Making Conversation
So...
Have you been able to get a glance of Kim Kardashian's huge, oiled up butt on the cover of that magazine?
It's crazy that she's a bazzillionaire while we toil in relative obscurity, isn't it?
Starting to get back into the routine after my trip out of Western New York and again I have a whole bunch of observations about people in general to share with you:
1). Small talk is miserable with total strangers.
"So where you from?"
"What do you do?"
I have learned to avoid a lot of it on planes by simply putting on my headphones and closing my eyes. I really don't want to go over all of it.
As luck might have it, the mid-50's guy and the mid-40's lady seated across the aisle from me were all about exchanging their information. The lady was so animated about what she did and why she was important to all workings of society that I had to turn up the volume on my i-pod just to tune out her excited chatter.
You'd think her data input job was the beginnings of the research needed to cure cancer. They talked the entire way from Kansas City to Detroit.
I hope he got her number.
2). Some people just don't care.
The worst part about the confined space of the plane is that you're exposed to people doing all sorts of vile crap. Everyone is coughing, sneezing and yes...in one case in particular...farting.
No one claimed it, of course, but there were three instances where I opened my eyes wide based on what I was smelling.
I looked at the guy beside me. He looked back at me. We both looked over the seat at the portly gentlemen who was eating a sub that he brought along for the ride.
Slob.
3). The corny jokes over the loud speakers gotta' go.
How many times has a frequent traveler heard something like this on a plane bound for Detroit?
"Welcome to this non-stop flight to Cleveland."
There's a pause.
"No...no...we're really going to Detroit!"
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Then every three minutes the pilot breaks in and tells you how high you are, how fast you're going and what he named the cloud on the left side of the plane. He tells us of the fantastic glass of water the flight attendant will give you as she rams that massive cart into the knee you have sticking out in the aisle because the son-of-a-bitch next to you is forced to sit on your freaking lap and to top it off he's a sneezing, coughing, farting mess.
Then as you leave they ask if you've enjoyed the flight.
"It was terrific," I said as I headed for the terminal...
...where...
4). Some idiot has stopped in the middle of the aisle to tie his shoe, adjust his bag, answer a text message or stretch to the heavens.
This guy is absolutely oblivious to the fact that there are two hundred people behind him wanting to use the same passageway to get to the stupid food court where they'll serve you a ham sandwich...made three days ago...for ten bucks.
"This is where you had to stop?" I asked one such guy.
He didn't answer.
Audibly.
He gave me the finger.
I laughed.
5). Finally, we all gather around the baggage carousel and wait for our bag to come off.
I have horrible luggage (go figure) that looks like nobody else's bag. I have a hardhat and boots in it so it gets stretched a bit and there is a tear in the side.
Yet we stand there and watch things come off, one by one.
"You have my bag!" One lady yelled at an elderly gentleman.
He then went on a thirty sentence explanation about why he thought it was his bag and that he wasn't really trying to steal hers and she just blew the old dude off completely.
And around and around the belt went.
I edged closer to the belt when I saw my big blue bag heading towards me.
"Where you coming from?" the guy beside me asked.
"Weren't you on the same plane?" I asked.
He didn't answer me.
I hadn't meant to be short with him, of course, it just struck me as a fairly dumb question.
Besides I had to run off to the magazine stand so I could get a copy of the magazine with the photo of Kim's big ass.
Not really.
Just making conversation.
Have you been able to get a glance of Kim Kardashian's huge, oiled up butt on the cover of that magazine?
It's crazy that she's a bazzillionaire while we toil in relative obscurity, isn't it?
Starting to get back into the routine after my trip out of Western New York and again I have a whole bunch of observations about people in general to share with you:
1). Small talk is miserable with total strangers.
"So where you from?"
"What do you do?"
I have learned to avoid a lot of it on planes by simply putting on my headphones and closing my eyes. I really don't want to go over all of it.
As luck might have it, the mid-50's guy and the mid-40's lady seated across the aisle from me were all about exchanging their information. The lady was so animated about what she did and why she was important to all workings of society that I had to turn up the volume on my i-pod just to tune out her excited chatter.
You'd think her data input job was the beginnings of the research needed to cure cancer. They talked the entire way from Kansas City to Detroit.
I hope he got her number.
2). Some people just don't care.
The worst part about the confined space of the plane is that you're exposed to people doing all sorts of vile crap. Everyone is coughing, sneezing and yes...in one case in particular...farting.
No one claimed it, of course, but there were three instances where I opened my eyes wide based on what I was smelling.
I looked at the guy beside me. He looked back at me. We both looked over the seat at the portly gentlemen who was eating a sub that he brought along for the ride.
Slob.
3). The corny jokes over the loud speakers gotta' go.
How many times has a frequent traveler heard something like this on a plane bound for Detroit?
"Welcome to this non-stop flight to Cleveland."
There's a pause.
"No...no...we're really going to Detroit!"
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Then every three minutes the pilot breaks in and tells you how high you are, how fast you're going and what he named the cloud on the left side of the plane. He tells us of the fantastic glass of water the flight attendant will give you as she rams that massive cart into the knee you have sticking out in the aisle because the son-of-a-bitch next to you is forced to sit on your freaking lap and to top it off he's a sneezing, coughing, farting mess.
Then as you leave they ask if you've enjoyed the flight.
"It was terrific," I said as I headed for the terminal...
...where...
4). Some idiot has stopped in the middle of the aisle to tie his shoe, adjust his bag, answer a text message or stretch to the heavens.
This guy is absolutely oblivious to the fact that there are two hundred people behind him wanting to use the same passageway to get to the stupid food court where they'll serve you a ham sandwich...made three days ago...for ten bucks.
"This is where you had to stop?" I asked one such guy.
He didn't answer.
Audibly.
He gave me the finger.
I laughed.
5). Finally, we all gather around the baggage carousel and wait for our bag to come off.
I have horrible luggage (go figure) that looks like nobody else's bag. I have a hardhat and boots in it so it gets stretched a bit and there is a tear in the side.
Yet we stand there and watch things come off, one by one.
"You have my bag!" One lady yelled at an elderly gentleman.
He then went on a thirty sentence explanation about why he thought it was his bag and that he wasn't really trying to steal hers and she just blew the old dude off completely.
And around and around the belt went.
I edged closer to the belt when I saw my big blue bag heading towards me.
"Where you coming from?" the guy beside me asked.
"Weren't you on the same plane?" I asked.
He didn't answer me.
I hadn't meant to be short with him, of course, it just struck me as a fairly dumb question.
Besides I had to run off to the magazine stand so I could get a copy of the magazine with the photo of Kim's big ass.
Not really.
Just making conversation.
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