Perry Mason Needs to Figure it Out

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I couldn't go to sleep last night. Usually it's the other way around...I go to sleep okay, but wake up real, real early.

But last night it was different. So, I put on ME Television. That channel has changed my life. Dick Van Dyke, Bob Newhart, CHEERS, Taxi, Mary Tyler Moore.

All better than the nightly singing and dancing shows and the reality stars of today.

Anyhow. Last night it was late. So I got the Twilight Zone and then Perry Mason. On the Twilight Zone it all took place in a diner. I was entertained by the signs posted that offered coffee for ten cents and pancakes for thirty-five cents. Coffee is about $4.50 at Starbucks now a days.

I'm sounding old, aren't I?

Yet Perry Mason was even weirder because Raymond Burr, in my mind's eye was a fat, ornery guy who was stuck in a wheelchair. Not when he was a lawyer.

In the dark, after midnight, I Googled him to see what I remembered.

Did you know they are pretty sure he was gay? They also are quite sure that to cover his homosexuality he made up a story about having a son. He told everyone who'd listen back in the old days that his son died of cancer when he was ten.

No one ever met the boy.

He claimed to be in love with Natalie Wood, who if I remember right, washed up onshore after being married to Robert Wagner.

Evidently, Burr wasn't really in love with her because she didn't have the body parts he desired.

Thinking about all of it finally put me to sleep.

What a different day and age.

People were ashamed of living a certain way. Burr went to great lengths to stay private. He even may have made up the whopper of all lies to cover his tracks.

These days, the women who do nothing to be famous get out of limos trying to show you their...

(uh, what's the word I'm looking for?)

You know the word. The first 50 descriptive words that popped into my mind shouldn't be listed...

But you get the point.

Where's Perry Mason when you need him?

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