Goner

Whenever I have to fly for work we have a joke about cashing in on the life insurance.

“Landed. No life insurance claim,” is how I normally phrase it.

Sometimes it comes back:

“Darn.”

Boston to Buffalo is a quick flight and normally it doesn’t even cross my mind that planes do sometimes crash. Honestly, I never think about it at all.

On Wednesday evening I got on the plane with the plan to read a little and maybe sleep for a few minutes. My headphones were on the fritz so I didn’t have music, but it’s only an hour or so...

...how bad could it be?

I forgot about annoying bastards who like to talk.

The two guys behind me hit it off. So, I had to listen to the “What do you do? Are you married? Do you have kids? Trump is something, huh?”

“Shut-up! Shut-up!! Shut-up!!!”

I never told them to shut-up and they didn’t. I seriously wondered, at one point, if they were falling in love. I haven’t said that much to my beautiful wife since about ‘97.

I read until I felt a little droopy and closed my eyes.

“We’re at 10,000 feet,” the captain said. “We’re bringing by 3 ounces of water and a bag with 3 tiny cookies in it.”

Nope!

Eyes closed. They’ll buzz right on by.

Except it didn’t go down like that.

The plane shook.

I opened my eyes.

It shook harder.

Felt like we dropped...

...a lot.

I saw a drink and a bag fly up the aisle.

“Look at the flight attendant,” I thought. “If they don’t panic, we’re okay.”

The guy I looked at was on the verge of soiling his pants.

We kept shaking.

“Flight attendants sit please!” The captain called out.

He sounded like he was scared!

“We’re crashing,” I thought. “I’m dead.”

The shaking continued.

One of the flight attendants actually fell to one knee.

“Our Father....”

And then it stopped.

Took a long minute but we evened out.

40 minutes later I was on the ground. I didn’t even send my joke text.

“Land?” Was the text I received.

“Barely. We almost crashed,” I answered.

“Haha.”

I didn’t tell her I wasn’t joking.

But she could’ve cashed the life insurance check.

I don’t really want to be obliterated on a plane...

...but it would be lucrative for her.


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