming from me, wouldn't it?).
I didn't explain that 22 is awful young to be worrying about such heady things, or that having children as quick as you can might not be the best idea, or that Kevin may not be her best option, or that early to bed and early to rise is a real good motto.
Instead I thought of Phil...who is now in his early-to-mid 40's somewhere. He probably has a couple of kids of his own. Maybe he tips one now and again and thinks of the woman he chased down the streets of Erie as she unleashed the wrath of God on him.
I bet he laughs when he thinks about it.
Ah, youth is wasted on the young.
Now I get that.
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