Way Too Sad
Sometimes you pick up the newspaper and read a story that's just way too much to comprehend because you can put yourself there, within the story, and feel the true heartbreak.
The story that broke mid-week about the 18-year old, first year college student from Buffalo was like that. The total story hasn't come out yet, but there has been wide speculation that Nolan Burch died after drinking too much at a West Virginia University frat party.
God Bless his poor family.
Yet there was so much that went through my mind as I read it all through in the Buffalo News.
I have three boys hanging around these parts.
I know how they will be pressed into possibly drinking when we are not around.
It scares the hell out of me because I also know that I was smack dab in the middle of that sort of thing back about 30 years ago.
It's rough.
Where to begin?
I drank a lot in college. We had a great time and I wouldn't change much about the experience.
Was I stupid?
Unbelievably so.
Was I ever in danger?
Certainly.
Yet I pledged a frat for a couple of weeks. Do you know why I quit?
Because I thought it was stupid that these guys were treating me like dog crap and forcing me to do things I didn't want to do. In fact, I remember the exact moment when I told them to stick their frat up their collective asses.
A kid came into the pledge meeting. He was wearing a members jacket. The name on the left near his heart read, 'Tom'. Other than that I had no idea who he was. I'd never seen him before. I had been instructed to know the name of every brother in that house. I recall the wave of panic that swept through me as he made his way down the line and stood before me. I was half-drunk, but I was there enough to know that he was going to abuse me.
"WHAT'S MY NAME?" HE SCREAMED.
"Tom," I answered.
"TOM WHAT?" HE SCREAMED AGAIN.
"Tom, sir?"
He spit a mouthful of tobacco juice in my face.
The only reaction I had was to step out of line, walk up the stairs and out of the house. I was walking down the street away from the frat house and one of the older brothers - a guy I genuinely liked - came out to walk with me. He told me that it was all about discipline and fear and proving yourself worthy. He begged me not to quit. He said it'd get easier.
I quit.
And years and years later, with the boys reaching their formative years under my roof, I made another decision.
I quit drinking all together.
I remember the moment when I made that decision. I wasn't even drinking. It was a Saturday afternoon. Sam was watching me make dinner. I made a motion with my hands, and he wasn't saying anything. He just made the same sort of motion.
They're watching me. They're imitating me.
There had been plenty of recent sadness in my life. Sadness that seemed impossible to cope with without drinking. But they were watching closely. I had to show them that there was another way around the problems that life brings.
I quit.
Now it's their turn.
They have to go out into a world that is extremely off-kilter. They have to make decisions. Quick decisions. About how they're going to stand up to the pressures.
Will they do it right every time?
Probably not.
And that scares us beyond belief, but hopefully there's enough there to stop the world from spitting in their face.
That poor family.
Say a prayer for them if you have a chance.
It's a cruel world.
The story that broke mid-week about the 18-year old, first year college student from Buffalo was like that. The total story hasn't come out yet, but there has been wide speculation that Nolan Burch died after drinking too much at a West Virginia University frat party.
God Bless his poor family.
Yet there was so much that went through my mind as I read it all through in the Buffalo News.
I have three boys hanging around these parts.
I know how they will be pressed into possibly drinking when we are not around.
It scares the hell out of me because I also know that I was smack dab in the middle of that sort of thing back about 30 years ago.
It's rough.
Where to begin?
I drank a lot in college. We had a great time and I wouldn't change much about the experience.
Was I stupid?
Unbelievably so.
Was I ever in danger?
Certainly.
Yet I pledged a frat for a couple of weeks. Do you know why I quit?
Because I thought it was stupid that these guys were treating me like dog crap and forcing me to do things I didn't want to do. In fact, I remember the exact moment when I told them to stick their frat up their collective asses.
A kid came into the pledge meeting. He was wearing a members jacket. The name on the left near his heart read, 'Tom'. Other than that I had no idea who he was. I'd never seen him before. I had been instructed to know the name of every brother in that house. I recall the wave of panic that swept through me as he made his way down the line and stood before me. I was half-drunk, but I was there enough to know that he was going to abuse me.
"WHAT'S MY NAME?" HE SCREAMED.
"Tom," I answered.
"TOM WHAT?" HE SCREAMED AGAIN.
"Tom, sir?"
He spit a mouthful of tobacco juice in my face.
The only reaction I had was to step out of line, walk up the stairs and out of the house. I was walking down the street away from the frat house and one of the older brothers - a guy I genuinely liked - came out to walk with me. He told me that it was all about discipline and fear and proving yourself worthy. He begged me not to quit. He said it'd get easier.
I quit.
And years and years later, with the boys reaching their formative years under my roof, I made another decision.
I quit drinking all together.
I remember the moment when I made that decision. I wasn't even drinking. It was a Saturday afternoon. Sam was watching me make dinner. I made a motion with my hands, and he wasn't saying anything. He just made the same sort of motion.
They're watching me. They're imitating me.
There had been plenty of recent sadness in my life. Sadness that seemed impossible to cope with without drinking. But they were watching closely. I had to show them that there was another way around the problems that life brings.
I quit.
Now it's their turn.
They have to go out into a world that is extremely off-kilter. They have to make decisions. Quick decisions. About how they're going to stand up to the pressures.
Will they do it right every time?
Probably not.
And that scares us beyond belief, but hopefully there's enough there to stop the world from spitting in their face.
That poor family.
Say a prayer for them if you have a chance.
It's a cruel world.
Comments