Too Fat to Write a Best-Seller
I must admit that I listen to the Howard Stern Show every day. I feel that all of the characters are true friends and each day I thrill my wife with stories of their antics, but today, I was upset by something about the show, and it has to do with my writing career.
Sure, Howard Stern wrote a couple of best-selling books, but now, his sidekick, Artie Lange, has also hit number one on the New York Times Bestsellers list. He laughed when told the news and commented that there were most likely a lot of writers out there who were aggravated by the news.
I know of one! It occurs to me that the surest way to garner the number one spot at Amazon.com or the New York Times is to already be a celebrity. Whatever happened to the art of writing? What ever became of carefully creating a plot, establishing some viable characters, and entertaining millions with a structured story of mystery and suspense?
I’ve published five novels. I’ve tried my hand at non-fiction and wrote a couple of memoirs that have deeply affected doctors, nurses, and patients. I have stayed awake at night deciding when and where to place my characters, and Artie Lange (who I love as a comedian, by the way) hires a ghost writer, slaps a funny title on the book – Too Fat to Fish, and cops the number one spot on the list.
And it’s not just Artie. Madonna wrote a book about sex that did very well. OJ was featured in a story about how he would have committed murder if he were so inclined –and that debuted at number one even after they yanked it from the shelves.
Dr. Phil sells a hundred thousand books for every book I ever sold, and then there’s Dr. Laura, and Al Franken, and Bill O’Reilly.
I have a new rule – if you’re already a millionaire from doing something else – you can’t call yourself an author.
If you are selling books based solely on your name, you can’t be part of a list. If you haven’t put in the time to do a classic rewrite, and have never sat lonely at a book signing, you can’t even begin to think about cashing a royalty check.
Let the struggling writers have their own career. Artie Lange’s debut at number one on the bestsellers list is certainly an accomplishment, but he spent a little time jokingly referring to himself as Hemmingway.
The worst part about it is that he probably sold more books than Hemmingway!
It’s beginning to dawn on me – perhaps I’m just not well known enough to ever write a bestseller. Maybe the best thing to do would be to run down to the bookstore and grab a copy of Artie Lange’s book. Perhaps he can show me how it’s done.
I’m just too normal to succeed or too fat to write a bestseller.
Sure, Howard Stern wrote a couple of best-selling books, but now, his sidekick, Artie Lange, has also hit number one on the New York Times Bestsellers list. He laughed when told the news and commented that there were most likely a lot of writers out there who were aggravated by the news.
I know of one! It occurs to me that the surest way to garner the number one spot at Amazon.com or the New York Times is to already be a celebrity. Whatever happened to the art of writing? What ever became of carefully creating a plot, establishing some viable characters, and entertaining millions with a structured story of mystery and suspense?
I’ve published five novels. I’ve tried my hand at non-fiction and wrote a couple of memoirs that have deeply affected doctors, nurses, and patients. I have stayed awake at night deciding when and where to place my characters, and Artie Lange (who I love as a comedian, by the way) hires a ghost writer, slaps a funny title on the book – Too Fat to Fish, and cops the number one spot on the list.
And it’s not just Artie. Madonna wrote a book about sex that did very well. OJ was featured in a story about how he would have committed murder if he were so inclined –and that debuted at number one even after they yanked it from the shelves.
Dr. Phil sells a hundred thousand books for every book I ever sold, and then there’s Dr. Laura, and Al Franken, and Bill O’Reilly.
I have a new rule – if you’re already a millionaire from doing something else – you can’t call yourself an author.
If you are selling books based solely on your name, you can’t be part of a list. If you haven’t put in the time to do a classic rewrite, and have never sat lonely at a book signing, you can’t even begin to think about cashing a royalty check.
Let the struggling writers have their own career. Artie Lange’s debut at number one on the bestsellers list is certainly an accomplishment, but he spent a little time jokingly referring to himself as Hemmingway.
The worst part about it is that he probably sold more books than Hemmingway!
It’s beginning to dawn on me – perhaps I’m just not well known enough to ever write a bestseller. Maybe the best thing to do would be to run down to the bookstore and grab a copy of Artie Lange’s book. Perhaps he can show me how it’s done.
I’m just too normal to succeed or too fat to write a bestseller.
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