Thoughts of a Common Man

So I got to the K again, as the Kansas City folks call it. Wearing my Yankees hat I got a couple of looks...on a day when I was actually counting the number of times I got annoyed. (It was a social experiment...I got to 22 for the day. Annoyed by drivers, people in airports, the slow rental car guy, men on the job and finally, Yankees pitcher, Michael Pineda, who gave up 3 in the first). It was a perfect night...weather-wise, with the exception of the heat annoying me a little. Sam did his magic and found me a seat that was behind home plate about 5 rows up. I was closer to the catcher and pitcher than I used to be for some of the boys games. Perfect. I also tried the brisket, which set me back 8 bucks, but which I ate like a wolf. In the 8th inning, with the Royals up 8-1...I had some room to stretch out...and I thought about a whole bunch of things: 1). Baseball is so cool. There is no forced action. The kiss-cam and the condiment races on the scoreboard notwithst...

I've actually played golf two weeks in a row. Last week, Picachu and I struggled... the back wouldn't get loose, feet were numb... Miller was shooting in the low 70's beside me. But it was still the best part of the week....I just felt cheated because I had waited to play and felt like garbage. I was intent on stretching, resting and icing the back all week so I could play again. The weather was picture-perfect. Pops and Mike were ready to roll... we didn't have a 4th so I rode alone. It gave me plenty of time to look around. The birds. The grass. Good friends. I double-bogeyed the first hole. Double-bogeyed two. Triple-bogeyed three. Bah!!!! I waited all week for that? And I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and thought about being aggravated about blowing it. It worked really well.  I just relaxed... ...and played better. Ignored the back and legs... "My retirement goal is to join a club, play 9 every day before breakfast....

I have no idea what it's like to be a black man in America. I also have no idea how difficult it is to make a hundred million dollars for throwing a ball, or sitting on the bench of a professional football team. So perhaps that makes me a bit of a nitwit when it comes to talking about Colin Kapernick, the mediocre QB for the San Francisco 49ers. But we ARE in America...so I can say what I feel!! Kapernick can make a stand by not standing for the National Anthem. He's free to do that just as Curt Schilling was free to bash Muslims. But Schilling got shit-canned and Kapernick has now become public enemy number one. Free to do it! And that's where Kapernick's message loses a whole lot of its steam. What trials and tribulations has he been through? My youngest Sam, was mystified. "Was he a slave?" He asked. "I think he has been free to amass a fortune for tossing a ball," I said. And of course Kapernick is looking at things in a...

Every single day since August 14 one of my kids has reminded me that the Lions were beat at the Jeff Fazzolari Memorial Softball Tourney. We were beat 6-3 by the team that my boys threw together. (Chris Miller - Pumba - was the clean-up hitter on that team - but other than that they were all under 25). Now to be fair - most of the original Lions didn't even play in that game - but whatever: "Remember when we beat you," is their rallying cry. And this year was the very first time when I actually considered that we were cooked. At the trade deadline this year the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the History of Organized Sports was cooked too. The Yankees traded Beltran, Miller (no relation to Pumba), Chapman and begged A-Rod to get the hell out while also announcing that Tex was hanging them up. Youth Movement! And a funny thing happened on the way to obscurity! Cessa and Green started pitching in the rotation. Torreyes, Judge, Austin a...

Larry King is 82 years old. His wife of nearly 20 years, Shawn, is 56. Word on the street (the Enquirer) is that she (and how many women do you know named, Shawn) has been having a year-long affair and that the marriage has been effectively over since 2010 as they have been in separate bedrooms since that time. Uh-oh. Poor bastard. First off, every single time I think of Larry King I think of the interview that he did with a woman who had been raped. She said "We stopped for food, and when we got back in the car he just attacked me. He raped me in the car, and I knew there was no way of getting away." Larry asked his follow-up question: "What happened to the food?" That right there is enough for Larry to be cheated on every single day for the rest of his life. Yet I laugh every time I think of it. But imagine what he's going through now. He's been married, what, 9 times, and now, at the ripe old age of 82 he's being absolutely publicly ...

