Jeopardy

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I’m throwing my hat in the ring!

I’m ready to take over for Alex Trebek.

I saw some clips of Aaron Rodgers. He isn’t funny, and I’m smarter than him.

We would just have to put it on cable because I would like the opportunity to swear a little if the feeling strikes me.

Truth be told, I don’t watch a lot of game shows. I don’t know why but puzzles and games make me feel anxious.

It has something to do with being impatient, I think.

But that shouldn’t stop me from hosting, right?

The reasons why I need to be the host?

1). It’s an easy gig and a natural for me! They give you the answers!! I have condescending prick down to a science. I’ve been pretending that I’m smart for like 56 and a half years.

2). They film it all in about a week’s time. They pay you a king’s ransom for very little work. Trebek was outstanding at it and got a whole lot of respect, but he was only working about a week a year.

That’s perfect!

3). Rodgers doesn’t need the gig. He’s the freaking quarterback for the Packers. He lives in a mansion. Has a brand new hot wife who is certainly not Kathy Fazzolari, but let’s be real here:

I’m better looking than him.

Now, I’m also hearing that LeVar Burton is also taking a turn at it. I know he’s smarter than me, but again, the answers are on the card!

I just have to pretend to be smart, and not to belabor the point, but I do that all the time!

And one other thing:

Putting your answer in the form of a question is dopey.

When I’m in charge, that’s going away!

My other demands?

I get to host in a Yankees shirt and shorts.

I’m not wearing a tie.

Let Burton have his turn at hosting, and then call me in.

I’m ready to go!

May Trebek Rest In Peace.

He’d definitely recommend me if he were still around.

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