A Thousand Ways to Go

-
Sadly I read a story about a man who jumped out of an airplane and somehow lost his chute on the way down -the results weren't good.

There is the even sadder story of the 17-year-old kid who went looking for his hat and was wiped out by a roller coaster. My kids are never going to be able to walk out of Mom's sight lines at Six Flags.

Sixteen people choked to death on rubber bands last year. Can you imagine those wakes? He choked on what? Why the hell was he chewing a rubber band?

I'm always fascinated with the crazy end to a life. I suppose its because I'm a fairly cautious person and wouldn't think of being even a little reckless. When I drive I scan the surrounding areas for signs of danger. I gave up snowmobiling because I was always looking for the pond that was going to trap me, or the electric fence that would cut my jugular.

Yet I nearly bought it myself in a bizarre manner on the day when the Bills played in their last Super Bowl. I was having trouble sleeping that morning and wanted to get a jump on the big day. I went to my car in the parking lot and found that it was stuck in its spot due to icy conditions (Buffalo - go figure).

I started the car and put it in neutral and began pushing on it so that it could break free of the ice. Unfortunately there was a car in the lot even with mine. My car started rolling back, pinching - no crushing me - between my car and the parked car. The door was squeezing me to the point of suffocation, but just before I lost all of my air and did my impression of a juice box, the car broke free of the ice, rolled down the driveway and slammed into the house behind me. I hit the ground and crawled to the car which had hammered the house.

I got in the car, rolled down the window, counted every rib, and put it into drive. I scanned the area to be sure that no one saw my supreme act of stupidity and then I started laughing.

I laughed all the way until the game started - when Dallas rolled off about thirty unanswered points, I wished that I'd be under the car.

Some people want to go out in a blaze of glory - my father always said that wants to live to 98 and get arrested for rape. Not sure about all of that, but it does pay to be cautious.

I'm scanning online for people who blow off their limbs with fireworks - hope it doesn't happen this year.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more