I'm out! Can't take anymore. Today in election coverage: Trump called Clinton a bigot and she said he was a racist. Then he said that she was a liar and she said he was lying when he said that. He said she doesn't want to talk policy and that black people love him, believe me. She said black people hate him more than brown people do. What an absolute shit show. This is what passes as political discourse? I mean, I don't know about you, but I am disgusted with all of it. Who knows what their policies are good for... ...he thinks she's a crook. ....she thinks he steals more than she does. What the hell happened? We have never had a political contest like this, have we? And there are about 75 days to go! What's next? Wedgies on the stage? There needs to be a truce called. Next idiot to call the other idiot a name is named King idiot of the doofus world. Garbage. I'm out! This is now a political free zone. Argue your...

The greatest entertainer of all-time is back in the United States. Bruce played for nearly four hours Tuesday night in the swamps of Jersey. His encore was 8 songs long and included two marathon songs, Jungleland and Rosalita. That encore had to last for at least an hour. We saw Mellencamp play for 75 minutes one night. Bruce is just getting started 75 minutes in. And for the uninitiated, Bruce never leaves the stage. His breaks consist of him dunking his head in a tub of water during a sax solo. What's amazing is that he's 66 years old! I distinctly recall how I felt the first time I saw Bruce...way back in 1983. I couldn't imagine another performer putting on such a show. But he beat that effort nearly every single time I saw him after that. Back about 6 years ago I actually had the chance to see Bruce and the band in New Jersey. My brothers Jim and John went to the show with me, and believe it or not, there was one empty seat in the entire arena that night....

They say that the older you get the more time flies. The Olympics are over. The State Fair is done (missed it again). The softball tourney and pepper party are memories. The Yankees only have 40 games left. Summer is about cooked. Went fast! And it's weird because I did some stuff...I forced myself to golf...and had some good outings and a few where I really suffered. I tried to get to as many parties as I could, but missed a few...travel took a toll. A lot of jobs going made the days short. Yet there was a moment when it dawned on me that the cold might be coming soon. It's still a ways off, but it does make me sad. I don't like the winter. I told the campers that the time was running short at Camp Clifford. "I'm all paid up until the first day of school," Sam said. And they certainly had a blast. But relax!!! It's not over yet! We still have about 60 days before it all poops the bed! Come on, back, hips, legs.... ...hold on ...

When we were kids there weren't any jokes that were off-limits. I wish I had a dime for every time I heard the joke about Italians that ends with "Dago wop,wop,wop." I never once laughed at that joke although the non-Italian guys around me were howling. Of course, growing up I told all the Polish jokes, black jokes and Mexican, German... ...Geez, every kind of joke! And I knew guys of all those heritages and they listened to my stupidity. Some of them laughed with me, but deep down they must have felt the same way I felt when I heard the Italian joke. That's not funny. And now there's a movement out there that says, "We're too politically correct!" As if not telling racist jokes is a bad move. Yet I feel that comedians have some freedoms to some extent...not to be mean-spirited, but to tell jokes in the context of a well-written act. Michael Richards famously showed everyone how NOT to do it. Yet where it isn't funny at all ...

Kathy was on "pick the kids up from Bills game" duty on Saturday night. Sam went with a buddy because Jake had to work, but Jake returned home before it was all over and as soon as Kathy left Jake began talking to me about music. Our musical tastes don't intersect a whole lot, but being a fan of good writing and talent we can find a mutual ground. Jake began the discussion by playing a little of the new Frank Ocean for me, and I had to admit that Ocean has a lovely voice and some lyrical talent. "Where does he rank on your list of male vocalists?" Jake asked. That is actually an impossible question. I started thinking of my favorite singers. Of course, Sinatra is "the voice" but even young kids know and accept that. I went off the board a little. "How about this?" I asked. I pulled up a 1972 video of Al Green singing "I'm So Tired of Being Alone." Jake reacted the same way I had when I heard Green sing that for...

