When Did You Know?

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It was just a throw-away line in a show we were watching where one character said to the other:

“When did you know that life wasn’t going to be as great as you thought it would be?”

I immediately thought back to the innocent days of my youth when there wasn’t a whole lot to worry about. Mom and Dad has us covered and we spent a whole lot of time laughing and loving and having a blast.

There was a blank page ahead of me and I could write all over it.

That was fun.

And I think to the early days of our marriage when the days were hectic and it was a crazy race to get all three boys to bed, and then try and sneak some sleep in.

So many possibilities for my children. I was still having a lot of fun, building my career, writing and dreaming.

The pages of that blank book filling in.

Still loving life.

But I was forever mindful of the idea that life can chew you up and spit you out. Live every day. Love everyone. Smell the roses. Life’s like a box of chocolates.

And all that shit.

Life can grind you.

Up and out and working hard. Bad breaks. Immeasurable losses.

And suddenly.

You’re getting older.

I spend a little time each month thinking, “Damn! I’m in my mid-50’s!”

My Dad was about this age when I asked him if he felt his age.

“I still feel like I’m 18,” he said.

At that time, I marveled at that thought! He still felt like he was 18 when he was 55?

“55 is ancient!” I thought.

When I asked Dad what he wanted out of the rest of his days, he said:

“I want to be in my mid-90’s and under suspicion for multiple felonies.”

It made me laugh. He was that sort of guy, and he had a zest for all of it.

So, I thought about that sitcom line for a good long while.

“When did you know?”

I don’t have regrets about much, but I feel the grind on the bad days. I feel the loss on the worst of days.

I still like to battle.

There are still some pages left to write on.

Hoping most people wait a good long way into their lives before they know that it’s rough.

And know, the good days come back around too.

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