Steven Wright Quotes
The comic Steven Wright has an amazing mind.
I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
And when the thoughts are set out there one-by-one they seem simple enough, but the majority of us don't think that way.
Eagles may soar, but Eagles don't get sucked into jet engines.
And every once in awhile I'll have a thought like that...but he is prolific at putting them all down.
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, but I made your horn louder."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
And given a little thought all of the witty phrases make sense.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
We've all been there...the butter is too rigid...we tear up the roll.
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
And I think of all the great comic minds.
I cringe when I think that George Carlin would be asked to apologize for some of the things he might have said along the way.
It's important to not silence the minds of the stand-up comics out there in the world who see things from another point of view that isn't accessible to everyone all the time.
If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends?
What happens if you get half scared to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
The great mind of Steven Wright.
I think I'll make my kids catch an old stand-up special.
The monotone delivery.
And line after line of brilliance.
I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
And when the thoughts are set out there one-by-one they seem simple enough, but the majority of us don't think that way.
Eagles may soar, but Eagles don't get sucked into jet engines.
And every once in awhile I'll have a thought like that...but he is prolific at putting them all down.
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, but I made your horn louder."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
And given a little thought all of the witty phrases make sense.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
We've all been there...the butter is too rigid...we tear up the roll.
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
And I think of all the great comic minds.
I cringe when I think that George Carlin would be asked to apologize for some of the things he might have said along the way.
It's important to not silence the minds of the stand-up comics out there in the world who see things from another point of view that isn't accessible to everyone all the time.
If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends?
What happens if you get half scared to death twice?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
The great mind of Steven Wright.
I think I'll make my kids catch an old stand-up special.
The monotone delivery.
And line after line of brilliance.
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