Shut Your Mouth!!!

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Entertained by Ozzie Guillen, the new manager for the Marlins for saying that he was sort of a fan of a man who oppressed millions of Cubans for generations upon generations and was allegedly responsible for many deaths.

I don't know much, but I do know that every once in awhile your mouth can get you in trouble. I also know that you really shouldn't voice any sort of affection for Castro or Hitler or Bin Laden or Hussein.

The phone rang at our house the other night. Sam was watching the Yankees and didn't feel like talking to one of his friends.

Kid: Is Sam there?

Me: No, I got rid of him.

Kid: You got rid of him?

Me: Yeah (long pause) don't tell anyone.

The kid gasped and hung up.

Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut. I actually waited for the cops to knock on my door.

An hour later I'm watching Friday Night Lights with Sam. Minka Kelly comes across the screen.

Me: I dated her. I dropped her to marry your mother.

Sam: What are you, nuts?

Kathy: (overhearing the exchange) Do you really believe that Minka Kelly would go out with that?

Perhaps I should have shut my mouth. You know you aren't winning in life when you're referred to as that.

Many, many instances of wishing I hadn't said what I just said.

The worst?

I was at a safety seminar where a woman was teaching about fire safety. She told an impassioned tale of being there when her grandfather had been caught in a fire.

Horrible, horrible story.

Twenty minutes later she was demonstrating fire safety with a screen that simulated a fire. As she held an extinguisher the fire on the screen raged out of control.

"What question would you ask yourself in this situation?" she asked the crowd of 60 people in front of her.

There was a single voice from the back of the room.

"Where's grandpa?" the voice asked.

The crowd groaned. The presenter dropped her microphone.

I felt an awful lot like Ozzie Guillen must feel right now.

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