Distract Me From These Distractions
After a particularly mind-numbing day in a stretch of mind-numbing days I decided that the relief for the pain in the back, knee, and neck was to mow the lawn. Not sure why, but after a long work day and with boys certainly capable of mowing the lawn, I decided to do it myself because it allowed me the freedom to just let the thoughts of the day melt away in the sheer concentration of cleaning up the grass that lined the fence.
I didn't think of much as I mowed. I didn't concentrate on the work schedule for the next two days or the words I need to write, or MJ, or McNair, or Palin, or even the Yankees. Just the hum of the engine, waving at a few neighbors, and smelling the cut grass.
Now I've known for quite some time that I've been working harder to avoid thinking. I've played golf in the pursuit of just wondering where my ball is and not why life sucks so bad. That would be a better distraction if I just didn't hit the ball down the middle every time.
Thankfully the Yankees look like the best team in baseball again because I wouldn't have handled another bad year without playoffs because I know, buried not-so-deep, is some anger, some confusion, and a lot of questions.
And yet, it still lingers there.
Watching the Yanks last night I thought of Jeff when Matsui lined a single into center. It's sort of therapeutic every time Matsui gets a hit because he was just one of the players who rubbed my dear brother the wrong way. I smiled as the ball struck by Matsui smacked off the fake grass at the Metrodome (why they play ball in a barn is another pet peeve - sorry Terry - get a real stadium).
Yet what hurt was that I thought about the fact that there will be new players on the Yankees soon - players that Jeff never saw - and I'm not going to know his opinion. I'll be able to guess quite well because we were mirror-images most of the time, but I won't know for sure.
And that ripped at my heart all night.
And I need to be distracted again today - so I have a plan - 10 or 12 hours of work- more Yankees and if worse comes to worse, I'll mow the freaking lawn again. I'll mow it to dirt if it takes some of this away.
I didn't think of much as I mowed. I didn't concentrate on the work schedule for the next two days or the words I need to write, or MJ, or McNair, or Palin, or even the Yankees. Just the hum of the engine, waving at a few neighbors, and smelling the cut grass.
Now I've known for quite some time that I've been working harder to avoid thinking. I've played golf in the pursuit of just wondering where my ball is and not why life sucks so bad. That would be a better distraction if I just didn't hit the ball down the middle every time.
Thankfully the Yankees look like the best team in baseball again because I wouldn't have handled another bad year without playoffs because I know, buried not-so-deep, is some anger, some confusion, and a lot of questions.
And yet, it still lingers there.
Watching the Yanks last night I thought of Jeff when Matsui lined a single into center. It's sort of therapeutic every time Matsui gets a hit because he was just one of the players who rubbed my dear brother the wrong way. I smiled as the ball struck by Matsui smacked off the fake grass at the Metrodome (why they play ball in a barn is another pet peeve - sorry Terry - get a real stadium).
Yet what hurt was that I thought about the fact that there will be new players on the Yankees soon - players that Jeff never saw - and I'm not going to know his opinion. I'll be able to guess quite well because we were mirror-images most of the time, but I won't know for sure.
And that ripped at my heart all night.
And I need to be distracted again today - so I have a plan - 10 or 12 hours of work- more Yankees and if worse comes to worse, I'll mow the freaking lawn again. I'll mow it to dirt if it takes some of this away.
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