The Elderly

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So, we are at the alumni basketball game last night and prior to the game we meet with the other team to ensure that the older members of the squad aren't forced to go head-to-head with the kids. The other team is fine with that idea. After all, the goal is to escape without serious injury.

Meanwhile, I started to feel it in the warm-ups. After missing my first fifty attempts, I hit a couple of bombs. 'This could be okay,' I thought.

We met in a huddle before the start of the game. A boy with pimples and no need for a razor chimed in: "So, the elderly guys are going to start and then we come in after five minutes, right?" he asked.

Elderly? Elderly! Did he just call us elderly?

We all laughed and told him that was correct and we headed to the court.

I missed my first two shots, but then made my next two. Both bombs that were full surprises to the crowd...and to me, actually. The elderly guys left the court leading 10 to 5.

The young guys blew the lead. And so it went the rest of the night. Each trip getting harder, but we were actually playing a game. At one timeout one of those pimply-faced kids said, "Weird, the old bastard can shoot."

Fast forward to the end. We were down by 12 with 50 seconds left. My buddy Jeff and I safely on the bench. We should have been unlacing our shoes, but Jeff ran into the game and scored a quick layup during the 6 on 5 drill. Thinking that it was a good idea I made it 7 on 5.

We inbounded the ball and I told the young kid I wanted to try a half-court shot to close things out. He turned to his buddy who had the ball. "Give me it," he said, "the old dude wants to shoot from half-court."

I got the ball at half-court. Elderly, old dude, old bastard was rattling through my brain. The crowd was counting down. I set my sights and let it fly, the ball leaving my hand on a perfect arc as the crowd actually gasped.

'I'll give them old dude,' I thought.

I got the front of the rim.

The ball landed harmlessly.

We all shook hands and went home.

Elderly!

You want elderly you should experience the pain I feel in my legs and back right now!

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