Little Voice

Don't you wish the little voice in your head would shut up sometimes?

Wouldn't it be nice if it was a different voice now and again?

Like Morgan Freeman, or something?

I'm thinking we all have that voice that sorts of follows the action and tells us what to do or what not to do in a certain situation.

I'm also thinking a lot of people sort of ignore their voice, or that the brain behind that voice is a bit mentally deficient.

My voice developed back in grade school, I suppose. The nuns sent me off on a path of virtual self-destruction and loathing by telling me what was wrong in the eyes of the Lord.

And what a list it was!

I swear.

Of course my beautiful wife and I wanted the children to be exposed to the teachings of the church and we did a good job of that, but the little voice inside my head also told me that perhaps it wasn't real healthy for them to believe that everything they were doing was tragic if mistakes were made.

I spent the first fifteen years of my life absolutely guilty.

I still feel guilty.

I see those paddle-wielding maniacs in my nightmares some times saying:

"MY GAWD! THAT'S A MORTAL SIN!!!!"

Yet I think of the voices that creep inside the heads of people who do really horrific things, and then are a bit defiant about it.

Do the voices in their heads just go silent?

We watch the 48 Hours shows and they treat them like mysteries, blocking out the scene behind the guy their talking to as they deny the allegation.

"Did you murder your wife?" The guy asks.

"Absolutely not!" the guy says.

"He's lying," I'll say.

And sometimes it's easy to tell. It's almost like you can hear the guy's internal voice yelling:

"Yeah! And I'd do it again!!"

But still, it's amazing to me. I always want to hear how the tiny voice justifies it.

I think of the guy who ran the Exxon Valdez aground while supposedly drunk. I think of him waking up the next morning, all hungover, and having a ship mate come to him.

"Do you know what you DID last night?"

The nuns did a number on me.

There are still days when I wake up shaking, counting the mortal sins as opposed to just the little ones.

I wish more people did that, honestly.

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