When Did You Know?
It was just a throw-away line in a show we were watching where one character said to the other:
“When did you know that life wasn’t going to be as great as you thought it would be?”
I immediately thought back to the innocent days of my youth when there wasn’t a whole lot to worry about. Mom and Dad has us covered and we spent a whole lot of time laughing and loving and having a blast.
There was a blank page ahead of me and I could write all over it.
That was fun.
And I think to the early days of our marriage when the days were hectic and it was a crazy race to get all three boys to bed, and then try and sneak some sleep in.
So many possibilities for my children. I was still having a lot of fun, building my career, writing and dreaming.
The pages of that blank book filling in.
Still loving life.
But I was forever mindful of the idea that life can chew you up and spit you out. Live every day. Love everyone. Smell the roses. Life’s like a box of chocolates.
And all that shit.
Life can grind you.
Up and out and working hard. Bad breaks. Immeasurable losses.
And suddenly.
You’re getting older.
I spend a little time each month thinking, “Damn! I’m in my mid-50’s!”
My Dad was about this age when I asked him if he felt his age.
“I still feel like I’m 18,” he said.
At that time, I marveled at that thought! He still felt like he was 18 when he was 55?
“55 is ancient!” I thought.
When I asked Dad what he wanted out of the rest of his days, he said:
“I want to be in my mid-90’s and under suspicion for multiple felonies.”
It made me laugh. He was that sort of guy, and he had a zest for all of it.
So, I thought about that sitcom line for a good long while.
“When did you know?”
I don’t have regrets about much, but I feel the grind on the bad days. I feel the loss on the worst of days.
I still like to battle.
There are still some pages left to write on.
Hoping most people wait a good long way into their lives before they know that it’s rough.
And know, the good days come back around too.
Comments