Donald swung by the Louisiana flood scene with some Play-Doh. First, does anyone know the reason why you'd bring that? Secondly, I really feel for those people. They've lost everything and anyone who's ever been even in a bit of a flood knows that it's a losing proposition. We have a driveway that slopes down. Obviously it's not a single thing like losing your whole life in a flood, but man, when the water filled the finished basement there was a real sense of panic. And there wasn't much you could do other than get your crap up and off the floor and try to vacuum up the water and then try to get rid of the stink. We once had a flood here that was absolutely caused by sheer stupidity and my beautiful wife hates when I tell this story. I was out of town and missed the heavy rain earlier in the day. When I returned home I noticed a couple of things instantly. 1). Said beautiful wife had trimmed the shrubs out front. 2). The above-mentioned shrub ...

Ryan Lochte issued an apology for his missteps in Brazil. He issued it on Instagram and put it all out there for all who want to read it. Are we all good now? The suspended football players always put out a polished report that says something along the lines of: "I didn't really do it, but I'm sorry." I don't think that anyone is sorry in those situations, but the apology has to be sent out... ...it's the first step in forgiveness, right? It's funny but a lot of people struggle to say that they're sorry. I guess that they don't care much for being in the spotlight for doing something dumb and there's pain associated with having to admit that you've totally messed up. But the polished apology is really kind of insulting right: The Marcell Dareus apology for being suspended by the NFL for substance abuse was a real reach. He spoke of how sad he was about letting his teammates down. He mentioned that it...

Ryan Lochte may or may not have been robbed at gunpoint in Brazil. Many aren't believing the story. Well, as luck might have it, I have a little experience in this regard. I actually included the story in my wonderful book Dogs On Main Street.  I swear that every word is true! I lived in a little rat's nest apartment next to a gas station in the great town of Lackawanna. I still drive by that apartment now and again and try to think back to those days. Marriage has wiped out most of the happiness of living alone. Anywhoha... I barely opened my eyes each morning. I would pull on a shirt and shorts and make my way through the parking lot to the convenience store. I would make my coffee over there and grab the newspapers. Every Morning. The guy who worked there was a little lazy about everything. He knew that I'd be there each morning and most of the time we would have our morning conversation as he did his morning duty and I yelled at him about sports throug...

Was wandering by the television the other night and noticed the Olympics. There was a small girl doing a flip and landing on what is known as a horse. She stuck the landing. And I got shivers up and down my spine. Because I thought about gym class. You remember those classes, right boys? The gymnasium was wide open, meaning that for the next two weeks there would be no hockey, basketball or baseball. We would all be flashing our skills on the rings, the horse, and the ropes that we had to try and climb to the roof of the gym. Thinking back on it...it's all a little crazy to me! I now walk around job sites and warn grown men about fall hazards in excess of 6' and back then... ...Mr. Ring would chastise us for being a little frightened to make the 20' climb to the ceiling. I hated every minute of all of it! First off, the girls were there. I was deathly afraid of looking like a dork in front of the girls. I can't spin, jump or balance. Never ...

A couple of months back the Buffalo Bills Head Coach Rex Ryan (who introduced Trump when he came to town) declared that he was going to make the Bills great again! He specifically held a press conference to say that the Bills won the off-season! There was no trophy presented, but let's recap: 1). They lost Mario Williams - the guy that they paid a hundred million for and sold as a savior. They cut him because they had him dropping back in coverage as a pass rushing defensive end. 2). Their star running back Shady - He was involved in a beat-down of cops that was caught on tape in Philly. He got away with it after visiting the D.A. down there. It was all just a misunderstanding. Except for the dude with the fractured skull. 3). They drafted to help the D - The first guy they picked was sliding down the draft boards because everyone was worried about his bad shoulder. The Bills knew that he was good to go on day one. He was doing jumping jacks and his shoulder blew out....

