Pulling a Brett Favre

-
Just noticed that this is the 600th post I've placed on this blog, and feeling an awful lot like old Brett Favre - conflicted.

I've been as honest as I can be when writing this blog - I've also poured my heart into each of the nine books that I've had published. I've signed books all over the place - made speeches at colleges, high schools, grammar schools and book fairs. Signed with Henry Winkler even. Two of my books have won awards and I've written thousands and thousands of words - always looking for the next story, the next blog, the next journal entry.

And now I'm conflicted because I don't want to do it anymore. I was talking with my publisher yesterday, and we were going over ideas and potential speaking appearances - and deep down I was thinking - "I can't do it anymore."

I used to write for the purpose of trying to understand. I always felt better when I reached the end of something because I felt as though I had a handle on the situation.

For obvious reasons, lately, I feel like the dog chasing his tail. What will I do when I catch it?

And I've tried hard to kick-start it all again. I have the black notebook beside me -I have two half-finished books that I could finish by the end of the year -if I had anything left to give. I reach down inside and I'm pulling up cobwebs.

Years ago I read that great writing comes from complete happiness or utter despair. I always felt as though I were writing from the same sort of spot as when Springsteen wrote the Nebraska album - a sort of dark place that could be chased away. Turns out - I had been happy all the while.

And yet, I don't even know where it goes if the writing does go away altogether - I can only play so many games of brickbreaker - although I'll never get past level 25.

So, you see, I'm considering retiring from writing for awhile. The blog has been a release, but some days it feels forced. I never forced writing before.

I know that there are a lot of people reading along - for the first time I'm asking for actual participation - talk me through this, huh?

Common sense tells me that I need to push forward - crying inside every day tells me to stop.

No wonder Favre has had so much damn trouble these last couple of years.

Comments

Unknown said…
Cliff,
I enjoy reading your blog everyday. I would miss it if you stopped.
24 July, 2009
deafjeff said…
Dude....I can't write what I feel, your writing is a close to what I feel as if I wrote it myself. It's the first and last thing I check everyday. But you must do what you must. That sounds stupid. Well I guess I can get a phone and bug the shit out you then.
24 July, 2009
Larry L said…
As you know I read and respond to your blogs. I have really enjoyed reading them. It has allowed me to reconnect with you and your family even if it is from a long distance. I also understand how you feel and only you can really make that decision but I for one will miss it.
25 July, 2009
Carrie Lynn Fazzolari said…
You're not quitting. You are a writer, it is in your blood, and you will get back into it again. Your heart is broken - and it's not easy, but for you to quit writing would be like you quitting the pasta on Sundays. You can't quit because it's in your blood. Even your "crappy" writing is great writing. Give it another go because we need you to do what you're destined to do. You have a gift, don't squander it - push through it, and boil the pasta and get slurping.
25 July, 2009
Larry L said…
I agree with Carrie, keep writing!!!!
25 July, 2009
Rosie said…
your writing sucks and you should quit because you are also a quitter. You're so called "gift" was limited to writing term papers for people that were smart enough to get you to do it for them. Of course your sister and wife are going to encourage you to keep writing..they're just goofing on you..I'm the only one being honset with you. Most people only read this crap because they are bored at work...if you stopped the world will keep turning. Your books were crap too. BTW, I just finished "Nobodys Home" on Saturday, it took me 5 years to read it...that's how many times I put it down, I couldn't stomach it. I kept waiting for it to get good...and you should know that the literary giant Fluffy never read a single word you've ever written. Stick to filing OSHA reports, they're your speed.
27 July, 2009
Andrea Renee said…
I couldn't have said it any better than Carrie. Take a break and come back.
Rosie is flipping funny!!! Speaking of pasta on Sundays, have you given that up, too? You're looking a bit malnurished in that photo in the post above...
(((HUGS)))
27 July, 2009
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more

Eyes on the Horizon

-
Image
My sister’s book is out there! Go get it!! It makes me so proud to see the book on Amazon, knowing that it’s very, very great! It’s been a long, long time since we were out in California, brainstorming my stories long before they were published. Carrie Lynn was writing, writing and writing some more through the years and I kept telling her… …”Go for it!” Well, she did!  To amazing results. Of course I was able to read the book as it was being put together, but I ordered a copy from Amazon yesterday and can’t wait to read it again. The shoe is on the other foot now as I have been sitting on a lot of my writing lately. I plan on getting it out there before the end of 2024, but for now: Carrie takes center stage! And it’s so great… …go get a copy!
Read more