Sorry!

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The first thing I did today...like millions of others...was think about the Mega Millions Drawing from last night. I only had five dollars worth, but you never know, right?

The short drive to the store was done with Melky in the passenger seat, of course, and it was bone-chilling cold. I didn't care. With any luck, I'd be booking flights for fifty people for a Hawaiian get-away.

Being that I am old and tired these days and a bit lazy, I thought of the machine next to the clerk.

"Morning," she said. "How are you?"

We are friends because we see each other every day.

"Great, I won the Mega," I said.

"No New York State winner," she answered before I even had the chance to check my ticket.

"Maybe I just won a couple of mil," I said.

I placed my ticket under the red flashing light.

"Sorry You're not a winner." The read-out flashed back.

"BUT I AM A WINNER!!!!" I cried. "HOW DOES THIS MACHINE KNOW I'M A FREAKING LOSER?"

"Yeah, they could be nicer about breaking the news," the clerk said.

But I was thinking the other way. Wouldn't it be cool if they flashed real messages on there?

Hey, asswipe, you should have saved your five bucks,would have made me smile.

Dear mentally-challenged loser...go back out in the cold, would have been easier to handle.

Why did they have to tell me I'm not a winner?

I spend all day singing theme songs in my head to build myself up and ten minutes into the day I'm being ripped a new one by the damn lottery machine.

Hawaii? Really? Lace up your boots, looooooooooooser!

All I know was that I was real deflated. I headed back to the car and slinked in. The ice was nearly gone from my windshield.

"I'm not a winner," I told Melky.

Melky licked the right side of my face.

"Sure you are," she was saying, "and goshdarnit, people like you."

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