I didn't swing the bat more than 5 times on Sunday. I didn't so much as take the field, or even take one step in a run from the batter's box. Rocco ran for me and Thank God too because he turned a couple of outs into infield singles. But when 2 a.m. on Monday morning rolled around I was wide awake... ...in horrendous pain. "You're legs are tighter than a coat of paint," the poor lady who was tasked with massaging those legs said after I worked 12 hours on them on Monday. It saved me...but two massages in four days is going to put me in the poor house... ...and there was a moment at the softball tourney when I watched my brother, John, who is a year older than me and has always run like a deer... ...score from second on a ground ball to short. And it wasn't even close! I had a front seat to watch all the kids play. Jake has excellent foot speed, like his uncle. John's daughter, Nicole, can fly. My other boys... Matt and Sam.....

Paulie threw out the first pitch. The auction was loaded with so many beautiful donations. Our friends were there, bringing tears to our eyes. Pops hit a stand-up triple! We wanted to see him slide. Rocco never left my side! He wanted an at-bat. He hit a single! Wif made me a snack! His work each year is amazing! That's me eating the snack! It was rancid. But hey! I won the Ryan LaMarre signed baseball! The Fuzzy's Thank You! From the bottom of our hearts! I say it every year... ... Jeff was a walking celebration. He loves that this day is possible!

I was swinging the hammer to tenderize the flank steak to make the braciole that I was using to stuff my peppers. And, of course, I thought of my Dad. He would make braciole about once a month. It's a lot of work! But I finished and then I sat down to try it. There were certainly enough similarities to bring Dad to mind again. Why did he work so hard every week to make the Sunday dinner that was enough to feed us and any and all of our friends? I thought of the love involved...and it helped me to realize that we live our lives striving for all the good things. Family, friends, togetherness... ...and in the end those that are left behind will take stock in the why you did the things you did. These are the days. Despite all the work, all the angst. What all that results in is that legacy that we leave behind for all who love us. My days are happening right now! My children are gathering information. "Dad worked hard." "Dad made sure we all h...

"You might not be able to get your reports written quickly tonight," my beautiful wife said mid-afternoon on Friday. Now anyone that knows me understands that I hate being thrown off course. In fact, it makes me act like a dope. "Why?" I asked, figuring that someone had broken something around the house. Camp Clifford is in disrepair at times due to the campers being a tad goofy. "Someone smashed a pole. Lights are out all over the neighborhood. They're saying they might be on in the late afternoon." But alas, Pops chimed in and told me that it might be 9 p.m. That wouldn't work!!! I had the reports but I also had to make my peppers for the hot pepper contest. I didn't have time for any of this!! To top it off, it was close to 90 degrees. "The air is off. It's like a sauna here," Sam said. The lights didn't come on in the early afternoon. "We're gonna' miss A-Rod's last game too." ...

So, it wasn't quite as wonderful as A-Rod and the Yankees made it out to be. Since A-Rod announced that he was leaving the Yankees and would take a coaching position there has been some discussion of his playing time. You see, A-Rod is 4 homers shy of being one of only 4 that hit 700...(only two did it fairly). Yet, Alex would like to join Barry Bonds, The Real HR King - Henry Aaron and Babe Ruth. Except Joe Girardi, the Yankee manager, didn't give two poops about what A-Rod wanted. He didn't play him at all this week - except for a pinch hit appearance. You see, Joe is still of the mindset that the Yankees can reach the playoffs. He is managing to win. He doesn't believe that A-Rod at 41 years old gives him the best chance to do that. A-Rod doesn't want to sit on the bench. The good feelings are gone. Yet tonight's game is supposed to be it. And it's supposed to rain hard. A-Rod asked Girardi if he could possibly play third in his fina...

I left for Kansas City on Sunday night and the flights out were perfect. The seat beside me was empty on each flight. I rented a car...and was in the hotel right at the time I thought I might. On Monday I heard about Delta having problems. I don't hardly look at my airline tickets so it hardly registered with me that I might still have problems on the return trip on Tuesday evening. But boy... ...I had problems! I received a note at about noon on Tuesday. My 2nd flight would be an hour late. Right about when Donald Trump was insinuating that his opponent be murdered, I received another message. The delay was now 3 hours. We wouldn't be leaving until 1:15 a.m. Okay. I spent my time in the airport in Detroit, listening to the news recap. The Trump backers were saying "He was joking, or that's not what he meant to say." Well, either way, in a land where mass shootings are nearly monthly events, the words spoken can result in tremendous pain. Ask...

