The Comparison

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I read a NY Post article about A-Rod, C-Rod, Madonna, and a number of strippers. My wife has had a crush on A-Rod since seeing him in a tight-fitting tee-shirt, so I decided to hit her with the bad news of his infidelities.

"Do you still find him attractive?" I asked.
"Uh, yeah," she said.

So, let's start the comparison.

A-Rod can hit a baseball 450 feet with some regularity. I can hit a golf ball 200 yards - if everything goes right. Point - A-Rod.

I can drink a case of beer over the course of a night. Betting he can't. Point - Me.

When A-Rod goes out on the town he has steak, drinks fine wine, hangs with Jeter (maybe), and is surrounded by pretty women. When I go out of town for work, I eat at the all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffett and sleep at the Comfort Inn in beds that have to be filled with microscopic bugs. Point - A-Rod.

He's buff - I'm on the anti-side of buff. Point A-Rod.

He signed (2) 250-million dollar contracts. I have 11 bucks in my wallet. Point A-Rod.

(Getting smoked here - need some help).

I have 9 adult books published - he co-wrote a children's book - stick that one in your ass. Point - Me.

He's doing Madonna (allegedly) and she did Rodman; I'm not doing her - no diseases for me! Point - Me.

I've been with the Yankees through six World Series titles - he doesn't have one yet. Point - Me.

All tied up here. Final question - it was a best of nine.

He's going to be out with strippers in Toronto tonight. There are rumblings that his wife might let him see one of his kids. I'm going to be home tonight with three kids, two dogs, and a woman that wants him. Point - Me - I think!

Seriously, there are moments when we all want to be like our idols - this ain't one of 'em. I know my wife pretty well and if A-Rod and I were standing side-by-side and she had to choose one of us - she'd probably say:

Pack the bags kids, we're moving to the Bronx!

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