Melky Hates Snow
My beautiful wife and kids know by now that whenever I say:
"Melky hates _____"
That I'm usually projecting.
Well, Melky hates snow.
The New Year's morning storm that brought snow in sheets along with thunder and lightning also brought Melky into the house quickly.
Meanwhile, Paris was running through the snow, dipping her nose, loving every minute of it.
A lot of people really enjoy snow.
I hear from one buddy who lives in the Philly area (Hi Gag)... he always wants to know how bad we're getting hit.
"Damn, wish I was there."
He's a little like Paris.
Weird.
And the reasons why I hate snow so much?
1). I don't like being cold.
And people say, 'Dress warmer.'
Thanks, genius.
Never thought of that.
Well, I still feel the cold.
I spend 10 hours out in it.
My feet get wet.
It sucks.
2). I hate driving in it.
I'm a cautious man.
Always have been.
When my slightly lunatic brothers used to fly through the fields on their snowmobiles, I'd be puttering along slowly, searching for ponds, writing the story in my head where the writer with all the potential drowns.
I can't see as well in the dark as I used to.
I get a little Grandma Schryver-ish in the snow. Grandma (RIP) used to white knuckle the door handle and shout instructions to Grandpa whenever a car got close...and that was in the good weather!
So, if you see me going 40 in the slow lane with my flashers going and you think I'm a wimp...
...you're right.
3). I don't care to shovel.
Exerting myself to clear something that continues to fall from the sky drives me crazy.
And I watch the guy next door getting his driveway clean. The old bastard is cutting edges and whistling.
If you like it so much why don't you come across the street and do a brother a solid?
My kids are right there with me on this one.
"Go out and shovel a little," I say.
"You," they answer.
So we just drive right through it to get out...until we can't.
4). You can't really golf in it.
There's a moment each year when I stand at the tee, look around, feel the warmth on my face, take a deep breath and a practice swing and think:
Perfect.
A moment of true peace.
Everything feels right.
You can't do that when you're wondering if your big toe is gonna' fall off in the freezing cold.
Melky hates snow.
Paris and Gag love snow.
We all know that Melky is a genius.
Snow sucks.
"Melky hates _____"
That I'm usually projecting.
Well, Melky hates snow.
The New Year's morning storm that brought snow in sheets along with thunder and lightning also brought Melky into the house quickly.
Meanwhile, Paris was running through the snow, dipping her nose, loving every minute of it.
A lot of people really enjoy snow.
I hear from one buddy who lives in the Philly area (Hi Gag)... he always wants to know how bad we're getting hit.
"Damn, wish I was there."
He's a little like Paris.
Weird.
And the reasons why I hate snow so much?
1). I don't like being cold.
And people say, 'Dress warmer.'
Thanks, genius.
Never thought of that.
Well, I still feel the cold.
I spend 10 hours out in it.
My feet get wet.
It sucks.
2). I hate driving in it.
I'm a cautious man.
Always have been.
When my slightly lunatic brothers used to fly through the fields on their snowmobiles, I'd be puttering along slowly, searching for ponds, writing the story in my head where the writer with all the potential drowns.
I can't see as well in the dark as I used to.
I get a little Grandma Schryver-ish in the snow. Grandma (RIP) used to white knuckle the door handle and shout instructions to Grandpa whenever a car got close...and that was in the good weather!
So, if you see me going 40 in the slow lane with my flashers going and you think I'm a wimp...
...you're right.
3). I don't care to shovel.
Exerting myself to clear something that continues to fall from the sky drives me crazy.
And I watch the guy next door getting his driveway clean. The old bastard is cutting edges and whistling.
If you like it so much why don't you come across the street and do a brother a solid?
My kids are right there with me on this one.
"Go out and shovel a little," I say.
"You," they answer.
So we just drive right through it to get out...until we can't.
4). You can't really golf in it.
There's a moment each year when I stand at the tee, look around, feel the warmth on my face, take a deep breath and a practice swing and think:
Perfect.
A moment of true peace.
Everything feels right.
You can't do that when you're wondering if your big toe is gonna' fall off in the freezing cold.
Melky hates snow.
Paris and Gag love snow.
We all know that Melky is a genius.
Snow sucks.
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