Pathetic is one of the words I like. It really speaks to how bad a situation is. Hapless, hopeless, pointless. Pathetic! I was making the long, boring drive from Kansas City to Ankeny, Iowa. I was a little bored. Opie & Jim, Howard and Jenny McCarthy's shows were over. So, I went to CNN and listened to Donald Trump make a speech about the economy. Herein lies the reason why I believe we are pathetic. Donald was talking about tax reform. And the candidate isn't important. What he was trying to say was. You know who he was selling his speech to? The hard-working, underpaid people of the middle class and the poor, forgotten folks who have been left behind as they chase the American Dream. Same old, pathetic speech! Donald spelled out his plan: Lower the tax responsibility of the rich. The reasoning being that if we cut taxes on the wealthy the "good-paying" jobs will be hanging from the trees. It'll make us great again! Patheti...

The athletes are amazing. They make a commitment to compete for the bronze, silver and gold. Many of them train day in and day out, month in and month out for years and years. The only thing I ever committed to on such a grand scale is watching Judge Judy. They're amazing in their dedication and I admire their feats of strength, speed and agility...no matter the sport. Yet, with all that being said... ...I don't watch the Olympics... ...at all! I never have. I can honestly say that the only Olympic events I've ever watched were the 1980 Miracle on Ice and the Dream Team games with Jordan and Bird. I have no desire to watch Michael Phelps swim. Or any of them jump, or run, or throw the shot, or anything else. Does that make me un-American? Are you watching? Michael Phelps swimming across the pool was the number one story on Monday's world report. They interviewed him, showed him with suction cup marks on his back... ...they spoke of his de...

A-Rod was on the 2000 Seattle team that won 118 games during the regular season and then lost to the Yankees in 5 in the ALCS. I didn't much care for him then, but knew that he was a supreme talent. There was little doubt that he could turn into the greatest player ever. Everyone also knew that he would also outgrow Seattle and sign a huge money contract somewhere. But he didn't go to Boston or New York... ...instead he signed down in Texas... over $250 million dollars! We all screamed: No one is worth that!! Turns out he wasn't. Texas was finishing near the basement despite the fact that A-Rod was hitting nearly 50 home runs every year. I still didn't much care for him. And then the rumors started. Boston was going to get him. It was a done deal. But the commissioner stepped in and said that the money couldn't be deferred in the way that the Suck Sux wanted to do it. And A-Rod was traded to the Yankees. I didn't know what to t...

I have always sort of cringed whenever someone has blamed the media for their problems. It's usually just an excuse. Yet during this presidential fiasco I have been listening to the news a bit more. It's like not being able to look away from a car crash! Neither candidate can get through a speech or a rally without being caught in a blatant lie... ...or in saying something epically stupid. But there certainly is a problem with the reporting of all of it! And I blame O.J. Everything is BREAKING NEWS now. Everything is torn to shreds! I imagine that back in the old days (when America was great????) the presidential candidates were not so thoroughly vetted. The guy running for president used to show up...kiss a few babies...and go back into hiding. The news anchors would show a few photos and say a few things about the candidate... ...and the secrets remained secret. The dumb things said were repeated and then forgotten. Now... ...the candidate sa...

Every single year I am amazed... ...by the sheer beauty of life . This week I have been receiving packages in the mail! I was on the road and asked my usual: "Did we get any mail?" (I ask this question because the mail has a way of getting lost in the vortex if I don't). "You received another package," Kathy said. A package? Donations from friends...across the country...who want to help us honor Jeff at the softball tournament! That's beautiful! Johnny has been here all week. He's a beautiful kid. He is a bit of a joker. Wonder where that came from? And there is a buzz around the family... ...because on Sunday August 14 at North Collins Town Park at 11 a.m. Jeff's friends will gather! And we will celebrate his life! It's funny, but each and every day I have a little bit of a conversation with Jeff. I have learned to smile a bit when I tell him about how it's going. Next Sunday I will smile all day. Ex...

