The Long Goodbye

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One of the toughest things about getting older is the fact that I have perfected the inability to get a good night's sleep. Up by five this morning, but I had my mind on getting into a decent frame of mind for the day and the upcoming busy week.

I read a little before getting out of bed. Got the sauce on. Took Melky for her ride. Read the paper from cover to cover and chugged a cup of coffee. I'm not one of the people that can spend an hour sipping coffee. Too much to do.

Headed to church, alone. That's one of the prices that must be paid when you are up early...lots of alone time. In church they spoke of choices. Making the right choice and minimizing the chaos. Good thought.

On the way to the YMCA I listened to Bruce on E-Street Radio. I stopped at Tim Horton's for another small coffee and the girl gave me change for a twenty when I had given her a ten. I had a choice to make. I gave her the money back.

A Bruce song caught my ear:

My soul went walking but I stayed here.
Feels like I been working for a thousand years.
Chipping away at this chain of my own lies.
Climbing a wall a hundred thousand miles high.

My knee has been bothering me since July. The doctors are aggravating the piss out of me. I went walking with my soul. Three miles. A little less than a jog. The knee held up.

The I-pod gave me my wedding song: If I Should Fall Behind.

It was a slow version of the song and Nils sang the line that propelled me around the track.

Now everyone dreams of love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do.
So let's make our steps clear so the other may see
And I'll wait for you.
Should I fall behind.
Wait for me.

The 'Wait for Me' was sung so softly. The verse is brilliant anyway. Thank God my wife waited while my soul went walking. Many others, with their own agendas talk of love but have no idea what it is.

I was so calm. Hot tub and steam room. My mother-in-law says its usually out-of-shape, bald guys in the hot tub when she goes.

Good thing she wasn't there this morning. She would've said the same thing.

Been a few crazy weeks. People admiring the book when it was a natural thing to do. Pain still slipping in and out of the mind and the knee. Soul is walking. Feel a little like I'm walking beside it now. The family has waited up.

So I headed to the last verse of the song that started the thoughts.

The moon is high and here I am.
Sitting here with this hammer in hand.
One more drink oughta ease the pain;
Staring at that last link in the chain.
Well let's raise our glass and let this hammer fly.
Hey yeah this is the long goodbye.

Just about time for a nap.

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