The Vision

It's the same crap every year. It usually begins around Thanksgiving break and continues on through to the New Year. It's a list of promises made to myself so that I can run leaner and more stress-free through the next year. I'm 44 - it hasn't worked so far, but I can feel the itch beginning.

It starts with me cleaning up the closet and file cabinet of old paperwork that seemed important, but is no longer necessary. It stretches into me brainstorming about what I can do to chase away all the demons that threaten my existence on a daily basis - and I'm not talking about evil demons, just the nonsensical ones that cloud up my vision on what life should be like.

Anyway, as I considered taking stock in all things important this year I read a great quote about a football player, Kerry Collins, who is an alcoholic, but is doing well fighting off his own personal demons - If you want to love yourself, tell yourself the truth.

Man is that a great line - if we all lived by that standard we might just all find our way. Not that I lie to myself all the time, but as Collins stated, he couldn't get a grip on where he wanted to go until he was first honest with himself about what kind of guy he was.

I always think of the book, The Stand by Stephen King where one of his main characters tells himself over and over that he's a nice guy, when deep in his heart he knows that he's not.

What does this have to do with me cleaning crap out of my file cabinets? I don't know, honestly, but after suffering through year after year of trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present, I'm hoping that I can be more accepting this year. I want to enjoy the holidays, listen to the never-ending stories about finding the perfect bargain, hang out with the kids, and not worry so much about the vision for the upcoming year.

Then again, perhaps I can run this ship more effectively if I just got rid of that excess paperwork.

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