Do you remember the classic episodes? About a week ago someone posted a clip of the Bugs Bunny episode where he put the robber in the oven and asked the cop: "Would I turn the oven on if he was hiding in there?" "You might rabbit, you might." And then last night I caught the episode of Jerry losing the library book... ...and Bookman stole the show. It got me thinking about my other favorite episodes: The Odd Couple Hands down...the one where Felix's and Oscar's apartment got robbed and they were tied to chairs...and to pass the time they made funny faces...Klugman had a great face for that episode. Friends I loved the episodes when Joey moved out on Chandler and Chandler had the goofy roommate who thought that Chandler had slept with his girl. When they teamed up to throw the guy out... ...there were a lot of good ones though. The Sopranos There were a million of them! But when Silvio (Miami Steve) killed Christopher's girlfri...

Matt moved out. Weird. He has been gone for long stretches as he went through college, but last night he was packing all his stuff, and moving on down the road. "Five years later than you wanted," he said as he passed me in the hall. "Ten, actually," I said. So now the green and gold Oakland A's room is empty and since it's the biggest of the 3 boys rooms I don't think it'll be vacant for long. And kids these days are boomerangs anyway. So you never know, but every parent everywhere has gone through their kid moving out. I remember moving into my apartment after college. My Dad was dead-set against it. "Stay here! Save money!! I stuff you with steak and pasta all week long...why are you leaving?" The reasons are universal. To be more of an adult. To come and go as you please. To have company over without your little brothers making fun. I get it. But it's still weird. And there will be a day... ...in th...

We've all been around when someone says something out of line... ...at a party, on a date, in church. Yet there are guidelines, right? We all adhere to a decorum. We try not to say everything that is on our mind any time that we feel like it, right? I must admit that I have not always followed the guidelines. I have been asked to speak at a convention in Las Vegas for three years running now... ...this despite the fact that "I don't work clean." I usually let the crowd know what is coming and after hearing me speak the first time, the fact that they asked me to return again and again let me know that they weren't offended. They've even asked me back already for the upcoming gig. So...boundaries can be pushed. But, lately I've been wondering if certain people in the limelight are going too far. There has to be a filter... ...at least a little one. A few years back I was asked to attend a sales meeting. I have never been shy about telli...

Was thinking about being young. I lived in San Jose...thought about staying there. I went to Baltimore...considered hanging out at O's games and becoming a Baltimoron. Didn't do it. I also lived in New Haven, Connecticut and really considered staying with the company that I worked with there. But I took a different road. The road back home... ...where I met my Waterloo (err...I mean, my beautiful wife). And then the Camp Clifford Campers came along and the road became steady and straight and the direction became clear. When I saw that photo I thought of all the chances that we all have to take a different road. Do we do things because of a pre-arranged plan? What would have happened had I stayed out in California? Would there be different Fuzzy kids out there? They say that a picture is worth a thousand words... ...but sometimes it's worth a hundred thousand words. I kinda' looked at that photo for awhile. I feel like I've taken the ...

At the 100-game mark of a baseball season... ...one team has been over .500 for 24 years in a row. Of course it's the 27-Time World Champion Greatest Franchise in the history of Organized American Sports. But title #28 isn't coming this year. I now have a couple of months to get used to the idea. Because last week they dealt pitcher Aroldis Chapman to the Cubs for a group of 19 and 20 year olds. Then yesterday morning I got a notice that said: "Andrew Miller traded to the Indians." For 4 more 19-20 year old kids. As we ate Sunday pasta, the dopey kids who don't love the Yankees started busting my chops. We spoke of the need to cut bait with two Yankees that my Mom knows. "They need to get rid of A-Rod and Tex," I said. And Mom asked why. "Because they're old. They can't do it anymore." Mom didn't take the news well. "All the guys I know are gone." I felt weird all day! I don't know how I...